Chapter 82 Building New Traditions

 

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COMING ALIVE AFTER DEATH 

by Jennifer Anne Berghage!

Chapter 82 - Building New Traditions

I HAVE LOTS OF RECOMMENDATIONS to share for coming alive after the death of our beloveds. Each one is a “when you’re ready” or “maybe never” choice that you can make. These new traditions and activities in my life have helped me along the precipitous path of recovery from what I surely thought I would never be able to survive.

After the death of my daughter, I fell into a place where the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of myself were all in jeopardy, and either through serendipity or actual seeking, I discovered ways to help strengthen all four aspects.

Some of the following recommendations are more focused on particular aspects of Self, and others target more than one aspect at a time. Each can be customized to fit your particular needs; there is no set way to experience them. Some will appeal to you more than others, and some will appeal more at various periods of time in your life than others. For example, I had been given a very special journal to write in just after my sweet Jess passed, but it was months before I touched it. Some books I would pick up to read, and had to put them down until later, and others I stayed up all night to read. Let’s start with the very basic basics of comfort.

• Brush Your Hair Therapy

Many times when I could not sleep and was feeling anxiety and anguish, I would sit at my desk in my studio and brush my hair one hundred, sometimes 200 strokes. Doesn’t matter if your hair is short or long, just brush and brush and brush. It is very soothing. If you have a partner or significant other, children, (or even beloved pets) you can brush their hair for a good long time, and it is one of the most relaxing things you can do. Or they can brush your hair for you. Let them know what feels good, too soft, too hard, make sure they’re brushing the scalp, not just the ends, since this brings the blood circulating just where it helps the most. And your hair will benefit by being all nice and shiny from the distribution of its natural oils. This very basic activity can help to calm those feelings of anxiety and anguish late at night when you can’t sleep. Brush your hair. It’s love.

If you don’t have hair on your head, you can perform massage, with or without oil, it works the same way to soothe and calm anxious emotions.

• Two Pairs of Socks Therapy

This one is very simple and affordable. When my daughter died, it was January, so very cold. One day I put on a pair of socks and they just weren’t keeping my feet warm, so I pulled out another pair of really thick, fluffy socks with red and white stripes on them. I call them my Dr. Seuss socks. I pulled them on right over the thin socks I was already wearing. When I put my feet down to touch the floor they felt softly cushioned and somehow protected, which lent me more comfort than I’d have imagined possible. I padded around in double socks for many days, loving the comfort of it. Sounds silly, but try it. Believe it or not, fluffy socks make an excellent present for someone who is deeply grieving. I know others who like to sleep in thick fluffy socks for the comfort they bring.

• Velvet Pillow Therapy

When we’re in shock, which many bereaved people feel for several months after the death of a beloved, our sense of safety and security is severely compromised. I found that I felt sort of numb a lot of the time, and at other times, I felt raw and exposed, (especially after dealing with others or out in the world doing things) so I was protective of myself. In between the tasks I absolutely had to complete, I would hunker down in a place where I felt safe, either my little couch in my studio or in my bed at night. I happened to own a couple of velvet pillows. When I found myself alone at night sitting on my little couch or reclining in my bed, I discovered that stroking these velvet pillows brought me a sense of comfort. The pillows were so soft and they required nothing back. They just soothed me and even this tiny type of soothing helped. I knew I could look forward to my safe place of simple softness while I was out doing what I thought I could not do, and I carried the knowledge of my haven and these tiny soothing feelings with me while I had to be away from my safe place. I know it seems very basic, but an excellent present for someone who is deeply grieving is a true velvet pillow or blanket.

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COMING SOON from MindStir Publications!

There are pages and pages and pages more, of new traditions in my book that I find both helpful and loving as we navigate the journey of grief.