Before and Afters in the Garden

Click on the photos to enjoy them larger.

For so many, the garden is a magical place, the “place we go to quiet our mind and feed our soul” and I am no exception. I adore its dynamic nature, how even from one day to the next we discover that the magic of sun and moon and stars and rain and winds are a part of the life here. All the creatures and plants and structures reflect Nature’s unpredictable effects with the passing of time and the seasons. The photo above shows the pergola just after a storm blew through and brought down leaves and sticks but we were lucky because our mountains and winds often soften the severity of the storms which do far more damage to the areas even just a little further out from State College proper. The yard is fenced, so we have no bears or snakes to worry us, though sometimes they do traipse around the neighborhood and occasionally we’ve been told while walking the pup that there’s one in the vicinity, cause we’re surrounded by some lovely woodland areas and parks, and this year especially the bears are feeling displaced with all the surrounding construction.

That pergola? We call it The Bistro.

The photo at the top of this post shows the gnarly vine we planted about 15 years ago, after Rob built the pergola and the kids spent time with us staining it, Alex sitting right on top with his legs dangling down between the wooden beams and his foam brush spreading stain across them while his then fiancee Danielle wielded her foam brush soaked in red barn stain on the lattice, because she never runs out of patience. Thanks kids for your talents and the sweet memories. 

For years Rob and I would look over at the pergola and we’d guess how far across the top the vine might grow each season. It took about 5-7 years for it to reach the other side, making a beloved home for birds, and a covering that now heavily shades the interior, bringing down the temperature underneath as much as 15 degrees cooler than the sun-soaked patio across the pond (which is what we call the pool).

The biggest urns, currently filled with grasses
that turn gold and lend their beauty all through the winter.

Bunny home!

And we were so surprised to find that a mother bunny built a lovely nest for her littles right in one of those big urns! How she got up there I have no idea, but they were perfectly safe from cats, the pup, and all manner of critters for the weeks they slept all nice and dry in their soft fur-lined home deep under the grasses. We watered very carefully, so as not to disturb them, and a few weeks later they all hopped down to find the clover they love to eat, so now we have a family of rabbits just like Beatrix Potter. They rove between the front and back yards, as they can easily escape through the fence though Lil Bear, our pup cannot follow. He’s pretty old now, and shows only mild interest, often sharing and observing more than chasing as he did in his youth.

How did Mother Bunny get in there?
Welp, she must have been pretty athletic to jump that high,
and so smart to give them such lovely shelter.

Here is something else we do in The Bistro. Mmmmm,
snacks of Tussey Mountain cheese and crackers with a bit of good red wine at twilight.
Cheers!

Early season Buddha.

Late Season Buddha.

Like many of us, Buddha gets his groove on and lets his hair down as spring turns to summer and he relaxes into the rhythms and festivities of the much welcome break from the routine of deadlines and work. I love when he goes all hippie!

Now here we have the very beginnings
of the vinca ground covering we had planted
under the new baby Japanese maple tree.

It’s early in the season, and I had a few moments of panic during the rain one day when I saw a chipmunk pull up a plug of vinca and use it as an umbrella in the rain. I thought it was cute until I realized that if he taught his family this new skill we’d have a very bare bed under baby maple and several hundred dollars more planting to do. I lamented the great wisdom of this chippy to my husband and we crossed our fingers and hoped and prayed they wouldn’t all learn to do that cause there are a heck of a lot of chippies since our kitty Joey Max went to heaven and stopped hunting them. 

Ah, but here is the After picture!
TADA!

Yes, the vinca loves the rain and somehow in the shortest period of about five weeks the vinca has asserted itself and it’s thriving. Hallelujah! We are delighted. The squirrels and chippies love to bury nuts in this bed, and also dig up nuts from last year, but they are no longer using the plugs as umbrellas because they’re too unwieldy, yay! We think that the whole bed will fill in by the end of this season, and it’s perrennial, so it’ll come back again next year just like Santa. WOOT!

Baby fern early in the season.

Our before and after series couldn’t be complete without mention of the FERN. We always fall in love with the ferns, because they get absolutely Jurassic, and I’d keep them all year long and for decades if I had a greenhouse, which I do in my dreamworld. We saw a decades old fern at Phipps, or perhaps it was Longwood Gardens years ago and I fell starry-eyed in love with it. Wow! I love ferns because they’re one of the oldest plants on the planet and because of their incredible beauty.

Here she is nearing Autumn,
and I can hardly take my eyes off of her as she waves gently in the breezes.

She will get even bigger before season’s end. Aren’t ferns just classic? Stately? Elegant? Ancient! And yep, for some, like the ones growing in the garden beds, we can eat them. They’re very nutritious.

I wish I had taken a photo of the before pic of this little beauty.

We went shopping one day at the adorable place called A Basketfull in Boalsburg, which we do often, and that day the ladies were giving away tiny, itty bitty little two-inch pots of white begonias, along with great snacks and beverages while we shopped. I found lots of wonderful gifts for friends, and used my one for you, two for me strategy while buying, lol. I can’t help it, there are so many wonderful things there. It was about April when we brought Itty Bitty home, so we put her on the kitchen table under a stained glass shade that holds a plant light, and she stayed alive. I talked to her every day while I had my breakfast and told her we’d put her outside soon as it got warm enough. Sure enough we planted her in this lovely blue pot and popped her into the bistro with her cousin begonias of different colors and she took off! Now she’s fluffy and struttin’ her stuff like nobody’s business. Such joy!

Ah, the portulaca!

Well the portulaca is very special because my sis gave me the planter before she went to her Heaven, so it’s a treasure indeed. We attached it securely to the lattice so the critters can’t knock it off, and planted some sweet little flowers that have thrived all season and brought such joy. It’s these reminders of the love that our Lovies share with us that sustain us rain or shine, and bring comfort and smiles and sweet memories to hold dear.

Lavender and wild roses, mmmmm.

Here we have lavender, and every time I walk past it I run my fingers over it and sniff them, ah, it smells so good! I also clip some and put them into my tiny rabbit vase in my studio sometimes. And it’s very likely I’ll pick some and dry it for making fragrant little mesh pouches to put around the house and in my drawers. The photo of the wild rose behind her is not a before or after pic, she’s in her in-between stage after blooming profusely, which she does a few times per season. That rose smells spicy like pepper and it’s one of my favorite fragrances of all time. She doesn’t really like to be picked, but shares her fragrance generously when we’re outside. She’s lived with us for maybe 20 years. I remember searching for THAT fragrance when we went to find her at the nursery, and when I did, wow what a day it was! 

My feather plants!

In the low, round pot we planted celosia, which likes to be picked (if you make sure it has no little bugs on it) and I find them absolutely charming. Funny story - We bought several of these along with a larger, lovely round, deeper but still low to the ground pot that I wanted to put at the end of the picnic table. But my husband looked at it and let me know it had no drainage holes in it. “I can drill some in,” he said. And he did. We discovered that those pots were actually for water loving plants and they weren’t actually meant to have holes in them, but what a lovely shape they are! So they did very well for several weeks, but with the constant rains and cloudy weather they sort of languished. However we have been delightfully entertained by a family of sparrows who love to sit on them and eat from them, who knows if it’s seeds or bugs, they all seem perfectly happy to munch away but not on the plants themselves. Bon appetite little sparrows! They bring their friends and so sometimes we have as many as 20 or 30 of them, at the feather plant cafe.

Itty Bitty’s cousin, Sunset begonia,
oh my heart, the colors in this one!

My garden photos wouldn’t be complete without sharing a photo of the Sunset begonia that lives in The Bistro with Itty Bitty. I could look at this one all day long. The colors are magnificent! She likes dappled sunshine so The Bistro is perfect for her.

The fuschia, wow such colors!

My favorite ever so beloved type of fuschia is the one with purple and pink. While we were at College Gardens, one of the best nurseries we have here, I looked all over the place for one this color, and I was enchanted to find one outside upstairs. She wasn’t quite in bloom but had a tag that promised the deep purples and pinks so we took a chance and brought her home. Well she flourished all during the cooler part of the season, took a little nap during the hot part of summer, and is now coming out in a second flush of growth, so lovely! Yes, that is my favorite indeed!

My new discovery. Fiber optic!

I had a new discovery this season when we went to the nursery, because we all know that though we might go with a list in hand and a plan, we fall in love with something and sneak it onto the cart while no one’s looking. That’s what I did with this little boy. I just know it’s a boy because it wants to be called Butch or something. It is the most fun little thing I’ve ever seen! It started out sort of new and thin but thickened up over the growing season and I like to go out and ruffle its top, like you ruffle the head of someone who just got a crew cut. It feels good to do that. It’s adorable and I’ll try to get another one next year for sure.

The petunias!

These are the petunias that glow with the most intense red you can imagine, especially in the sunshine. We put them in the planter box that was supposed to be growing herbs but my mind had an image I couldn’t shake of red petunias trailing down and creating a focal point in front of the weeping snow mountain cherry tree, so that’s what we did. Hubby, who’d have preferred the herb garden is coming around because I’m now looking into what we can do next year, either with a really nice, tiered herb planter (made of wonderful fir wood) OR a small greenhouse - which I’d adore. We’ll see….

I never dreamed I’d have my own garden to play with, and I never dreamed I’d be married to a horticulturist. When I was 20 I lived in a corner apartment amidst the concrete jungle of San Diego with highways all around and a parking lot right outside our sliding glass door which opened to a patio that was about two feet by six feet. But beside that patio grew one lone, gorgeous, fragrant pine tree. And I took a little eight-inch tall stool out and sat under that pine tree and pored through catalogs that held hundreds and hundreds of pictures of greeting cards (Portal Publications was HOT and so much FUN back then) because as part of my job as assistant manager of The Fine Art Store I got to order the cards. It was HEAVEN to me. I’d sit there with my morning coffee marking the ones I’d be ordering (Mary Engelbreit was just beginning her long climb up artistically and look at her now!) Yep I ordered lots of hers and they sold well. 

So lots more to talk about in the garden but I’ve bent your ear quite long enough. Even when we have only a little space and a few dreams, we can learn to soar with them. Hopefully you’ve found some inspiration here, and I welcome any lovely garden discoveries you’ve made this year. Do share in the comments.

Namaste,

~Jen

Did You Ever See Beads Like This?!

Click on the image to enlarge

Oh my! I checked out my favorite bead artists who work together at Masque Beads in Edinburgh, Scotland, creating some of the most gorgeous beads I've ever seen. I’ve been working with them for several years, and lately they’ve outdone themselves, so I’ve purchased some to make malas for you! That’s if I can manage not to keep them for myself, gosh I adore them!! They look great with jeans and tee shirts, dresses, absolutely anything - you don’t have to be all dressed up to enjoy them and look (and feel) amazing. 

The photo above shows Barbara and Katie’s hosta design, which brings sweet images to my mind of my pup Lil Bear doing his rounds of the garden and coming gently through the thick hostas that grow under the pergola. This particular mala wanted a rich carnelian bead and some gorgeous deep green jade beads for accents and marker beads. It includes stabilizing beads of a brass color to complement the metallic shades in the large teacher bead.

The traditional 108 prayer beads are, yep!  Tiger’s eye, which takes dye so beautifully while retaining the shimmery flash inherent in traditional brown tiger’s eye. So here we have what is called rainbow tiger’s eye for the prayer beads. 

The tiny seed bead spacers are a subtle bronzy gold color that complements the teacher bead. Tassel is a gorgeous rich burgundy color. According to Judy Hall, my go-to for gemstone energy properties, tiger’s eye “is a protective stone that assists us in accomplishing goals. She says it also “integrates the hemispheres of the brain and enhances practical perception.” It’s a wonderful grounding stone, regardless of what color it is.

Here’s the magical dragonfly mala!

I’m sticking with the nature theme for a while as it speaks to my heart. The gorgeous teacher bead on this mala depicts a dragonfly flitting about in her happy place, surrounded by the colors of the rainbow, hence, again the use of rainbow tiger’s eye for the traditional 108 prayer beads, but this time they lean more towards the blues and purples rather than the greens and reds. It includes a translucent agate accent bead and an amethyst to bring peace, as well as four marker beads of the deep green jade for wisdom. Copper  stabilizing beads and accent beads as well as jet-lined topaz seed beads pull it all together, and she’s finished with a beautiful tassel of just the right shade of royal purple. 

And here is the marvelous magpie mala!

Magpie is a symbol for good fortune in many cultures, and this one doesn’t disappoint. She’s flying among a collection of peach and burgundy blossoms against a soft white background, perfectly complemented by the white rainbow moonstone traditional 108 prayer beads. Her accent beads next to the teacher bead include carnelian, labradorite, and angelite, all with very special energies. Moonstone is “a stone of new beginnings,” according to Judy Hall in her book The Crystal Bible, and its most powerful effect is the calming of the emotions. Carnelian is a stone that "grounds and anchors you in the present reality.” Judy also lets us know it gives courage and promotes positive life choices, so I love to use this gemstone in my creations. Labradorite “raises consciousness and connects with universal energies.” And angelite is a “stone of awareness,” representing peace and brotherhood, according to my favorite gemstone expert. All that in a necklace you can pray with, or. not, as you please.

These malas hang about 30 inches long, and the more you wear them and pray with them the more they retain those good energies and the stronger they get. Every now and then you can clean their energies by putting them in gentle sunlight or moonlight for a couple of hours, or saging them. They like that as most of the gemstones do absorb negative energies and keep you protected from them, hurrah!

Malas, or prayer beads as they’re also known, have been used by many cultures for centuries, and each has its own traditions. They’re not necessarily associated with a single religion, more a way of life and the connection with however we define our higher sources, Creator, God, and Earth energies. 

Some like to meditate with them for healing, and/or connection, and one of the ways to do this is to choose a prayer that is personal to you. It can be anything that reflects goodwill, love, and positive thoughts either for yourself or others, the planet, or anything even bigger. Once you’ve chosen the words that define your prayer, the practice is to start with the first bead past the accent bead (the first of the 108) and say your prayer or mantra aloud or silently in your head. Then you move your fingers to the next bead and repeat your prayer. You can do this all the way through the 108 beads, adjusting your words/thoughts to reflect exactly what you wish to express. When you come to the teacher bead you change direction and go back the other way, one bead at a time, repeating your prayer each time. The marker beads help you to know where you are in your ceremony so you can gauge the time you’d like to spend focusing on these lovely thoughts. Each time you pick up your mala you can choose a different prayer or mantra to focus on. Some like to do this privately at home, and some out in nature. Some simply love to wear the beads for the sweet energies they surround us with.

I will be making them available through a couple of places here in town, and will post an update when ready. I’ll be making a few more of these, plus some awesome earrings, so check in again to stay tuned! If you’d like me to add you to my email list to notify when they’re available, PM me in FB or send me an email at dreamkeepercreations@gmail.com. I currently no longer sell through Etsy and my time is quite limited so I currently don’t do commission orders, but I may be able to open that up again a bit later, will keep you posted.

These make really special gifts for those who are going through life changes, challenges, celebrations, and graduation especially. I’ve sold hundreds over the past 10 years and just can’t not continue to make them, in-between house projects, garden projects, (new post coming next on garden), and life stuff, lol. 

Thanks for your interest in these beauties, more info to come!

Namaste,

~Jen

Kindred Spirit - Golden Cypress

 

There is a golden cypress
that grows outside the window
where I sit in my studio.
She is rest for my eyes
and entertainment
as she hosts a family of cardinals
who visit with robins and butterflies and fairies.

Our energies sync together
and we feel the deep hum of the Earth
flowing in our veins

through twilight

moonrise, and morning sun.

She waves to me
in the gentle breezes of the wind
and dances fiercely in the storms,
dressed in silver droplets
that glitter with the return of the sun.

Celebrating Mom on her Celestial Birthday

 

Who knew she was a tree hugger like me?

Two years ago today Mom graduated to her Heaven so I’m taking the opportunity to share a bit about her and celebrate her being here. I was very fortunate to inherit some family photos, and this is one of her way back in the 1940s or so when she was a child. Precious girl! I love the crinkly edges of this type of photo, popular in those days : ) (Click on the images to enlarge them)

Look at those ringlets! 

Mom was an only child, and her mother doted on her, using her awesome skills to make stylish clothing, and she spent time creating the ringlets in Mom’s hair, which was done by tying and twisting strips of cotton while the hair was wet. After it dried it came out pretty much like this!

I’m sure her dance card was full that night!

Mom had an active social life, but she only had eyes for my Dad. They were high school sweethearts and their marriage lasted for 52 years until his passing. Back in those days they used dance cards, which had tiny spaces for the men to fill out their names for each dance. Mom told me she only let Dad fill in all her spaces, and that’s pretty much how it was for all 52 years XO

Bathing beauties!

Mom told me many times that Dad fell in love with her for her beautiful legs, HA! Yep, she had ‘em! Here she’s sunbathing with a friend. She never did like to swim because the polio epidemic struck around the time she’d have been doing that and during those years, nobody went in the water!

The rocking chair!

In my home today, I have this rocking chair that’s been in the family for about 100 years. The year Mom’s sitting in it is 1948. Every single member of my family has sat in it at one time or another, so it’s very precious to have in my home. Even my son’s wife with my brand new granddaughter, shortly after she was born! It’s been recovered at least three times and has a horse-hair stuffed seat.

Mellie and me all dressed up.

Mom kept going to parties and dances all her life (one time she even danced with a king!) and she saved her dresses. As my sis and I grew older we loved to play dress-ups and Mom would let us have some of her party dresses to play with. Aren’t we just the cat’s meow?! That’s me on the left.

The three siblings

Melinda, Jennifer, and David. All I wanted for Christmas that year was yep, my two front teeth!

The wedding parties

Congrats Mom and Dad! We are just twinkles in their eyes at that time, lol. My beloved Granddaddy and Gammy on the left, Mom’s parents. And my Dad’s beautiful mother and his father on the right. Such a happy union!

So today, in honor of my Mom, we are remembering some of the sweet things about her and one of those was that she loved chili dogs, though she was a marvelous cook and hosted many fancier dinner parties. She never served chili dogs at home, but when she moved to State College after Dad’s passing she’d get a hankering for one and my sis would take her to the Dairy Queen for a “fix.” Rob and I often made them at home, and that is what we’re doing today!

Love ya Mom! Sweet adventures in your Heaven with all the Lovies! XO

Cupcake Day 2026 and Near Death Experiences

Most of my family when times were pretty good.
(Son Torey was out of the country and my granddaughter was just a twinkle in her parents' eyes XO)

January 9th is my "gauntlet-ending day." For me, the gauntlet starts when my culture's societal frenzy begins to bloom around Halloween (supposedly the day we honor the dead, but instead we hand out candy), segues into the now non-politically correct "Thanksgiving," and holidays that have been traditionally celebrated in the earlier parts of my life such as Christmas (historically beleaguered with political and patriarchal manipulation), and now, with my mixed family cultures, Hanukkah. So all the jolly holidays feel somewhat surreal because I know what's coming, hence my gauntlet is something I navigate carefully during those celebration times. Once I'm through them and done with the "death day on the 9th," I can more easily flow into the lovely routine of life without the pressure to party hardy. To "run the gauntlet" describes a test of bravery and courage imposed on others that many do not survive, and if you do, you are sometimes granted various privileges.

January 9th is the day that three very strong, very polite policemen came to my house, rang my doorbell, and with hats in hand, announced that they had news for me. This news ended up turning my world upside down. I invited them into my home where they kindly and gently let me know that my recently turned 26-year-old daughter was found deceased in her bed, in her apartment, 3,000 miles away from where I was at the time.

My daughter was dying but we didn't know it.

The twelve doctors we worked with over a period of a year and a half said she would recover, but she died. Neurological complications as a result of of Lyme disease, they proclaimed on the death certificate.

That was in 2015. Now it is 2026, and though no one at all called me or mentioned my daughter's name, told stories about my beloved, or even wished to hear some, because much of my family is in heaven now and I am old, I understand that one of the privileges I've earned is the ability to help others who are deeply grieving. So with that in mind, I write this post with love and affection for those reading.

One of the gifts I have received this year in the quest to settle my heart with the passing of my beloved daughter is the discovery of something even better than the grief groups that were somewhat helpful a couple of years after her passing. That is the stories of those who have experienced death but lived to tell the tale. This is known as having a "near death experience" (NDE). There is also a wealth of great information on the internet about this, plus online groups you can join, though I will caution anyone exploring that unfortunately predators (those after your money) abound where there is vulnerability, and grief makes many of us extremely vulnerable until we find our footing. So in your explorations, choose wisely those based in love, and those which empower you and help you to step into your own authenticity rather than those that make you dependent on an outside source.

This brings me to mention my love of movies, and the fact that I love to collect dvds so that I can watch whatever I want whenever I want every time I want, especially the older stories. So my husband and I were watching one that I was recently interested in seeing again - I had seen it years ago and thought it would be fun to watch it again. That movie is called Contact, with Jodie Foster and Michael McConaughey, and it came out in 1997. 

Wow, times have changed! So have my personal experiences, which have taught me that no one needs any kind of equipment to travel in space or time, and that there is no barrier at all to each individual's ability to connect with higher sources and beloveds who have passed. There is so much published research to back this up, most conducted in about the past 50 years though the phenomenon of connecting spiritually is an ancient practice, one I consider a gift from our Creative Source, or what some call God.

So as I was watching this old movie, Contact, I said to my hubby, "They do have it right in the end, though they don't explain it, and they have the method of travel quite wrong." Spoiler alert - Jodie's character's experience is totally personal and meaningful as she achieves contact with her deceased father. As I think about the premise of this movie I'm pretty sure that each individual's experience as they learn to connect spiritually with what they define as "higher sources" or with their beloveds who have passed is going to be different from the experiences of others, though some similarities may exist, many of which research describes across cultures and throughout many years of time as we know it here on Earth. 

Which brings me back to my Sweet Jess and Cupcake Day, because some of the things she's taught me are right in line with the similarities that are now widely available for those interested in exploring death, such as the cyclical nature of life (reincarnation), the fact that there is no judgement after we pass save for that we impose upon ourselves, that the notions of time and space are limited to the material plane of existence, that healing, learning and growing continue to happen after we pass from this Earth, and that there is only LOVE since the "place" we go to is one of Unity, not duality - which is an Earth construct.

So, when we put on our "what if" hats, we can talk about personal agendas in life, or what we might call our "missions" as we come into a human body (which is a mix of physical and spiritual).

I know from conversations with my daughter that one of her main "missions" in life was to be happy. "I just wanna be happy Mama," she said. And she received a lot of criticism and still does from others who believe that this is not enough. I know that one of my "missions" in life has always been to be free. And I know that one of my father's "missions" in life was to make his reputation one to be proud of, given that his family of origin had alcoholism and violence as an ongoing challenge that he vowed to overcome.

Jess being happy, she loved the holidays.

I know that my daughter experienced happiness and bliss, as well as self-doubt, sadness, and a whole host of emotions. I know that I have experienced freedom as well as limitation, both personally and institutionally/societally. I know that my father succeeded in building a reputation that was respected not only nationally but worldwide and much of what he built and constructed in his career as a brilliant civil engineer still enhances, protects, and empowers thousands of people across our beautiful planet. 

The human condition is such that in this world of duality we experience both negative and positive in our lives. And what comforts me most of all on Cupcake Day (and every day) is my understanding that my Sweet Jessica's life was completely enough, and perfect as she created and experienced it.

She was a photographer. This is one of her photos.
To me, it represents her delight.

I bring up the NDEs because another of the similarities that comes up in their stories is that thousands of individuals who have lived to tell the tale of their survival say, "I had a choice." 

Wow. Death is spiritually consensual - how's that for a totally wonderful concept?! 

What's fascinating is how many individuals relate that after their NDE they no longer have any fear whatsoever of death. And how many individuals relate that it is so beautiful and loving they did not wish to come back, but were sent back because their missions were not yet fulfilled (there is still "work" for them to do here according to their chosen spiritual agenda before coming in) or they had a very strong connection to beloved(s) here they were not ready to leave. Note: Have no doubt that your loved one(s) did not "leave you," as Sweet Jess shares with me how we're always connected on higher levels whether I choose to connect deliberately with her or not.

The research on NDEs includes stories of those who have experienced all manner of passing, such as illness, suicide, murder, accidents, sudden death, or slow death, etc.

So the reason I bring all this up on Cupcake Day is that I want to share with you some comfort in your journey of exploring "Where is my loved one? Are they okay? Do they love me? How do I continue without them here?" 

They are safe and well at what I call True Home, some might call it heaven. Yep, they're fine. Yep they love you, even when there was conflict in your relationship. 

Love! XO

You continue because their journey belongs to them and they did a fabulous job of being human. You continue because every day that you wake belongs to you for reasons that you chose and discovering those reasons is the very heart and spice of life. You continue because you are spirit mixed with physical just for a short time, and when you shed your Earth suit (the body) you will be Home as well, and fully able to connect, learn, share, grow, and experience life again in many forms, as you choose. 

One of Jessie's photos. Look at that little girl go!
Keep going.

You continue because all you have to do to connect with your beloved and the beautiful mysteries of this place and time is be still and listen with your heart.

Love heals. 

Nope, happiness is not a realistic or permanent state of being while we're here, but keep going and you might discover a foundation that is more solid than you ever imagined.

So we light my daughter's candle on her Cupcake to celebrate her L I V I N G both here and "there," and we do not mire ourselves in misery, for that is not what our beloveds wish for us, and hopefully it is not what we might wish for our beloveds upon our passing.

Happy Celestial Birthday Sweet Jess! 
We celebrate you always XO

So let us shine our light, straight from our hearts, both in darkness and as we find ourselves surrounded by the light of others in love and encouragement.

Sweet Jess, I love you forever and a day, as you know, and if I knew before it happened what would be in this life, I'd choose to do it all over again just to experience you being you. 

Jess being Jess. Isn't she beautiful?!
She says to me, Momma, you should see me now!
Because she loves what she calls her "light body."

Good job my Love. Thank you for your soft presence, humor, love, and encouragement as I carry on. XO

With love and blessings to all -

Namaste,

Jen

  

Cupcake Day Signs, Gifts, Giggles, and Blessings

 

Magic by Elli Groninger

Cupcake Day, for those of you who know me, happens twice a year - every year. Once on my beloved daughter Jessica's Earth Birthday when she was born, which was April 29, (1988), and once again on her Celestial Birthday, also known by some as the "death day" on January 9th, (2015). So on these two days my husband and I buy or make a cupcake which we share together, and drink a celebratory glass of Cupcake wine (yep it's a real brand and it's not bad!), cheering her on her accomplishments, adventures, and journeys near and far.

These days can feel a little and sometimes a LOT serious and heavy and heartwrenching, and after 10 years of her passing I can say I am better at navigating the emotion than I was for the several years. So this year I said to my husband, was feeling especially heavy because a little over a year ago my beloved sister, Melinda passed, and not even nine months later, my 90-year-old mother passed. All three had lengthy and alarming and painful illnesses, so with each came true challenges with finding balance in my heart and mind.

On top of that, this very weekend my mother's home sold, and that was feeling extremely emotional, mixed with all those feelings of her pain, which I couldn't control, memories flooding in both good and not so good, and feeling the absence of my sister so acutely I found myself having nightmares and sometimes crying (when nobody would see) and I was feeling rather devastated and alone.

ENTER ELLI GRONINGER! I ADORE this woman! I adore her work and we have several pieces I've collected over the years, plus I thoroughly enjoyed giving some of them to my Lovies when they were here. Shortly before my birthday, which falls also in April, I fell in LOVE with this Monarch Moose figure Elli created because when I saw it in the State College Framing Company and Gallery it made me giggle right out loud. And I said to Rob, my hubby, "You know what? I think I'd love to have this in our home to remind me to lighten up and not be so serious!" He likes to make me happy so he bought it for me, and I can't tell you how many times I walk by and tap its little nose or even give it a kiss right on its nose for the joy it brings in reminding me how blessed I am to have these Lovies in my life, both while they were on Earth and now when they have the whole Universe to play in. It reminds me that LIFE is the important thing. That death is just a split second transition, that the suffering is temporary, thank goodness, and many sweet and loving things happen between us all not only while they were here but now too!

I love the signs and gifts that they're with us in spirit. For example, my hubby and I were listening to a playlist we've listened to a thousand times, when we ask Alexa to play Frank Sinatra. She loops through a fairly familiar playlist that's pretty long and thoroughly enjoyable, but THIS weekend, what happened? I don't know, but a new song came onto that playlist and we had nothing to do with it but I suspect my Lovies in their heavens did. We were in the kitchen cooking dinner, and in the middle of this familiar playlist along came Andrea Bocelli's GORGEOUS rendition of Time to Say Goodbye and for some reason this piece of music captured my heart with such beauty and soul and oh my gosh, gave me the best kind of goosebumps (always a sign of spiritual presence with me). I vaguely knew that my sister's beloved hubby had played it at her funeral service, but at that time I was home in bed sick as a dog, (probably pneumonia, ack it was so bad...) and her husband was kind enough to set up the service streaming so I could watch it from my bed. 

So THIS weekend, when it played out of the clear blue sky and captured my attention I wanted to know more about who was singing and who this person was. Welp. It was a gift. Because there are so few people you run across who are such that you would want to be like them. I googled all I could find out about him and was enchanted to find that his whole family is talented and refined and beautiful beyond compare, AND that his mother was advised not to allow her pregnancy to continue because the docs knew he would suffer some physical challenges. Well God bless her in the best way, she didn't listen to them and she had this special baby, and she was also wise and compassionate, and in raising him with his surgeries and various physical challenges she noticed that music was the very best thing that soothed him when he felt sad or frustrated, so she gave him all the exposure she could, which he asked for, and as he grew up, he eventually learned to play a million different instruments, speak several languages, sing like magic, and love without reservation, which led to his children becoming some really amazing and talented people too! AND led to the whole wide world loving him and his family and the gifts and magic they share so generously with us.

So this tiny gift of a song which I absolutely believe was my sis in spirit lifting my heart when it felt so crushed missing her, led me to a discovery that now brings me hours of joy in listening to him - and his family sing, and such joy in just knowing there are people like this on the planet. How lucky we are. Thanks Mellie. No wonder she loved him. She used to blast his music along with many others when she was here, and she's still helping us to share in the joy. True joy. It sure felt like magic to me, give it a listen.

So that led me to contemplate LIFE and what my Lovies created and shared. They were all very different from each other, but each exquisite in their own way for their own reasons. I thought about the beautiful rocking chair my mother gave me shortly before she passed. It's so precious in our home. Every member of my family going back to her mother and father and quite probably her mother's mother has sat in it, AND my beautiful son and his wife and the newest member of our family, my granddaughter, so it's a very special chair. It had seen some wear, being over 100 years old, and even though my mother recovered it once, it was time to do it again, so I invested and now it's just such a special piece of family history that I love to rock in sometimes, remembering all the good times, when it lived in my grandmother's home, then my mother and father's home, then her home, then ours. Sigh. It's like being wrapped in a big hug to sit in it. 

The lovely rocking chair XO
Now recovered in soft forest green velvet.

Mom gave us something else that I a l m o s t didn't bring home. It was the grandmother clock that had belonged to her mother. I remember hearing it chime when we visited my Gammy's home, which was my favorite place to be because she loved me so well. The reason I almost didn't take it was because our town is fairly small and we do not have anything to choose from for people who know how to repair clocks and get them working. I understand that mom's clock was working when she moved here, but when it stopped, nobody helped her get it fixed (I'd have done it but I didn't know it wasn't working cause I didn't see her during Covid and not much after because we were both so sick). But again, my hubby was so wonderful he went online and found a wondrous clock man called Walt Mack, who came and took the clock back to his place of business about an hour and a half away, replaced some parts, serviced it, and got it working, and TA DA! We now have that beeeeeeeeeautiful sound in our home what I remember from when I was a kid and what it says to me is: Time is special, use it wisely and let it sing to you. I stopped wearing watches a long time ago and I do not run my life by the clock since I retired - my schedule is crazy artist stay up all night working and sleep a lot of the day, because I'm a project person and I'll stop when the work tells me it's a stopping point, not the clock. But THIS clock is like a grandmother herself, reminding me to BE in the moment and to LOVE how I spend my time. So it is most precious to have, thanks mom for the gift, and thanks Rob for making it work.

Grandmother clock sings her song so beautifully XO

Then I thought of my sister and all she gave to me while she was here. Lucky am I to have her with me. She was my person and I'm pretty sure she still is. She was everybody's person because she was a nurturer from a very early age. My sis was different from me, very much so, since I, being an artist from the tender age of about 6, didn't care a hoot about people, I cared only about being alone and creating. Florence Nightingale I would never be, though I was and am fierce about supporting my children emotionally, and trying to protect them from any who might hurt them, I want them to spread their wings and fly, where my sis was just always cooking and phoning and listening and talking and connecting and teaching and loving so very well. I do love with all of myself but it's quite different. So we were very close and loved each other unequivocally, having a sort of symbiotic relationship. We loved giving each other presents and knew each other fairly well, and there are things in my home, just so many that I have around me that she gave me, one of which is a beautiful stained glass mobile that hangs above my desk in my studio, turning gently in the breezes that flow through, flashing light here and there, like she did. I love it. I think of her when I see it and it makes my heart sing. Thanks Mellie, for all of your gifts, which were many, and for being my person, then and now XO

The beautiful stained glass mobile XO

She also gave me such fun birthday presents. She'd say about a week or two ahead of time, on the phone or if we were visiting, "Somebody I know has a birthday coming up! What would you like?" And that's how I got the lovely rainbow candle holder she gave me which is kind of like a little piece of God or Creator sitting in my studio because, rainbows you know....

My sister's magical rainbows are with me whenever the sun is out,
I don't even have to light the tealight inside!

And next to my sis's rainbows are the camels I inherited from my mother and the kaleidascope I gave my Dad one year. Lovely reminders of things they loved and things we enjoyed together. XO

And my Sweet Jess. I have so many things she gave me, though she didn't believe in holidays per se, she just liked to give me special things when she felt like it. I love them all but perhaps most of all I love the photos she took as a professional photographer. There are literally hundreds and hundreds and I have them on my computer, but one she framed for me and I've never seen anything like it. Lots of photographers go to Antelope Canyon and take pics, but hers is like nothing I've ever seen before. It holds worlds upon worlds and I remember asking her when she gave it to me how it came about and she said she had to wait until the other tourists had gone through, and she went up to this crevasse and touched the sand with her fingers, then stepped back and snapped this shot. Wow. I just adore it. Thank you my lovely for your artistic eye and your road trips and sharing your talents with me XO

Jessie's experience of Antelope Canyon.
Bet you'll never see another like this one, it's amazing.

Because it's framed it doesn't really photograph well at this point, though you can pop by and see it in person anytime, along with several additional amazing photos she captured - magical moments in time.

So when I was feeling a bit lonely with nobody to talk to as my mother's home was closing out an era, and I was so missing my sis and daughter, and most especially my son and his lovely wife and my baby granddaughter, (who live a bit far away to visit as often as I'd like what with work and all) the music and Elli's lovely creation reminded me to think of my beautiful blessings and keep my heart light.

And you know what happened? Welp, sometimes when the Universe is busy loving you it tends to keep on coming, and that's what happened.

Hubby and I were sitting on the porch and he went into the house for something or other and right then the doorbell rang. (This was on the hard Saturday.) We wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't gone into the house right then. Lo and behold, it was our DARLING little neighbor from across the street. She's very young, I think around 7 or so. And she has the BEST EVER parents I've ever seen. They take their kids outside every day no matter what the weather and they have lots of other kids over all the time and they're so patient and kind and take great care of their yard and home, and the kids are always adorable. Well she was skating around the neighborhood on her whatever you call those single wheel roller blades with a basket over her arm distributing butterfly drawings just because. So WE GOT A BUTTERFLY DRAWING, and I'm telling you it made my heart sing, cause if you can't have your littles with you sometimes there are others who share that special innocence and joy and it's so special. So look what we got to put on our fridge, yep, THAT icky sticky hard day...

Baby artist sharing her joy, yay!

She has no idea how much we just love it! So I searched through my art supplies, always one to encourage the littles in creativity and found a lovely butterfly coloring book that was yet untouched and we ran it over there and gave it to them with a note (written in super glitter marker that she'll enjoy) letting her know how much we love it. When Rob dropped off the coloring book and card, her Dad said she was so proud of her drawings and rightly she should be! 

And here's the thing. I realize it's been a heck of a tough year. But I also realize how much my Loves have given and still give, here, there, everywhere, and so this year, for Cupcake Day, I've decided it needs to be a democratic year. Because almost all my girls are in Heaven now (except of course baby granddaughter who high fived them on the way up/down I'm sure, and her beautiful Mama who is here with us) it's not going to be "only" a Sweet Jess cupcake. And there won't just be one. 

We're making a batch of from scratch carrot cake cupcakes with yummy cream cheese icing, and we're sharing with our little artist and her family across the street, with my sister's husband, and if there's anyone else who wants one, pop over and get it quick cause they won't last long. Hubby printed out the most gorgeous recipe, and tomorrow I'll upload a photo of our shared "democratic" cupcake, which I'm sure Sweet Jess would approve of, cause she was always a very sociable gigglepuss who loved to share her joy.

Happy Celestial journeys to Sweet Jess
and Mellie, and Mom.

I love you my sweet daughter, forever and a day, as you know. Thank you for your gifts, for your ongoing presence, and for being you XO

Mama

Never be afraid to love with all of yourself. When you're loving, love finds ways to come to you when you least expect it and what a joy that is.

If you'd like to read more of our story, you can access my books at Coming Alive After Death: Recovery from Grief and Letters from Celestial Jess: Afterlife Messages from My Daughter

Namaste. 

~Jen

Going to a Very High Place

 

New neurographic drawing, yay!

I've been spending a lot of time learning, processing, and comforting myself with books and movies after the passing of my beloved sister and mother less than a year apart. When I'm processing that much emotion I tend not to work because thoughts and memories come frequently and I find myself sort of staring and just looking at things like trees and birds and the rainbows my crystal in the window decorates my studio with on sunny afternoons.

So it is with relief and gratitude that I find myself finally able to focus on output rather than all that processing and putting painful things into a more comfortable context. Last night I found myself bored with television and reading and I didn't want to think - dishes were done and the kitchen was nice and clean, so I padded into my studio from the living room and grabbed a brand new block of watercolor paper and one of those gorgeous Pigma Graphic markers I love to use for neurographic drawing.

If you have an interest, there's lots of information available on neurographic work, and methods vary according to who is doing or teaching the concepts. I tend to like learning the rules about various subjects/techniques and lots of times I enjoy bending or breaking them, as I love to be creative in many ways without too many firm guidelines. So I'll share my process here, though it does deviate from the formal procedures developed and taught by Pavel Piskarev.

Once I had settled back into my comfy chair in the living room, I left the telly on but turned the sound down low so it would feel comforting but not distracting. I lit one small beeswax candle because I think having the elements around (fire, earth, air, water) invites inspiration. Generally I sit at my drafting table with its efficient task lighting and proper seating for most of my artwork, but the fun thing about neurographic drawing is that it can be done in very informal settings. So, using a pillow to prop my watercolor block upon my lap, I followed some of the rules as I began crossing the page with simple looping lines traveling in various directions.

Remember doing this as a kid?

I've been working on a series of paintings based on my own style of neurographic drawing and the series is called Love Prayers. Right now there are almost 10 paintings "finished" and about 20 more waiting to be done. I write the ideas for new Love Prayers in a text file and pick out whatever seems like it wants to fit once I've done about this much loose work (photo above). But last night I knew I wanted to do the one that says, "Sometimes I just wanna go to a very high place," so I deviously drew my starting lines with that in mind. I liked the subliminal message of rising above all the negative B.S. we're dealing with on our beautiful planet right now - so many of us are doing that any which way we can and I'm right there with ya. Well HA! HA! HA!

Ya see, this is the magic of art: it has a mind of its own! And the best laid plans, even those made with precision and knowledge based on the application of rules - are not completely predictable! So I continued, still thinking I would place objects as originally intended (a person standing with their hands folded and their head sort of tilted to the side, on top of her high place - the mountains). And the rule abiding part of this is of course, to round out the parts where the lines meet. So I did.

All points nicely rounded.

As I looked at it after rounding out the sharp corners, a different image implanted itself in my mind. The one shape that inspired this image is the central one that just begged to be the person's chest. And above it, the face, and it looked like the arms were spread out - no folded hands at all! So I worked on the chest first, then the face, then the outstretched arms.

She looks at this point like she's standing,
 looking down upon us, and I wondered
if she was asking me to draw her wearing a tutu.

My female figures nearly always have boobs. 

At this point I'm worried about that loop that interrupts the flow of her outstretched arm, but with art I've learned to play instead of worry, so I just let it tell me what it wanted to be, and TA DA, we got a gorgeous dragonfly up there in the sky with her!

She's becoming....

So now she's got hair, hands, legs, shoes, her dragonfly, and a voice she's using to let us know what she's thinking. At this point I didn't like the hands, but they didn't tell me what they wanted for finishing until the very last. And I was surprised that she's not standing at all, but sitting on top of her mountains.

Ah, her happy place is becoming populated.

Along with her friend the dragonfly, she now has her hometown among the mountains, and it includes a church with a graveyard. Why? Because she's meditating and getting in touch with her Higher Sources and Lovies in their Heavens! So she's in a high place in more ways than one. She's up on top of the mountains, but also way high up and in touch with the Celestial Beings. And what is in the sky up there with her? The sun of course! She's so happy she's radiating love from her heart out into the universe.

All the things!

And of course her universe includes the stars and moon and Celestial light from above, and love, and her hands finally told me what they wanted - that middle finger gently touching the thumb to indicate that she's meditating.

It'll "read" better when it's painted. And it'll be gorgeous. Can't wait to get started applying those irresistible colors! I'll post some more when it's done.

So I'm a project person rather than a "clock" person, and I tend to work until the work tells me it's at a stopping place. I knew the drawing for this one was done because it was ready for me to sign, and I always do that last. So at about 5 a.m. I decided to wind down and go to bed, but took a little extra time to download photos and crop them cause I knew I'd be sharing this with you on the blog today. 

I tucked myself into bed after the first birds started to sing the trees awake, and the first fingers of dawn snuck through the lace curtains in my room. Sweet sleeps came along with dreams of the colors I'll be playing with very soon, and I didn't get up until 1 p.m. If I'd gone to bed "on time" like a "civilized" person, I'm pretty sure this little gem would never have been born because the peace of the night is marvelous and I feel blessed to be able to enjoy it at last, with no clocks to do other than sing their chiming songs to me. Time, it is quite precious indeed.

But Lord, I'm grateful there will be no pop quizzes today, cause I'm tired! This kind of silly, fun, stylized artwork gives me so much good energy and I'm very grateful for that too! May you experience the good energies of creativity in your days no matter what you find yourself doing XO

Namaste,

~Jen