How to Create Relationship with Your Self To Become Strong and Stay That Way

As an artist, sometimes I write and sometimes I paint. This time, I'm writing to share thoughts and good things....

This painting is called "Circle of Life" and is by Frank Howell. It is a limited edition serigraph. Copies are available at FrankHowellGallery.com

The idea of recognizing the stages of our lives as women is not new, and there is a wealth of information available to us about this, such as Linda Savage’s Ph.D. work on Reclaiming Goddess Sexuality (though this is not a post about sexuality per se except that when we feel alive, really alive, and not threatened, healthy sexuality flourishes as a natural result).

The Forks in our Lives

I started to acknowledge the stages of my growth when confronted with a fork in my life that was simultaneously devastating and completely invigorating (divorce, dreams shattered, children in jeopardy, all personal pathways interrupted, new directions). At that time, I felt as though I was surrounded by a darkness so huge, I felt lost and totally helpless. The image I described in my journal was of being suspended in space, with no floor, no ceiling, no walls, just vast, dark space surrounding me. This feeling was highly anxiety producing to say the least.

What I didn’t understand at the time was that all creation is born of the void, or the darkness, and in reality, I was in a safer, if intimidating, place. A place of birth.

Support Systems

In order to find strength where I didn’t have any support systems, I turned to Middle Woman--the older version of myself, who would survive these times and circumstances that threatened me. I wrote her a letter.

I will share the contents of this letter but first want to share why I wrote it and how it has helped me so that you, too, can begin a rewarding relationship with your best Selves in order to surmount the forks, changes, or difficulties in your life.

Why I Wrote to Middle Woman Self

I wrote out of faith. I knew that if I were to survive (and dare to dream of flourishing), there was a “me” out there that had developed all that I didn’t now know and I wanted to tap that strength.

How I Wrote

I wrote from the heart, sharing fears and asking for support. Not miracles, I knew there was work to be done--my own work, emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual—I wrote to create a connection between us, a faith that would sustain me as I traversed uncharted ground.

Tips for Writing to Your Middle Woman or Elder Self

•  Imagine your best Self
• Know that she exists, and acknowledge that survival has already happened in a good way
• Tap her knowledge and experience
• Listen to what she tells you—if she offers advice, take it, follow it
• Be honest, it’s okay to acknowledge fears or difficulties or obstacles
• Imagine the best in Middle or Elder Woman and what she would say to you having succeeded in what you’re trying to do
•  Let love shine through
•  Offer gratitude and thanks

Results

Wow. I went from being an uneducated single mother working a menial job to being employed in a professional capacity by one of the greatest universities in America.

I went from washing floors and cleaning bathrooms (all the while telling myself if I couldn’t handle the little shit I’d never be able to handle the big shit) to sitting around glossy conference tables with groups of people who came together to make decisions in support of goals that would change the lives of hundreds of people.

Yes I took courses to develop my education. I highly recommend this, but not necessarily in the traditional pathways, get your education wherever you feel it will serve you best.

Yes, I worked hard, really hard. Dreams come into this plane of reality as a result of action. Taking action to build the foundation of your very own, precious dreams DOES bring AWESOME results.

My Letter

Now I’ll open up to a little vulnerability and share my letter. I’m not perfect and never will be so I feel a bit out there doing this, but if it helps you, it’s worth it (let me know).

Dearest Elder-Middle Woman,

Hello, hello, it's me, Middle Woman; I've grown into you, and though it happened at a reasonable pace, I hardly realized I was there until now, when I realize it's time to reach out to you. Years ago when I was a young and struggling single mother, I wrote to Middle Woman (the me I would become), asking for you to take my hand and share your wisdom, your self-confidence, your strength, your endurance, and your faith. You did; many times I turned to you and you were there, reaching out your hand to pull me up. I can see our hands entwined so clearly in my mind's eye, as I have so many times, and I am sincerely thankful for all that you have shared.

Since I wrote to you, and continued to reach out to you from my mind and heart, I've been able to progress from one who did not go to college and had only a menial job and undeveloped skills to one who now has one of the most sought after jobs in the world as an instructional designer, with influence across the globe, and opportunities that support my learning, my growth, my skillsets, and even better, this job is meaningful in that it improves and enhances the lives of many others. It also brings me a financial income that is life sustaining, which is important and much appreciated. These things that have come to pass have been greater and more rewarding than I imagined possible, thank you.

My first dream was to be an editor, and I became one, earning credentials that are recognized in the field and a lot of really comprehensive experience, which serves me still very strongly, and likely will continue. My second dream was to be a writer, and I am one, who's been published numerous times in a newspaper with a circulation of 20,000 readers, and courses that I help to develop and publish that are changing the lives of hundreds of people for the better. I understand that I am part of the transformation of our society from a production oriented economy to an information oriented economy and I am honored to be contributing in this meaningful way. It is an important historical era, in which I have a part, like my ancestors had a part in their eras. Thank you, Middle Woman, for the work we did as we developed our education to best serve our skills.

I am so grateful for all the circumstances that came together to place me where I find myself today. I am also sincerely grateful for the wonderful, wonderful people (Earth angels) who've come into my life since then. Not only am I surrounded by a group of really fine, highly creative and well educated people who have wonderful attitudes and great commitment to the work we do, but I also found my true love, my sweet gem of a husband, and we've accomplished so much together and are able to enjoy such wonderful companionship and romantic love, laughter, our strengths, compassion and understanding and support for our past histories, as well as our hopes and dreams, and the wonderful comfort of daily routines. I am full of gratitude and thorough and ongoing appreciation for this special relationship and the good influence we are able to have on our four children, our animals, and the home and land that we care for and that feeds our souls and those who visit us here. Thank you Middle Woman, Angels, Great Spirit, my Creative Source, for your beautiful presence in our lives! Please continue to protect this very special relatonship, XO.

I look back and am so grateful for the protection that we've enjoyed, and look forward with gratitude to that which will come. I am grateful for the mystery, the unpredictable synchronicities, the inspiration, and the love that feeds my spirit as I move about in this world, this place, that I love so very much, the Earth. I think back on the times that felt difficult, challenging, hard, emotionally exhausting, and I remember that there was always something to bring comfort, whether in the form of a person, an activity, a circumstance, a story, a bit of music, a dream, or any number of the other ways in which you communicate with me, in which you love me. I am grateful for this comfort in my life, thank you XO

So here I am today, realizing that I am no longer Child, Little Girl, or Young Woman, but Middle Woman, solidly placed and having her first glimpses at who Elder-Middle Woman may be.

A large part of me is human, as it should be here in this place, and with that comes some degree of struggle, and I am writing to reach out to you for assistance. The invitation for help in gentle ways, is extended with humility and appreciation, and I extend my determination to be worthy of it and see it through for the benefit of all. I have some areas of weakness, some areas where knowledge needs to be developed, and some small fears. I also have sublimely strong inspiration, substantial faith, and unflagging enthusiasm for the possibilities that I can bring to life with your help.

So, Elder-Middle Woman, one of my weaknesses is that through the years of struggle, when I was younger, I made decisions that no longer serve me. Some of those have to do with my level of movement/exercise, and some have to do with stresses I put on my physical systems, such as smoking or drinking alcohol. So I invite you to gently lead me towards better expressions of movement, reclaiming my love of dance, my love of walking, my love of being in Nature, and towards better practices of eating what my body will thrive on and exposing it to fewer stressful substances such as smoke, nicotine, chemicals, and the like.

I have devoted much of my life to the development of my mind, and the demands on my time have been such that there has been no balance of physical activity - but I love to move, the feel of sweet movement, and am open to bringing more into my life if time will allow. I have also sought solace in chemical substances such as nicotine/cigarettes, which I would like to replace with fresh air, with no backlash from the sometimes unwise choices of youth.

There have been times when I loved sitting alone, either in Nature or in my home, or when I have been with other people when cigarettes brought comfort, ease, peace, acceptance, etc. Now I find that I am open to the idea of letting them go, gently, easily, with no adverse physical health issues whatsoever. Let these substances only gentle me, not own me. I like that the new activities I am engaged in keep my hands occupied and there is hardly room to participate in activities that are not life sustaining to me.

I am open to more of this, and more of simply enjoying the beingness without the unbalanced support of these substances. I enjoy them, and I'd like them to be only enjoyable, rather than addictive. I so appreciate any gentle help you can give me in addressing these issues. Please help me to make the life sustaining choices simply easy and rewarding. Thank you.

Another area that is challenging right now is the learning that must take place to make me good at these new endeavors. I am watching my business become a reality - brought from the dream world, a long time in coming, and I love it as I love my children, fiercely, devotedly, unceasingly, relentlessly, and with great interest and excitement. I am now encountering business practices in this world that I must learn to understand, and I ask you to send me the very best contacts who can help me set up the systems and negotiations and processes that will support the growth of the inspirational ideas you send to me to bring to life, to reality, for the benefit of all. Please help me to connect with them, to understand what I need to understand to be effective, efficient, and fruitful. I am grateful for your assistance.

What I know of my ability to learn is that I can, and I am ever so grateful for the very good mind I have in this lifetime, the unceasing interest and unquenchable enthusiasm that underlies its continuing search for satisfaction and the ability to put out in the world, to contribute in a meaningful way to many others. I also know that whatever I want to know is out there and will come to me if I seek it. Please send me the best of the best for all who can benefit, thank you. And so it is.

Now we come to fears. I have some, which I invite you to help me put to rest for all time. I fear there will be no audience for my outpourings of creation. Let there be a huge audience who will purchase, and benefit, who will soak up the great inspiration of these pieces of spirit, of art, of soul food. Thank you. And so it is.

There is fear that I will be unable to negotiate all that I need to learn to be competent in the realms of business operation. Let me easily learn all that I need to, to streamline things for all those involved. Thank you. Bring to me the people who can help me, and let their hearts be in my best interests and in the best interest for those who will feel my influence, thank you. And so it is.

There is fear that I will not know how to deal with a huge, ongoing income of money, to make it stable, to make it grow, to make it life sustaining for me and my family. Please help me to easily understand how to make money work for the best for all concerned. Thank you. And so it is. Energy is life sustaining, may it grow and become nuclear so that it sustains itself for the benefit of all. And so it is and so it will be. Thank you.

So Elder-Middle Woman, here is my first invitation for you to join me in what we are creating. I give you strength, as you give me strength, I love you as you love me. I welcome your input in dreams, in my mind and heart each day and night. I extend heartfelt gratitude, and celebration for all that is possible and will become reality, for the benefit of all. May the Great Spirit guide us. XO

Sincerely, with great affection and love,

Me, Middle Woman XOXO

Please don’t be shy about sharing your comments on this post. I’d love to hear if you’ve written to your Middle Woman, and how that has helped you, and I’m sure that others would too. There’s much strength to be gained from sharing.

Namaste!
Jen

Little Goddess Clay Face Cabochon Beaded Necklace

Little Goddess cabochon clay face is getting all dressed up!

This is about where I left off yesterday on the clay face cabochon necklace. Isn't she sweet? She's a pleasure to work on. I need a name for her, what should it be? The spiral on her forehead indicates that her third eye is open, so I'm sure she's a goddess of some sort...do you think she's sleeping, or meditating? She emanates a very peaceful vibe. I've decided to call her Little Goddess.

My studio and Little Goddess in progress

Today the weather was gorgeous so I had both windows open to the breezes and sunshine while I worked. You can see that I use books for reference, but I never copy the designs - I just use them to learn which stitches I need to use. I sat down around noon and finished for the day at about 11 p.m. Took a break to walk the pups and have dinner with my wonderful husband. I'm such a hot date on a Saturday night...lol. 

I listened to a 24-hour marathon of Murder She Wrote last night and today. I love that show! Great stories, very corny. Today one of the episodes had them working on a computer and they were using DOS. If you don't know what that is, count your blessings, if you do, you're probably about my age and you have my sympathies for having to learn DOS : ) I love noticing the technologies in the old television shows - the honkin' cordless phones, the phone booths, the huge computers. Ah progress is GOOD. But I digress...

Almost finished with this part!

So this is where I am now. She has a soft tan suede leather backing, a sweet little seed bead border, and the hanger is ready for a Russian spiral necklace - haven't ever done that before, but was looking at how to do it in one of my bead books last night and I think it will be beautiful. Tomorrow I'll finish the other half of the fringe and go for the necklace.

This fringe is interesting. I'm using about 6 yards of thread just for the fringe, and starting from the center, so have wound up half of it and sewn the right-hand side with the other 3 yards. The thread is magnificent - doesn't tangle at all. It's silky, but not too slippery, so it holds a knot very well. I don't put many knots in my work, but I like to make sure it's very strong and stable, so a few in strategic places. 

So far I've spent about 20 hours on her, but this is my first one like this, so it takes longer to learn. The time includes choosing the beads, and I don't know which part I like to choose the most - the colors that surround her face, or the background, or the fringe. The fringe on any of my pieces is always exciting because I usually do it last, and it's very satisfying to finish : )

She will go to the Green Drake Gallery for sale when done, but I'll also do some for my Etsy Dreamkeeper Creations shop. Stay tuned, I'll upload a photo of her when she's done - and this time I'll take her outside where the sun helps me capture her beautiful colors much better.

Namaste!
Jen

Wow I'm loving this new style of beaded cabochon necklace!

New beaded cabochon necklace

I bought some exquisite cabochons - which are flat sided large beads or clay faces or dichroic jewels, and have started to make some beautiful necklaces with them. Wow it's so much fun! These are one of a kind pieces - no one else will have anything like it.

This one is about two inches long at this point. She's glued onto Lacy's Stiff Stuff which takes the beading like magic. She'll have beading all over the white part, a really nice border, some gorgeous fringe, and a braided seed bead necklace. She'll be a long necklace, somewhere between 24 and 30 inches depending on what seems to work best.

She'll go to the Green Drake Gallery for sale in a couple of weeks, one of my higher ticket items. So far I've put in about 4 hours, and it'll be a lot more til she's done. Time very well spent - yay! 

You know what I'm doing for the next several days...and I am looking forward to making some more for you - these are really special. Let me know what you think!

Namaste!

Jen

Cosmic Surfer Beaded Cuff Bracelet

Cosmic Surfer Bracelet

Thought you'd like an update on the Cosmic Surfer beaded bracelet. It's about halfway done, and yesterday I had a chance to pick up some lovely soft suede for the backing. This Dreamkeeper Creation will go into the Green Drake Gallery when it's finished.

Little Troll Magnet

I got a bit distracted from Cosmic Surfer bracelet this weekend because my clay was calling me. I spent some relaxing time making this crazy wild little Troll Magnet. His face is made of Sculpey clay, baked, and his eyes are tiny green seed beads. I painted his face with several soft washes of acrylic paint, gave it a coat of Dura Varnish, and popped in a tuft of Tibetan lamb's wool for hair. He chose a carved bone bead for his earring and some colorful crow beads for his hair. He's a happy little guy who twinkles at me from the fridge whenever I'm in the kitchen.

Faber Castell COLORS!

Today I'll spend a bit of time sparkling up the house and then I may not be able to resist playing with my new pastels for a while. They are an irresistible present from my husband for our anniversary. I could also say they were a present from my irresistible husband for our anniversary : )

Here are a couple of the photos I'm considering using as a reference - which one should I choose?

A gorgeous rose

A fluffy hibiscus blossom

Calendar country

Eventually I'll do them all, but I'm considering the challenges in each one. With the flowers it's the colors and the layering that will make them sing. I did a series of roses years ago and adore the shapes of the petals - though a rose is a rose, no two are alike, but they're all beautiful. With the landscape the challenge, and joy, will be in the colors that hide in the clouds and sparkle over the land. I love this land.

This is going to be fun. My first foray back into pastels in about 30 years. I've missed them so I'll be happy to be again working with those stunning pigments.

Happy Sunday, happy creating!

Namaste

Jen

Wedding Jewelry for Julie!

LOVE is in the air, and I've been working on some jewelry for my friend Julie, who's getting married in November. 

Bridesmaid's Necklace and earrings, only I changed the earring design later.

The biggest challenge in making this jewelry was matching the color to the gorgeous fabric Julie chose for the bridesmaids' dresses. It's called "Sangria" and I went on a quest to find the perfect color accent beads to complement the fabric.

Works in progress!

I tried a couple of different designs based on an example Julie had provided - trying out different types of sterling silver chain links between the pearls. This time it was wonderful Gordon Lightfoot who accompanied me during my work sessions. Mostly they're play sessions though, because I love working with the beads so much that it just doesn't seem much like work : )

Just waiting for the bridesmaids to put them on!

After about three days (cobbled together from weekend hours and late night hours) I had finished the necklaces and earrings. Notice I switched the earring design so that the heaviest pearls are on top, accented with sterling spacers, tapering to beautiful cream colored pearls on the bottom. This sort of shape will flatter the face when worn. It also echoes the design in the necklaces.

I made six bracelets also, and wish I'd taken a photo but after many hours I was ready to wrap them and prepare them for delivery. I hope the girls feel like princesses for a day while they're wearing them, all dressed up in their gorgeous Sangria dresses to celebrate Julie's very special day.

We're still working on the little flower girl's jewelry - she's six years old, and I'm really looking forward to it. Will add a photo when done. 

Makes my heart sing to be asked to contribute to such a special occasion. I'm sending blessings and prosperity and love to two wonderful people who've found each other (yay!) and decided to make a life together. Mike the dog whisperer, and Julie, wrapped up in the love of their families, beginning to make one of their own, which, of course, includes Carly, the cutest dog I've ever seen - 

I have never seen a dog as cute as this pup!

And Molly, Mike's pup.

Molly and Carly

Best wishes Mike and Julie!!

Mike and Julie

It's going to be a very special day, and a very special life!

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to add to your joy.

Namaste
Jen

Celebrating Pregnancy

Celebrating Pregnancy (Click on the image to enlarge it)  

I saw this woman walking down the sidewalk the other day and she was wearing a long summer dress, patterned with horizontal stripes. She was verrrry pregnant, and it was so interesting how the stripes hugged all the curves of her body - I wondered if she knew. She seemed so content in her flip flops and stripes, and she inspired me to do a little art journal painting to celebrate pregnancy and motherhood.

The details in this painting are inspired by the beautiful glass mosaic bird feeder in my backyard, where the birds come to feed, and kick out seeds that fall down below and become beautiful sunflowers. We love to fill the feeders with those nice fat black sunflower seeds. All kinds of birds love them and come every morning and evening. I like to think of a young mother-to-be walking in a garden enjoying life all around her as it grows inside her.

We also have some lovely purple geraniums, a wild variety, that grow under our bird feeders, and they wanted to be in the picture too. 

This mother is making a vow, as most mothers do, to love her baby, come hell or high water, never shut the door, always be there, forever and a day, no matter what....

Here's to loving mothers everywhere! 

Namaste,
Jen 

ArtFest Weekend!

Let Your Light Shine!

It's ArtFest Weekend in State College, and that always gets me kicking up my heels! The weather is midsummer hot and steamy, there's bluesy music downtown at all hours, and artsy people everywhere, YAY!

We'll go eat some good food and check out the sidewalk chalk paintings, walk around soaking up all the creativity, and have an ice cold beer to top it off. Fun times!

I always get very inspired around ArtFest Weekend, though for the past couple of years I've been doing artwork constantly, so I feel more in flow with this river of creativity now. This little painting started out with abstract background colors, then I looked at the flow of paint to see what type of creature was waiting to be brought out. She's a moxy, foxy little sprite, who's tossed all her inhibitions away in the heat of her celebrative moment. She's celebrating life. Sometimes that calls for fishnet stockings. Make sure to break yours out once in a while....

Namaste,
Jen

New Dreamkeeper Creations jewelry available at Green Drake Gallery!

Gorgeous and affordable handmade one of a kind bead necklaces!

This is entirely too fun. While winter winds swept through the valley I hunkered down on Friday and Saturday nights, sometimes until dawn, listening to episodes of Frasier (hilarious) and Murder She Wrote, and sometimes just plain excellent music (David Arkenstone) playing with beads and making these gorgeous necklaces, earrings, and bracelets.

Finally I have them ready for you and today took them down to The Green Drake Gallery so you can touch them, read about their wonderful gemstone properties, and bring them home for you and your lovies.

It's a lot of work to get them ready! And I LOVE every bit of it!

Earrings! Just so....

My earrings are made from one-of-a-kind handmade glass beads that I buy from artists who love their work and it shows. If you do a You Tube search on handmade lampwork beads you'll get an idea of the lengthy process they go through to create these gorgeous beads. When I get them I examine the colors and accent them with beads that complement their glorious colors. I love the process of choosing their accent beads and putting it all together, aided by my special muse, who sometimes doesn't know the meaning of sleep!

I love to go to the Green Drake Gallery. I've been visiting galleries since I was old enough to walk. They feel like home and smell good (wood, paint, artist vibes, all good) and I'm old enough to have experienced several "cycles of life" including both the ups and the downs. My mission is to give you the very best of what I can create that's both affordable, and beautiful, and the bonus is that you can take a little bit of Green Drake energy with you as you progress in life, to give you strength, beauty, and hope despite odds that may sometimes seem a bit challenging.

Awaiting your arrival and their new caretakers--

When you purchase a Dreamkeeper Creation you're investing in yourself - the energies that help you to align and function on healthy levels. They don't come from me though I put the creations together, they come from Spirit, our creative Source - I never work alone. Choose what you are drawn to - I believe these energies and the beauty that the piece brings enhance your very own capabilities that you may not even be aware of! It's a special kind of magic. I should also say that though I wear a lot of gemstone jewelry, and choose carefully depending on which energies I want to enhance for what I have to accomplish, some days I just wear glass - wanting no extra influences. You can feel which days those are and there are some pieces that are just plain glass to accommodate those times.

So here was our journey today to and from the Gallery - stormy sky bringing wonderful spring rains that I so love - 

Our journey under stormy spring skies

And here is what I have to greet me on my desk when I arrive at home - I'm sure the spring rains helped to bring this beautiful flower about and it truly feeds my soul, as I hope it does yours too! We thrive on creativity in all its forms!

Peony - LOVE them!

I have three peony bushes in my backyard, and I look forward greatly to their blossoming and wonderful fragrance each spring. 

I hope that you'll come out and visit the Green Drake Gallery, even if just to sniff the wood floors, soak up the creative energy, and vibe out on the great music during the frequent events they offer. And if you want to celebrate life with a little sparkle, know that my muse and I, in the guise of Dreamkeeper Creations are there to help you do that!

Namaste

Jen

How Nature Can Answer Our Call

CROW painting - click to enlarge

In this post, I'm sharing one of my very informal art journal entries with you.

A poor wounded squirrel was in my backyard one day a couple of weeks ago when my husband was out of town. I didn't know what to do. I was worried about the squirrel and also my pups, who had to be sequestered in the house all afternoon. I called some neighbors, but no one was available to help. Then I called a number of Animal Control agencies, vets, etc. but they couldn't help either.

A little while later, as I sat in my kitchen looking out the window and wondering what to do, (Help! was the calling of my mind.) Mother Nature came along in the form of Crow, who sent Squirrel on The Long Journey very kindly, and with dignity (Crow didn't eat Squirrel or do any harm other than to put Squirrel out of its physical misery).

Pretty soon I was able to take care of Squirrel's now unneeded body, while its Spirit ran off to the Big Garden in the Sky.

Thank you Crow for your kindness to Squirrel, in ending its suffering. Thank you Mother Nature for your help when I was out of options.

This watercolor painting came about as a result of this experience.

About the words in the painting - I have this little bowl of Angel Cards that I keep in my dining room.

During the time when the Squirrel/Crow situation was happening I pulled a few cards. I'm always amazed and amused at how supportive they are. Before you pull one, you ask a question, or ask the Angels to tell you what is best to know at this time.

They told me not to worry, to keep the faith (FAITH card) and feel peaceful (PEACE card), in contrast to what my mind was telling me, which wanted to panic, thinking OMG, the poor squirrel, what the heck should I do???

And that thought, plus some Internet research (how does one pick up a wounded squirrel, what equipment is needed so it doesn't bite you and will you get rabies if it does...garage check for equipment, which listed heavy gloves and a towel, had the towel but the gloves I didn't have, alternative solutions included putting something over the squirrel to protect it, but all I could find was pots for our plants which the pups could knock over, besides, they'd block out the beautiful dappled sunshine that the wounded squirrel was currently enjoying, and if I did succeed in picking it up then how would I drive in the car with it, how would I contain it - it was too much alive to be safe in the car all the way to the vet or animal control agency...brought thoughts of several options, none of which I could follow through on, such as picking up the wounded squirrel to move it out of the yard or take it to a vet, and other options that were unthinkable, along with letting it suffer for who knows how long....)

The Angel cards told me support was on the way (SUPPORT card). They reminded me that Squirrel is Squirrel, and Crow is Crow, (INTEGRITY card).

In the end, Crow did one of the things that Crow does best, in giving the gift of Heaven to Squirrel. It was a very interesting experience. And I felt thankful that Squirrel was no longer suffering, my pups wouldn't be in danger, and Crow had come to help.

The Past, Present, Future = NOW words are included in this painting because they're an acknowledgement that there is only this moment now, which is what we should focus on instead of the past which no longer exists or the future which is not here yet. This understanding can be found in many ways, and is supported by many teachers, including Eckhart Tolle, who wrote the book The Power of NOW. If I had to choose a favorite book this one would be at the top of my list.

When confronted with death, this thinking is very interesting to me. It suggests a continuance - a sort of "constancy" or "ISness" that cannot be destroyed.

Food for thought - happy pondering.

Namaste,
Jen

Dragon Therapy - Art

So I'm going to take a risk and share a little bit of vulnerability with you. Something happened to me that I think happens to many people today. I got totally overwhelmed. We have so many things we're taking care of, working on, planning, doing, and sometimes these things can make us feel out of control, make us feel that we are not really our true selves.

That's what happened to me and I realized I didn't have the tools to correct the situation, so I turned to a trained professional to collect those tools and begin to apply them. Dragon Therapy, which you'll see here, follows this process of healing. I bet there are things in this process that you can identify with, and I hope my little drawings bring you joy and help you to know that where there's challenge, it can be met superbly with the right tools. Click on the images to enlarge them then use your browser back button to come back to this post.

Yes I'm seeing a psychologist in order to collect some new tools.

I've only ever had counseling once before, when I went through a harrowing divorce about 17 years ago. The counselor saw me for a few sessions and announced that I didn't need her, I was fine, so I went on to raise my beautiful children and move forward in life in a big way. That counseling dealt more with mourning a life that was "cut short" which is quite different from the counseling I'm experiencing now, which is about collecting tools to facilitate empowerment.

Defining the Problem

Like everyone, I aim to please. I aim to not only do well, but to excel - to really make a positive difference in the lives of others. And sometimes I overload myself doing that. Ouch. My sketchbook shows that I've given a "persona" to this feeling of being overwhelmed - it is my Dragon - "the internal demon who kicks me in the butt and burns me to cinders, ostensibly to save me from outside dangers or my very own Self."

What my dragon tells me is that when we're overloaded/overwhelmed, our bodies go into fight or flight mechanism, but with many of the threats we face today, there's nothing to fight and really nothing to run from. They're threats about accomplishing things with limited resources, stretching and overextending ourselves till we're wound tight as a stretched out rubber band.

Learning about my Dragon

In the process of healing and attaining empowerment, I had to figure out who my Dragon is - where does it live? Where does it come from? I discovered it lives in the PAST, and it lives in the FUTURE, but rarely does it actually live in the PRESENT. What that means is that I'm "judging" what's going on NOW based on experiences in my past that were painful, and projecting that potential pain into future events. That's not reality. It can be corrected with the right tools, hallelujah!

Learning to tame my Dragon

In learning to tame my Dragon, I learn what not to do - don't try to silence it, it serves a very good, strong purpose - protection of the Self. Don't try to fight it or kill it, instead, take a step back and look at it, figure out what it needs in order to be a friendly Dragon. My therapist reminds me that Dragons can be tamed, but they will also wake up crabby sometimes, and we have tools for that (yay!).

Peaceful time with friendly Dragon, ahhhhhh

One of the most important tools I've learned about in taming the Dragon is the ability to step back and notice my own thoughts. I can ask myself "am I in emotional mode?" or "am I in logical mode?" and when I'm feeling most anxious and pressed I understand that I'm stuck in "emotional mode." So to scoot over into the balance between logical and emotional mode, which takes me out of panic and puts me nicely into a balanced way of thinking I've learned Tool #1 - "Just the facts, m'am." I'll put up the image I've drawn for this in a bit, but there's another one that comes first. That's the one where I'm discovering the triggers for my Dragon. What sends him into attack mode?

TRIGGERS

So I've examined the triggers that send my Dragon into attack mode - the things that make me feel overwhelmed, the things that trigger fear/fight/flight. The most obvious one is having too much work to do with not enough resources. No matter how much I might want to be able to accomplish this, there are times when I need to look about and find out what my resources are for taking some of the load OFF. And you know what? They are there. They are available. But you have to take the initiative to ask for them, and you have to have other people who listen to you and have the authority to get you the resources that are needed. It's okay to ask, sometimes you have to ask persistently until you are heard.

Tool #1 Think factually

Here's the image I was talking about a minute ago - Tool #1 is to learn to think factually - "The sun is out," "the sky is blue," "I am well," "I got a lot done," "I need to get some more resources on this," etc., instead of emotionally - "oh no, more clouds again," "this workload is gonna kill me," "wow, I feel overwhelmed."

More images are coming soon. One thing I want to say about my Dragon Art Therapy is that I have placed no rules on it. I am recording my thoughts in very fast, uncensored drawings and then putting color to them to help convey my feelings. This is not the thoughtful, planned, presketched type of art that I like to do for decoration, it's sketchbook art that quickly captures thoughts and feelings, giving me a way to track my progress that I can recognize, and the funny thing is, it's poignant, but also totally amusing, and even funny at times, so I'm sharing it. More to come -all comments are most welcome : )

The Future Is Your Inspiration Painting Finished

The Future is Your Inspiration

All finished!

I like how this colorful watercolor has turned out. It's a little message to myself to keep going - you never know what you can do if you don't apply yourself. Little faery is lovin' the baby oak. Eventually she'll move it cause it can't grow to its full potential in the deep shade of its parent; it needs to be out in the sun, but there's lots of space close by. (Click on the images to enlarge them)

Pencil sketch on watercolor paper

You know I love the looseness of the pencil drawings. For this one I moved her arm - did you notice? I like the sweetness of the "Father tree" watching how much his offspring is loved. I like that little Faery gives the sapling her attention like she has all day to do it. I'm sure she has flowers to paint and birds to ride, so many things to do in the faery world, but she's happily "in the present moment." A good reminder for me....

Ink is done 

Here's the ink sketch, just waiting to be blown off the page by lots of color. I probably need to reign myself in on my wild palette, but not yet ; )

I'm happy to have been able to finish the triptych; finishing anything is good, even if it's not perfect. Then we can move on to the next one, taking what we've learned with us, which will be even better!

So now I'm exploring dragons.

Who is my Dragon?

Dragon, for me, represents the demons I fight - the challenges - the obstacles - the fears. And what I've discovered is that I don't want to kill mine, I'd much rather make friends. Tame it, work with it, see what it brings to me. 

Camel Dragon?

So in working with my Dragon, I'm playing with what it looks like. This is the "camel" version. Kind of cute, could be dangerous if not handled properly or mistreated (BIG teeth).

Exploring ears, horns, spikes, textures, and eyelashes ; )

Yes, my Dragon will have eyelashes to beat the band, don't ask me why, I have no idea. I think his ears are somewhat inspired by Benji's, what do you think?

He doesn't know he's Dragon inspiration....

 And here we have the realization that I don't have a clue what a dragon's nose and mouth area looks like. Hm, research needed. Anyone got a dragon I can babysit?

Hm, I've never seen a dragon, how does the understructure look? Obviously I haven't a CLUE....

Tune in soon for updates on how Dragon's coming along. Should be interesting if nothing else ; )

Namaste

Jen