Magic Mystery Roadtrip Revelations PART ONE

The New River at the foot of the Bluestone Dam,
my stomping grounds while growing up.

I dreaded the trip. I was scared to leave the protective environment I've been living in, surrounded by the beauty my husband, Rob and I make together in our home, my beloved animals, Lil Bear and Benji and Joey Max around me, and the place of my heart, my studio, where I live and breathe art every single day and 3/4 of most nights. The place where I guard my daughter. Still. I was relieved we couldn't afford for me to go but I was also torn about that because I wanted to be with my husband through hard stuff, we got married to do it all together.

Rob's sweet sister Betsy passed away, and she is beloved to him, so of course he wanted to be with his family to celebrate her life and mourn her passing, to offer strength and love, in Florida, 1100 miles away. There wasn't any way we could afford for me to go with him because we'd gone through about $70,000 over the past 3 and a half years with my daughter's sickness and her death. We're still climbing out of that hole and will be for a while.

And you know what happened? FAMILY.

My dear sister came over to visit as we were getting ready to pack for him and planning his trip. Plan A: I would hunker down with the pups and my kitty here at home, and he would fly to Florida, stay two days, and fly back.

My sis rang the doorbell (you know how I am about doorbells if you've read my blog posts about Jessie's passing). Well I opened the door and there was my 84-year-old mother right behind my sister, both wearing Madonna smiles on their faces. I invited them in, fixed everyone a sandwich and some iced tea, and my mother took my husband aside and handed him a cashier's check for $5,000. Yep, five grand. Oh my.

She said, "I love you. You will BOTH go. If this is not enough money, let me know." It makes me cry to remember it. It's the kindnesses that make me cry. When I called her later to say thank you after Rob told me what she did, I said, "Thank you Mom, it is right and good that I go and be there with my husband, and we will pay you back, and whatever we have left over we will give back to you."

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" she said. "There is no payback on this. And I don't want any leftovers. I love you. And I want to do this. You can thank your father in heaven for making this possible too." So I shut my mouth and took a deep breath - this was to be the first funeral after my daughter's passing and I wasn't sure I could do it. I might pass out. I might have a total meltdown. I might just die on the spot during sweet Betsy's ceremonies, and what kind of help could I be to my husband, bringing my own heavy emotional load along?

Well. We were in for a lot of magnificent surprises.

Plan B: That five grand allowed Rob to rethink his options, and he said, "I want this trip to be a celebration of life for Betsy. For all of us. I want to drive down and live along the way."

So I made arrangements for our pups to have a little summer vacay at the Royal Pet Resort, and my wonderful next door neighbors took care of our kitty at home and watered all our beautiful plants. No small task, bless them, as my hubby is a horticulturist and we have LOTS of plants that need watering. We traded, and we're taking care of Kip, their kitty, while they're traveling for the next couple of weeks. Good trade. AND, my kitty, Joey, and Kip are BFFs. They can be seen lolling about on the grass or the driveways with their paws around each other. They get along, wow I love that.

We're old and we get stiff and sore sitting in the car without stretch breaks, so Rob said we could make a detour to West Virginia, where my beloved grandparents are buried. I never thought I'd get to visit that place again. And it was oh, SO special. Rob is my true husband, having been there when my father passed away, when my daughter passed, and doing the lifebucket things with me like taking me to Hawaii, which had always been a dream of mine. There's no one else I'd rather have with me for things like this. He's the one.

I know every square inch of this riverbank!

When I was a kid, we traveled all over the world with my Dad because of his job for the first 10 years of my life, so I never "belonged" anywhere, and didn't have the opportunity to develop close friendships. I was always the new kid on the block. BUT, whenever we were in the U.S. between overseas locations, my Dad made every effort to take my Mom to visit her mother and father in the Blue Ridge mountains. They lived right down the street from the Bluestone Dam, and this was my stomping ground growing up.

We could walk right down the street to the dam and play along the riverbanks and climb high into the pine forest beside the dam. This place was the only constancy in my life growing up - the place where all the kids knew us and loved us and all the grown-ups in that river mountain town loved us as if we were their own and we'd run from porch to porch along the stretch where my grandparents lived and sit on the porchswings and tell ghost stories and the women would feed us as if we were starving, pie, cake, cookies, ice cream, popsicles. God it was heaven on earth. It was as if all the children in the neighborhood belonged to everyone, and we never worried about a thing.

We'd come home after playing outside 'til dark and Mom would plop us in the bathtub, sprinkle baby powder all over us after we got out, and swab our mosquito bites with pink calamine lotion. Then plunk us into bed, where my sis and I would look out the window at the moon over the mountains and listen to the cicadas and the grown-ups downstairs laughing and every now and then shouting "YAHTZEE!!" If you've never played that game, try it, it's really fun. Kinda like poker with dice, (no betting in our homes).

My grandparents had the WHOLE set of National Geographic magazines and they kept it all lined up in a bookcase in the room where we slept and I'd lose myself in those magazines for hours, happy as a clam.

I am a mountain girl.

These are the very logs we played on in our flip flops 40 years ago!

Rob's skipping rocks, which we used to do for hours when we were kids.

Here's me taking the photo that appears at the top of this post.
Ah, sweet sacred territory.

So we walked all around the dam and I told Rob stories about what we did when we were kids, before music, men, marriage, just - it was the time of innocence. And I loved going to my Gammy's because at home we were taught to help out so we had chores all the time, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, doing dishes, all that stuff from the time we were about seven years old. Every freakin' Saturday, big chores, like oven cleaning or cleaning out the fridge, and on weekdays dinner chores and homework for school. When we got a bit older we cut the grass and weeded the garden and picked up fallen apples for Dad too. At Gammy's house there were no chores. We helped to clear the table after meals, and very occasionally helped with the dishes. But mostly it was "Go out and play and be home by dark." Yeah, baby. Good times!

We tramped all through that water when we were kids
while my Dad and Granddaddy fished.

Look at the bench on the far left....

See that bench on the far left of the photo? Something that cracked me up while we walked around, was that there are about 4 benches along the high banks, and they're the very same ones that were there so many years ago when we played there. However, the trees in front of them have grown so much without being trimmed that instead of getting a view out over the river, you find yourself looking into a solid wall of trees. I wish I'd taken a picture of those particular benches farther down, but I didn't because I was having too much fun scampering all around and wanted to get to the water. Yes, I got my feet wet : )

We drove past my Gammy and Granddaddy's house, of course they've been gone to heaven now for many years and the house has new owners. I learned something.

"Did you take a picture of the house?" my Mom asked me when we got home.

"No." I said. It would've broken her heart. I wanted her to remember the house as it was when my grandparents lived and loved there.

My grandmother had window boxes across the front of the house which they planted with fragrant purple pansies every spring, and my granddaddy grew and took care of roses in their backyard and also in several garden areas at the dam (they're no longer there). He was well known about town for his roses. He had a row of peony bushes that were fragrant and so very beautiful and my Gammy would cut some and bring them into the house. Gorgeous. I was hoping I could pick one of his roses and press it in a book if the bushes were still there, but it was not to be.

It was the grounding in family and in beautiful nature there, that helped make me who I am today.

But when we drove past the house, well, actually we parked along the street to look for a few minutes, every window was closed and all the blinds were down. The blinds were not in good condition. They were twisty and bent and misshapen. We drove down the back alley behind the house and there were no peony bushes in the yard and no rose bushes in the yard as it had been, and the cedar tree next to the wonderful screened in back porch was dead but still standing. The paint was peeling all off the porch area of the house. The yard was taken over by a huge bale of hay sitting in a huge garden of only tomato plants. And there was a big, old, faded black truck that took up about half of the yard. Just parked there. Maybe forever.

Revelation Number One. I learned, yet again, that a dream is built and comes to fruition through the love of the people who care for the dream they're building. It is very beautiful. It is loving and it embraces all who enter their abode. Their homes reflect their love, and when they die and the homes get new owners, the dream changes, and those new owners aren't always so loving of their environment, maybe they don't even dream at all.

The vibes were different at the house. I'd imagined buying a cake and some flowers and knocking on the door, introducing myself and seeing if they were up to letting me take a walk around the inside of the house for old times' sake. But seeing it - nope. That was not happening. They clearly didn't want any intruders. It didn't feel welcoming. It didn't exude love, it exuded domestic troubles and hiding inside. Definitely NOT how it was when my grandparents lived there - they used to hand out over 300 lollipops each halloween trick or treat night. I know because my Mom would buy the bags of lollipops to send to them every year. Not anymore. So we drove on by and went to explore the playground of my childhood - the dam and the gorgeous river.

On this leg of the trip my husband also took me to visit the place where my sweet grandparents are buried. Way up on the mountain, overlooking the most gorgeous vistas of lush, green mountains. Granddaddy always said he would "sit on top of the marble mausoleum where they're interred and kick his heels and just enjoy the view" after he was gone. It's a helluva place to do just that.

But I forgot to take a pic  of the view and here's why - I had spoken with the man who took care of both my grandparents' interment at the mausoleum and he'd given me directions on how to get there. Go across the bridge, cross over the railroad tracks, turn right, and follow that road up the hill past the cemetery to the mausoleum at the top of the hill.

We did that, but after we crossed the railroad tracks and turned right down this little tiny road winding around the bottom of the mountain, we saw that we were driving through a sort of neighborhood and there were houses lining the road. It really felt like a private driveway. "They're gonna shoot us," Rob said. He's a yankee through and through and I'm a southern mountain girl in my roots. "It doesn't feel right driving down this road because it feels private! I think we shouldn't be here." So we turned around and went back to town and parked in the Magic Mart parking lot to check my directions and see what we could do. I put a call in to Mark Fox, the funeral home owner and director and he answered right away. I explained that we'd just gotten into town (about 4 hours later than our estimate) and we tried to find the mausoleum but we were lost.

"What are you drivin'?" he asked with a slow, Southern drawl. "A green honda accord," I said, wondering at his question. "Where are you?" he asked. "Magic Mart parking lot," I said. And he said, "You just hold on and wait faaave minutes. I'm still in town and I'm goin' to get in my truck and you'll see me coming around the Sunoco. I'll take you up there myself." Wow. I mean it was late and I'm sure he wanted to go home for his dinner and family time, but he came around that corner in faaave minutes and pulled to the side of the road. I waved, he waved, and we followed him on the very same route we'd taken before. Crossed the railroad tracks, went down the tiny road through the little neighborhood, did not get shot at, and ta da! after a while, the land opened up to this huge mountainside dotted all over with beautiful headstones and at the very top was the mausoleum. We parked next to it and he got out and we exchanged hugs.

Mark Fox, the owner of the Ronald Meadows Funeral Home

You know what else they did for us? I told my Mom I'd have flowers put into the vases that are mounted on the mausoleum tiles and Mark, smart businessman that he is, hooked us up with his flower shop. Crystal, the girl who works for him there, drove all the way out to get the vases, made the flower arrangements, and drove all the way back to hang the vases on the crypt door tiles. Wow. Such service. She really went out of her way for us. We couldn't just pick up flowers because their flower shop closed at 2 on Friday and we didn't arrive 'til way later than that. And there's a "thing." In a small town like Hinton, where everyone knows everybody else, you wouldn't think of buying flowers from anyone other than "the people who took care of your people," it's just not done. Relationships last not only lifetimes, but generations, down South.

Something funny about this photo of Mark Fox. He's a very busy, smart man. He owns the funeral home (there are only two in town), a thriving flower shop, and also runs both of the family farms.

I asked him, "Mark, may I take your photo so I can bring it back to my mother?"

"Nope," he said. "I'm in my farm clothes."

"Oh, but it would mean so much to her, and you look wonderful, please?" I begged.

"No m'am!" he answered.

"You know Mom, Mark! She wouldn't care if you were wearing nothing but an old flour sack. She loves you, and she would never forgive me if I didn't bring her home a picture of you!"

"Well, all right, just this once." Phew. He does look really good in a suit and tie, as you can imagine.

They got very close when he took care of her parents. He was working at the Ronald Meadows Funeral Home as an employee when her father died, and he did such a beautiful job taking care of everything. That was the first dead body I'd ever seen, and my beloved grandfather really did look like he was just taking a nap. They put his glasses in his jacket pocket and I'd never seen him without them. That was weird. I was pretty young. So when Mom's mother died, she talked with the receptionist at the Ronald Meadows Funeral Home to get things started before making the trip down from her home in New Jersey. Mom said, "I don't want anyone else to touch my mother except for Mark Fox, who took care of my father!"

And Mark Fox didn't even work there anymore. But they called him, and he came and dressed my Grandmother and she looked absolutely beautiful. He told us he'd been visiting with a friend of his the night before who had made some blueberry wine, and invited him to taste it. "Gol' durn it!" he said, "I meant to have just one glass and git on outta there so I could do Miz Fergie the next morning, but we wint through the whole bottle and I almost slept right through the next day!"

"I had a hangover the likes of which I never want to feel agin, but I got in there and fixed up Miz Fergie right purty. I did it for Jane." (My mother.) He told her the story of the blueberry wine and their friendship is such that she laughed and laughed.

"Mark told me I'm the reason he bought the Ronald Meadows Funeral Home," Mom said. (I love to hear her stories.) He said he always loved it, so after he took care of my grandmother he made arrangements to buy it and run it. Mom said, "He asked me for a little handful of my ashes when I die so he can hang them over his desk, because he says if it weren't for me, he never would've had the gumption to buy the place." I will remember to send him some. He's done well, and lives in one of the most beautiful homes in Hinton, a gorgeous palatial place with columns spanning two floors on the front of the house, a magnificent porch, and lots of beautiful architectural detail.

"Mark," I said to him before we left the cemetery, "I hope you know how special your work is. How much it means to us to have such love and care as we put our loved ones to rest. You make everything easy and smooth and special, not just their bodies, but the hard conversations we have around arranging things, and the thoughtfulness you put into all the details."

"Well thank you," he said. "That's why I do what I do. I want people to know we care." Wow, I was so impressed with all they did - from fixing the flowers and going out of their way to take them to the mausoleum, to driving in to meet us and take us to the cemetery when we couldn't find it, to the stories and conversations we had while there. He treated us like he had all the time in the world just for us. Thank you Mark Fox!

My Grandaddy's resting place - Julius David Ferguson (Mr. Fergie)

My Grandmother's resting place - Thelma Williams Ferguson (Miz Fergie)

After we'd visited my grandparents' resting place, we drove to the Dairy Queen in Hinton - which is located in the most beautiful spot of any Dairy Queen in the nation. It's built right beside the New River, and you can sit outside, or in one of the rooms that are so close to the river it seems to be rolling on by almost underneath the building. We ate there frequently when the whole family was alive, so to close out this leg of our trip, Rob and I went to sit by the river with full and grateful hearts. I ordered what I always did, a plain old cheeseburger and fries, and he had the BBQ pork sandwich. I declare it was the best I've ever enjoyed.

So when we arrived at our hotel after dinner, Rob watched a little TV and figured out the next leg of our trip while I wrote in my journal. I didn't climb into bed 'til 2 in the morning. I was so excited to be there in Hinton, West Virginia, one of my very favorite places. We started one of those soft bedtime conversations in the dark, and Rob's always really good at waking to listen. I told him thank you so much for bringing me back to my childhood, and told him how much happiness I felt in my heart. We talked for two hours about our childhoods and didn't fall asleep til 4 in the morning! Good thing he had been asleep for a while before I joined him. He was driving the next day.

This leg of our trip gave us such unexpected feelings and experiences. It was so precious to be able to share that part of my life with my husband. And the resulting conversations were also really precious.

The next leg of the trip wouldn't be so easy, but it was also full of unexpected surprises.

Kindred Spirits

Jess's beautiful photo of Mt. Hood
with a poem I absolutely adore.
Click on the image to enlarge it and
read the beautiful poem.

So I had a thought tonight. It is the wee hours of morning with light thunder rumbling softly, kind of romantic. I've just gone to bring my kitty in from the porch so he's now happily sprawled out across a little bit of catnip I sprinkled on the floor.

The thought that came to my mind was a response to some feelings I have as so many new babies come into the world to people I know and love. It also relates to the parental relationship and my life as a child, an adolescent, and an adult.

The thought:

"And what is it to bring a child into this world who can love? Does it matter who they love, or why they love, or how they love? Or simply that they love? Especially when they love someone who really needs it. Someone imperfect. Someone who may not be able to properly receive or return their love.

We are all here to experience and express love and sometimes we learn what love isn't before we are able to define and express the love within us. Sometimes we earn our wisdom by exploring what love isn't. Sometimes we learn that at home, and sometimes out in the world. Sometimes both. We may think we don't welcome this learning, but as we progress through it, which can be quite painful, we find, as we grow, that it can lead us to a most beautiful place in our hearts, and ultimately, in the world.

Because what we do with our learning and how we respond is what builds our character. It is what makes us who we are. That is our freedom and our choice, as individuals."

I am learning to recognize the twinkly eyes that are a sure tipoff of someone who understands love, someone loving, someone who loves not only the world itself, but its peoples and creatures too.

If I become very wise, I hope that I may be able to let the twinkle shine out of my eyes and my heart so that others can recognize it. So that they will know they're kindred spirits, safe with me.

Namaste

The Sacred Stone

Sacred Stone made a gazillion years ago by sweet Mother Earth

With permission from my special friend I want to share a story of creation with you. I'm feeling very blessed, surprised, pleased, and joyful that over the past couple of years, this year especially, my activities have strongly taken a turn into directions that are more fulfilling than I ever imagined they could be.

I love a new project. I love beginnings. I love working with people, being creative with them, and helping to bring their personal visions into a form they can hold in their hands, wear close to their hearts, and gain confirmation and strength from.

Imagine for a moment the start of a new project. The dream.

"Hi Jen, I'm going to send you inspiration photos for a necklace I'm going to commission." That's how this began, a conversation with 3,000 miles separating us, but the magic was already starting to happen.

My friend - I cannot call her a client, and I cannot call her a customer, for in hearing the stories behind the reasons most people invest in my work, gorgeous relationships are born, and they are so precious - sent  several images of mystical, magical worlds through my Facebook feed. I thought, as I drank my tea after waking up to start my day, how wonderful to explore each one and soak up the essence of this woman - part gypsy, part warrior, part movie star, part gentle lover of all things vulnerable - her dreams, her challenges, her hopes, wins, losses, her inexorable climb. What a fascinating and somehow strengthening way to spend my time, orienting myself to her vision.

I am learning my audience, and like the roots of the trees in the forest, we connect, we communicate, we find the kindred nourishment that feeds our souls. It is in some ways humbling, and at times resoundingly glorious. 

Here, I must apologize because I'm about to break a rule. I want very much to share a few of these images with you, but I don't have the names of the artists who created the works. If anyone does know, please send along any info, I'm more than happy to include credit where it is due. I've decided to break this rule because the importance of sharing the process with you is greater than the rule, and in any case, in time, I may be able to remedy that with some research. But for now, take a step into a tiny bit of the collection of works that help a woman to define herself, to feed her soul, to stay strong despite her challenges.

Fox Woman/Medicine Woman

My beautiful friend has gorgeous red hair, when she isn't wearing it blue or purple, and she has strong Nordic ancestry lines.

Portal to other worlds

She has an awareness of other worlds, having experienced a near death event when she was young. The details of that event are a gift to her from Spirit, to keep her strong on her journeys. She said to me "I remember hovering over my body, and was startled at the acknowledgment that it was mine! Long story short, I went through some kind of tunnel and came to a blue/grey place of knowledge. All information was accessed instantly, and communication was telepathic. All questions answered. Everything was there...."

She said, "...I made a decision to come back for my [family member], and it was one of the toughest choices that I can recall, as once you see/feel pure love and frequency like that, it's hard to separate with. I was told it would hurt, and it did."

Worlds within worlds

She sent me this picture, which to me speaks of the depths inside seemingly innocuous portals of ourselves. As we go about life, we experience all kinds of things that help us plumb them to collect wisdom.

We run.

She sent me worlds that capture the urgency of our internal missions, sometimes we know not where or why we run, but we run. Sometimes we run towards something, and sometimes away from something. We run, even standing still.

Allies.

And we are not alone. We have allies and one of our greatest powers is to know who and what and where our allies are. They can take many forms. They may be people, animals, plants, birds, fish, places, activities or practices. Our allies keep us strong.

So these are some of the glimpses into the worlds this beautiful woman inhabits while she is working, doing ordinary chores, loving, living. Being her Self. I tucked them into my heart and mind. I recognize many of these worlds, having my own versions of them, as I might hazard a guess, you do too.

She said, "I had a vision once of a deep, abundant waterfall that poured from my heart, and pooled into my diaphragm. This gave me strength and clarity to my words and clear insight that cuts like a sword and illuminated the dark and taps into the sacred. I hope that helps. Like an insightful, healing, protective necklace."

What wonderful information to receive as we're beginning her one-of-a-kind creation! Wow, what artist wouldn't be thrilled running with that?!

So over the years, I've collected beautiful cabochons from places all over the globe, and I have vendors that I like who are located also all over the globe. We knew this would be a gemstone necklace. 

I looked through my cabs, feeling the tugs of all of them as they appealed to me to work on them - everything in good time, and I may need a lot of it, and I sent her photos of some of the ones that had strong energies, the right colors, and captured various parts of her vision.

I am careful when I send things for my peeps to consider and dream on, because I know that too many choices create confusion. I try to get it pretty close. 

Jasper/agate with a bit of quartz

This jasper/agate cab has very strong energies and is very beautiful, also it was close to her colors, but in my mind I didn't think it had the composition that would be just right for her. But I sent the photo for her to consider.

Gorgeous labradorite

This labradorite cabochon is beautiful, and captures the waterfall she spoke of, but I didn't feel it was the strongest for her because it was a bit limited in composition. I think it would appeal more to someone who is very attached to the sea. Also, for her, it was a bit small. But I sent her the photo to dream on.

Seraphinite - Angel Wings

This stunning cab is called seraphinite and we both fell in love with it. I told her I'd need to order it and it had to travel all the way from India. We loved the colors and the spiritual properties of this gemstone, and secretly, before she made her decision I went ahead and ordered it because I want to wear it xo. I was ready to let her have it if she decided that way, but if not, oh so special for me.

And there were a few others. But then I knew I had to do something I wasn't sure I wanted to do. I had the blue/grey world cab in my stash and I had thought when I first bought it that it would be mine. But I knew I had to show it to her, so I did. 

Agate cabochon next to labradorite with quarter showing size

I sent her the photo and yep! That was the one! The blue/grey world of knowledge, the memory sparker for her allies who are always with her. A cab that, when she looks at it, she can climb right into and walk around. It has mountains on the right, deep waters in the middle, moss and grasses and clouds and fog. And the darkness of the void, from which all creativity springs. It is her cab. 

My husband and I watched a science series on BBC the other night (probably no accident coming across that info and material) and it took us through the processes of our beautiful Earth as she creates all different kinds of gemstones. Some of them are literally millions of years old, and have been through the pressures of heat and life, and some are created deep in the bowels of the Earth but come to the surface for our discovery through various Earth movements, storms, and upheaval. A gemstone cab is a very special gift of Earth when we get to be caretakers for awhile.

There was a bit more for us to talk about as she made her decision. "In your opinion," she said, "which cab do you think would be the best balance, energy, and design?"

And because I want my peeps to be very much a part of the decision making process, I told her the beautiful agate was the perfect size, and carved such that it would take this particular beading process very well, but I sent her the links to information available about gemstones themselves. They have properties, energetic, scientific, healing, history, etc. And one of my favorite sites for this info is Shimmerlings - doesn't that website name just tickle your fancy? So I sent her the info about agate, which is a wonderful grounding stone with energetic properties that support her vision. Shimmerlings rocks! They have a section for scientific, metaphysical, healing, magical, and zodiac information for each type of gemstone.

So she had some homework to do, since I sent her a bit of info on a couple of the other cabs she was interested in, but after she checked into it, the beautiful agate cab won.

And that is where some more fun begins!!

I have enough beads to open a sizeable store, but with each project, usually some special things are needed, so I get to go research my vendors (of which there are about 20 all over the globe, no, Michael's doesn't cut it), and find just the right colors and shapes and sizes and sparkleness. Oh it is so fun.

Some of my peeps like "process photos," and so I sent her photos of the beads as they arrived. I did as much work on the cab as I could with what I had on hand, but I wanted very subtle color, just the right color, pulled right out of the cab itself, so I had to wait for these beauties to arrive. Argh, the waiting. At least other projects get done in the meantime.

At last they started arriving in my mailbox. Joy!

My drafting table starts to get covered with little dishes of just the right colors.

Fringe tips! (Czech Republic)

Border beads!

Swarovski crystals!

The fringe tips were the last to arrive, having come a very long way - I have to find vendors who don't have a ridiculously high minimum, but carry the selection of colors I want, and have it in stock - the dark blue was quite the quest to find, and very important for the piece. My envelope came stamped with a million beautiful floral stamps all the way from Russia for some of the beads. I should've saved it, but I'm trying to be over that at this point. So pretty.

At last I could say to her, "Okay baby. I'm going to start this right after I finish my current commission. Should be done in a couple of weeks. Do you want me to send you photos along the way?" And she said, "YES!"

So I did. And that is always a risk. Like looking at a painting before it's finished - it doesn't all come together til it is in context with its whole self, kind of like human beings. 

A little vulnerable....

I sent her a photo when I was about half done - and the white backing is showing, and the fringe is only half done and the piece had quite a bit of vulnerability about it. My hubby said to me he couldn't see the vision then, and had some doubt about it, but in my heart I knew.

Fringe tips - Earth and blue/grey world colors!

I sent her a photo of the fringe tips as they started to encompass the weight and flow of the design.

Almost there....

I sent her a photo when the piece was nearly done, backing still showing, but her fluffiness is definitely expressing itself!

Protection.

I sent her a photo of how the design wanted to express itself in the form of a shield, with bronze beads echoing the beauty of the cab.

Incubation

And I sent her the photo of when the last step begins, where I've trimmed off all the extraneous material and the soft, black Ultrasuede is being glued onto the back, in preparation for sewing the border around to finish it. Waiting for the glue to set takes patience, and I was chomping at the bit to work on the rest of it!

Magical Blue/Grey World Sacred Necklace

At last I could finish the backing border and the whole piece came together. Blue/grey world that she can climb into whenever she feels the need for a little piece of her heaven, her allies, peace, and beauty. 

Because of her vision, the fringe begins with blue for the communication chakra, goes to green for the heart chakra, and flows into black, the source of all creation. The colors are subtle, because I wanted to preserve the cabochon itself as the focal point. So outside in the sunshine you can distinguish the colors, but in various indoor localities, it is very quiet.

She's gonna rock it and if I'm very, very lucky, she'll send me a photo of her wearing it. And if you're very, very lucky, she'll let me share it with you!

So that is one story of creation that I'm pleased to be able to share with you. Thanks for your interest in the story. 

I dearly love my work. Thank you for my blessings angels, spirits, my muses, and my Creative Source. Thank you Lovie peeps for the sweet journeys we take together. 

Namaste,
Jen

Arms Wide Open - Overcoming Devastating Grief

There is something that happened to me in the second year after my daughter made her transition to her Celestial home. I call it "Arms Wide Open."

Click on CREED singing Arms Wide Open to enjoy the good energies while you're reading xo

Before she got sick - Jess in the Pergola writing, enjoying some evening wine,
and on her phone, of course : )

While Jess was with us, healing for 4 months, she used to love to sit outside in the pergola by the pool. She would take her journal there and write in the evenings. She'd call friends and be on the phone. I could be in the kitchen cooking dinner or working in my studio (if I wasn't with her) and see her. And love her. She was right there, I was cooking, I knew how to love her.

After she died I'd look out the back door at the pergola and remember having her so near. Near enough to touch. To talk with. To cook for.

I'd put my forehead on the cold glass of the window in the back door and rest it there and sometimes tears would come and my heart would feel squeezed. Owie.

Then one day I realized, like a lightbulb going on in my head and heart - she is here, she is everywhere, she IS love, she is surrounded by love. 

Arms Wide Open

And I turned away from the door and put my hand on my heart, feeling her love, and I walked across my kitchen with my arms wide open in the air, feeling her love beams coming down.

She has all of the things I apply to myself as I navigate life. She has Spirit Guides. She has a Higher Self. She has past lives. She has future lives. She has her "now." She is held in the dearest arms of love at all times. She's had a thousand children, and she'll have a thousand more, as she chooses. She's been married. She's been a conqueror. She's been a slave. She's been a savior. She's been winner and loser. She may be in her Celestial home with her love of all loves right now. She is a BIG spirit, ancient and rejuvenating, regenerating and coming back for more adventures here when she chooses to. She is wise. She is more, so much more than "just" my beautiful sweet Jess. She comes, she goes, she is eternal like all of us. And like all of us she IS, WAS, and ALWAYS WILL BE.

I count my relationship with her as sacred and wonderful. She owns her journey, and I am so honored to be a part of it.

I walked through the living room, through my house, with my arms wide open, so very appreciative of the home where she now lives, the home where we ALL go. The home we come from. Where else would anyone want to be after a job well done?

Wow. It was quite a revelation.

So sometimes when my little ego self looks out to the pergola and I think about putting my forehead against the door again, my spirit self reminds me to touch my heart and I spread my arms, and I feel filled up with love.

Arms Wide Open.

XO

Namaste,
Jen

Kick out Negativity and Germs with Cleansing, Saging, Smudging

Yeah, this feather's gonna be beeeeautiful!

I made my first really special smudging/saging feather about 8 years ago. Have been doing the ceremony for years. It feels good and brings excellent results. My feather is still as beautiful as the day I made it, but I've learned a lot and the beading skills have grown.

We can sage our environment from pollutants and bacteria. We can sage our Selves from negativity and stress. 

The ceremony has beautiful origins in many cultures. My favorite is the Native American culture. Here's a great video on how they perform it and what it does for the body.

And there are many links to scholarly articles on the scientific reasons behind why and how burning sage and other materials clean bacteria out of the environment.

So I've always felt it is a very special ceremony. Great that we have backup and knowledge of why it works. Try it. There's nothing more lovely than the sweet fragrance of burning sage - it answers some primal attraction in our systems. It fills us up. It heals. It calms and soothes.

One of the things I love to make, with spirit pouring through me is Saging/Smudging Feathers. 

The photo above shows the one I'm currently working on, which will have a bunch of colors and gorgeous fringe tips. It'll be for sale first through Spirit Junction, and then through Dreamkeeper Creations on Etsy if it doesn't find its forever home at the Spirit Junction get together, but I have a hunch it might find its home pretty quickly. 

It's a bit of a contemporary statement based in ancient tradition. This feather includes badger fur, and badger represents the right use of aggression. Sometimes we need to be able to express this quality, and sometimes we don't. Knowing when it's useful is all about the feather in its relationship with the Talking Stick - which I'll save for another post.

This feather is an "all color" feather, one that is asking me to make it fun. So the patterns will be as crazy as the beads tell me they want it to be. And the colors will encompass the rainbow and more subtle shades in-between.

The handle is becoming.

I've learned something new with my Saging Feathers and that is to make the handle much fatter so that I can attach more fringe tails. You know I'm a fringe fan from the get-go. So this feather has a nice double wrap of soft leather, snugging up to the strip of badger fur. Once I'm done, you won't see the leather anymore, it'll be a gorgeous stretch of spiral peyote stitch - yum!

Update - I'm attaching a few photos of the finished Zig-Zag Rainbow Spiral Saging Feather. Wowzers!

The whole feather

Detail of the handle and the little collar of golden beads

Detail of the fringe tips

Other fringe tips showing

I'll show you my newest finished feather. It's a little beauty for sure. 

Immature hawk feather with cream, gold, and brown.

This is one of the feathers I bought from Robert Wills at Sunrise Trading Post. Robert Wills painted the feathers used in Dances with Wolves, since they couldn't use real ones because endangered species are protected and most of our larger beautiful birds are endangered at this point, though some are making quite a comeback. I love the movie Dances with Wolves, and what a coup for Robert Wills! Very talented guy.

I also get my fur scraps from him. He provides many materials for true Native Americans who attend PowWows and dress traditionally. This requires fur and other natural materials and Robert saves the scraps that are leftover and makes them available to other artists. This is how I get my fluff on my sacred feathers! Thanks Robert, and thanks animals for letting us give new life to what you no longer need.

The feather above has fox fur on it, along with beautiful glass seed beads in brown, cream, and coppery/gold. 

Fringe tips on this beautiful Saging Feather

This feather is very earthy, so it asked for tips that would reflect that. It sports a little gnome, wearing tan clothing and carrying a green sack of goodies, a tiger's eye bear, a pearl Zuni bear, a hand-painted African carved wooden bead, a jasper bead, a tiger's eye bear and round bead, a porcelain bead, and some excellent quality Czech glass beads.

It's sewn with 10 lb FireLine and the fringe is done with 4 lb Fireline, giving it long-lasting strength and resilience. I know you're going to want to touch and fondle the fringe and your fingers will move over the handle a million times, so I make sure to use materials that are top of the line and will last for a long, long time so you can feel comfortable using your feather.

There she is.

Here's a photo of this feather in all her glory. Lovely, earthy, gorgeous.

I'm doing a fair number of commission orders for these. I sell a set which includes the feather, 3 bundles of fragrant sage and cedar, and an abalone shell for $70 - $80. Some people prefer just to get the feather alone if they have the other materials, and the feathers run between $50 and $65 depending on size and materials. Others like to get a Talking Stick to go with their feather, but that's another sweet story, I'll post about it.

Commission Order

Fringe tips on this Saging Feather

When you want a custom feather done, you get to choose the colors and the feather gets to choose the tips. The feather tells me what it wants. This customer got a beautiful coyote for humor, a bear for introspection, some hand carved African beads, agate, amethyst, bamboo coral, a Czech floral bead, and a Czech dagger bead. The gemstone beads carry their energies and contribute a lot to the overall feeling and effects of using the decorated feather, it's very personal to the one who owns it and performs ceremony with it. Sometimes I can feel the energy of the owner as I'm making a feather even if I've never met them!

I feel like if you're going to spend time in sacred, private, sometimes shared with friends and Lovies ceremony, you should have the best quality, most beeeautiful feather to do it with! 

Thanks to all my Lovies who've purchased their sacred feathers. And thanks for all the interest from those who might like to have one!

It takes me about two days to make these feathers. What distinguishes them from others that are less expensive is that they're "finished" properly, as I try to do with all my beadwork. The area at the neck of the handle is decorated and softly transitions between the 11/0 beads to 15/0 beads, to the fur. And there's no fur caught in the beads (ouch)! My feathers are in good shape, not all tattered. And the fringe is an added bonus. You can hold it in your hand as you're saging and it feels good! These little touches of quality add time, but I think it's well worth it. 

Cleansing in all its forms is GOOD. 

Thanks for visiting and reading about Saging/Smudging. Hope you take it on as a little time spent with yourself to clear away the cares of the day and perhaps share your ceremony with your Lovies too. Happy saging!

Namaste,
Jen

LGBT Shining On! Story behind my bracelet design.

Spirits Rising LGBT Design by Yours Truly xo

Like champagne bubbles rising, my little seed bead rainbow spirits float against a backdrop of inky blackness - the "void" or "nothingness" from which every single thing arises - it is the playground of our Creative Source, where dreams reside, and thoughts waft along, looking for reality in matter.

I've been wearing this bracelet for a little while since I finished it, and it's always a good sign if I want to wear something I've made. I wish I could capture the way it sparkles in the dim light of evening. I can't help but admire it, and I feel honored that spirit worked through me to create it. As an artist, I consider myself a "tool," or "vehicle."

I might keep this one, which means I need to make another one - and I will also sell the pattern so other beaders can make it for whomever might want one. 

How it started....

The design of this bracelet is based on my very favorite people of our beautiful Earth, the Pomo Indians. I researched their culture when I did a bunch of illustrations for their ancient stories, which include their "prehistorical" migration from Lemuria to California and Hawaii. Note the Hawaiian image on the quarter I chose to show the size of the bracelet in the first photo xo.

I've worked with their designs before in my watercolor borders and found myself completely stumped because they can't be fit into 1/4 inch graph paper. It can't be done. I found myself wondering while I was doing this bracelet - How did they create designs without a chart? How did they figure out which colors went where without a pattern to work from? They must have had genius brains - really. 

Did they work in sunlight? Outside with those tiny beads? Did they work by firelight? Did they work by feel? Sometimes I do. How did they handle interruptions? What did they spread their beads out upon? I have special Chinese porcelain dishes in which I put each color and I've labeled them with a sharpie marker for pattern work, A, B, C, D, E, F, G. How did they do it? I'd love to know. Is there an Elder anywhere who can tell me?

Beads on the loom....

This is how it looks to me while I'm sewing. I'm getting good at it and I think of all the beaders and quilters and anyone who's worked with six feet of thread. The challenges and the teaching of your fingers on where to hold, where to pull, where to tighten, what to watch, what to pick, they are all so much appreciated and respected by me now. Working with long, long thread means you have to pull your right arm out about ten thousand times and ibuprophen is much appreciated. I keep telling myself my muscles will get used to this and I find that the only thing to alleviate the pain is to do it again and loosen it up with use - kind of like exercise.

Comfort.

This is my pattern. I created it with help from above, and follow it diligently. It is like a song to say the letters out loud, which is what I have to do to get it right. It's satisfying and there's much joy in watching the design appear in color before your eyes, under your hands.

One border done, yay!

This bracelet asked me to balance it with beautiful rainbow colors on one side and black on the other. I love the point where it comes off the loom and I get to work up the borders. Aren't they sweet? I call it "polish." It's one of the things that distinguishes my work from other cuff bracelet artists - finesse - a good finish.

Details, details!

I love how the sweet clasp turned out. Six rings to hold it and six rainbow colors to fill them. Adorables!

The COST.

This bracelet has special meaning for me and I would hazard a guess, for many others. I made it because I am ANGRY at the politics of today and the rampant judgment of others. I have so many people in my life whom I love with all my heart who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender/transvestite - I LOVE them!! 

So with this bracelet I am declaring this and it is my announcement that we do not have the right to judge other people. Earth is a planet of free will and if we are living without harm to others what judgment is there for the love we express? 

AND I will just say that all those who do judge will find themselves in their next lives, yes reincarnation is real, becoming that which they judge so they can learn. HA! Enjoy it folks, hope things are a lot more peaceful when you get to experience it.

Not preaching, just sayin'. It's a fact folks, and not "alternative." Two-thirds of the world knows what we've been hoodwinked to disbelieve. 

Spirits Rising, oh yes.

So here it is. My statement. Elegant. Sparkly. Quality materials. Meaningful design. Some of the very best work I do.

I'm thinking I'll keep it. And make another for you, and make the pattern available at Dreamkeeper Creations, I'm getting good at patterns, yay.

Namaste all,
Jen