Wednesday, March 14, 2018

The In-Between Time

Sweet Doves, the birds of Love
So I've been sitting vigil for some of my Lovies who have transitioned to our Celestial home over the past few weeks and days. Rob's Dad is in our Celestial home now. My sweet friend and colleague Amy is in our Celestial home now. My sister's son's wife's mother is in our Celestial home now. My husband's father's sister's son is in our Celestial home now. Ah, so many exits. We celebrate their beautiful lives with love.

Sweet Incense
I light incense on the porch outside and a candle or two in my studio for them. My candles are like winks or nods that I know they can see and feel. I fill up the birdfeeders outside and somehow feel a connection and communication through the sky-fliers. They come in flocks, or couples - the cardinals and blue jays who've been procreating in our backyard for some 12 years now. The hawk who sits in the tree across the street that I can see outside the windows of my studio. The crows who caw in the evenings and the doves who coo in the mornings.

Lovely Cardinals, Spirit's Herald
I feel my daughter close, who has been living in our Celestial home for going on four years now. She strokes my hair and makes my head tingle sometimes in the quiet of the night when I'm doing artwork or beadwork or writing. When she was here in life and she was little, she would stand at my elbow while I was working, and I would explain to her what I was creating. It is like that when she strokes my hair.

She also played again with the TV tonight to let me know she was here, or maybe it was sweet Amy checking in. I had had the TV on for the evening, and was at my desk winding up a few details on the editing project I'm working on. When I finished, I turned to go over and sit on the little leather couch in my studio, and I realized the TV had half turned itself off. "Hello," I said. I wasn't sure if it was Jess or Amy visiting but I knew it was Spirit cause one of the first things they learn to do because they are full-on vibration is to play with other full-on vibration here, and electricity is that.

I blew a kiss and air-talked with whatever Spirit was visiting, asking for my TV operations to be restored since it is my comfort. I worked with the remote control pushing various buttons - the "all power" button vs. the "on/off" button. It took its time responding, but respond it did after about five minutes. "Thank you," I said.

"I bet you're loving it," I said in case it was Amy. "You're still you, but bigger, and you have no pain!" I said. "And you can slip in and beam your love to your family!" I said. "I know, I know," I said. From the bottom of my heart, I know.

We all have our angels xo

They have zero judgment and they beam love and encouragement to us all the time. They feel so very relieved of the weight and machinations of the Earthly world. It's meant to be a good, sweet world, but at the moment it's in the control of some really unawakened, dare I call them, people. I want to call them barbaric animals, but no, I will not say it out loud.

I thought of what my friends who had lost children to death said to me, "It's a long road, but you'll make it," as I remembered the beautiful, heartfelt post Amy's daughter posted - my Mom was a strong woman and she raised me to be that way too. I will carry on and live my life to the fullest, because that's what she taught me, gave me. I'm paraphrasing here.

Tree of Life 

And I thought, I said the same things when Jess made her transition - I felt strong in those first days. But it is a long road with lots of ups and downs. And I wanted to tell Amy's family - cry when you need to right out loud. Those tears are healing for your body and mind and soul. And laugh. Laugh whenever you have the opportunity and it sneaks up on you, most likely brought on first by a loving, sweet animal, or perhaps another family member or friend. See the beauty in the passing of each moment and grab what sunshine there is. Your heart may feel heavy sometimes. Put on two pairs of fluffy socks and wrap up in a soft bathrobe and curl up under a blanket when you need to, with that sweet animal or a fresh-from-heaven baby human. Hug a lot. Sleep with a soft, fluffy teddy bear to shield your wounded chest from the pain. Pull out hankies when you need them and walk tall in the world in-between these times, doing what it is you care most about.

The sun will come out. It will come out now, but not in the brilliance that it will come out later. Ride the waves of emotion and know that they will pass. Be ever so grateful that you had someone to love so much - some people do not have that in their lives. Know that your mother, daughter, wife, sister, aunt, is not missing, like some others who never find closure to a life so well-lived. Know that she did not pass through violence, but surrounded by the tender, loving care of her family. Blessings. So many blessings. Hold them dear. I think her beautiful spirit orchestrated this. It was her journey and what a beautiful journey it has been.

The sun will come out....
Know that you will be reunited. Yes, go on and live your life to the fullest, not out of fear, but out of love. Love for the life she gave you, love for the love she poured into everyone and everything she touched. She was an inspirational spirit. So very special.

This is the in-between time. For her in her Celestial world, she is now like the facets of a diamond - all of her lives, all of her whole Self, even bigger than she was when she was here with us. She will come to you when invited with a peaceful heart. She is living, more vibrant than we can even imagine. Loving, with a love so deep and profound that we can only imagine it. Feel her all around you, by invitation. And live. Love. No reservations.

Welcome her in dreams, she will come to you. She knew the mysteries of Spirit - we had conversations about it. She is clean and good and whole and happy and beaming her love to you all the time. Yes she is.

The gifts of Spirit are not so mysterious or intangible as we have been taught. Trust the love. Trust the process. Honor her full journey which is now complete, as we must with all those who pass before us. One day it will be our turn and how do we want to orchestrate that? How do we want our beloveds to feel after we're finished here on the beautiful Earth plane?

I want my Lovies to feel happy to have known me. Happy to have benefitted in some way from what I had to offer. Appreciative. But definitely not sad upon my passing. I would want them to celebrate that with all of themselves because that's what I will be doing. A job well-done. A journey completed. A well-earned rest and more adventures to look forward to and plan. Love connected always. I think it is good to treat the deaths of our Lovies as we would want our Lovies to feel when we pass. Because we will, we will. Thank goodness.


Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Celestial Advice on Health

Those birthdays they keep coming....
Yes, those birthdays they keep coming, and though I appreciate the time I have here to do what I do, damn, I'm nearly 60! It is nonetheless, quite a challenge as my body grows older. The knees hurt so much sometimes I cannot get down the basement steps to do the laundry. And I like doing laundry, or I should say I like when it's done and I have clean clothes to choose from. I like folding it hot from the dryer. I like the caring that goes on behind it. My hands don't open pickle jars so well anymore, and when I go out into the world I struggle with stairs and hills and long walks or long waits. 

So I decided to ask Celestial Jess what she could tell me about health, and strengthening myself. Her response was, as always, very interesting, quite simple, and yet profound.

First, she advises me that when I'm doing something that gives me joy I should do it as much as possible. "Whenever you feel joy, it is a sign that you should continue," she says. "The beautiful Universe always gives you signs - and joy is one of the best to trust."

So I asked her about us going vegetarian and why this hasn't brought about the depth of healing I would like. It feels excellent, but I still struggle with some physical issues.

Here, she says, "Well Mamaaa, you have asked and so I will tell you what I know so far. Believe in yourself and all the props and comforts and soothing things that you participate in. If some activity does not bring you peace or pleasure or comfort, question that, and consider whether to continue with it or release it. Props and comfort are very different to each individual, according to their deep-seated belief system. This system can be very complex. Don't be afraid to examine it, bring it into the light, figure out what works for you. Yes, some choices can bring about sickness or exit from the planet, but it really is all about the journey, what you want/choose to accompany you. [All humans exit from Earth, and we have several options along the way to choose our exit. Sometimes we choose it before we come in.] It is all okay - no punishment - maybe limitations or consequences, but no punishment. Choose joy. Choose what makes you feel good. That may change from moment to moment. That is life-on-Earth. All good. All okay. Your choice."

Props and such....

I love the idea of choosing what makes me feel good.
I can go there!
But I still have some challenges. I asked her, "So what do I do, how can I heal my physical body from things I feel the medical doctors introduced - like the arthritis that began, like fire in my blood, right after a flu shot I got? I trusted them, yet that created pain that still rears its ugly head years later."

And this is one of her zingers, I just love them:

So she says to me, "Mamaa, your body rejuvenates itself regularly. You must work with your mind and your belief systems to overcome the pathways your body takes on from your mind, your thoughts. And be very sure of those thoughts - dig deep to find the ones that get stuck in pain and release them, consciously. This is something you need to do regularly, in meditation, to keep yourself as clear as possible. Being human, you will probably continue to tax the human vehicle - tool - the body - and that's expected. That's why we have tools built in for cleansing and purification. Your choice." 

Thank you Lovie!
Really good advice. I will meditate some more. Choose joy. Continue doing the things that I just love to do, and there are so many. 

Are you well and happy?
And I ask her, before closing our conversation if she's well and happy. Of course, her answer is not only yes, but "I'd like to tell you worlds, Momma, I could go on for centuries telling you just everything - sharing my delights, but soon enough you'll join me here and know - For now just trust that I'm well and happy and still with you." I have written the word BELOVED on a neon green post-it note and I keep it on my desk. So much of what I have around me is beloved. Joy. I remind myself not to punish myself for feeling guilty about all the hours spent working in the chair by my desk, I also remind myself to get up and go outside to feed the birds or work on something in the sunshine. Joy. I fit it in around the hard stuff. Thank you sweet Jess for the simple but profound reminders xo

Thank you for sharing your wisdom my sweet big spirit girl xo I love you forever and a day.


Tuesday, February 6, 2018

There Are No Dark Ones in Heaven - from Celestial Jess

Original painting by Edmund Dulac
I wrote to Celestial Jess towards the end of January because I was so sad, with so many people I love sick and in pain, dying. My heart felt heavy and it felt as if Death were riding on our shoulders for such a long time. The older we get, we realize it happens more and more, and it never seems to get easier.

"I miss you a lot." I wrote to Jess. "We have so many beloved ones here who are making the journey home - walking the path of sickness where their precious bodies are no longer able to stay strong. Sweet Graciela [she is struggling with bone cancer], Torey's wife's mother. [His wife,] Gaby's strong, but her heart is taking a tumble. Rob's father Bob [he's 89 and fading like a beautiful flower, no memory, won't eat, sigh...]. Rob's strong too, but so short after his sister's passing, and yours, my sweet, is hard for him. And my special colleague and friend Amy [this beautiful sparkling, ever so nearly perfect, widely respected and beloved woman is struggling with pancreatic cancer - the shock of sickness in all of our beloveds is mind-blowing because we want sickness to be selective - to bypass those who are good and sweet and loving]."

I explained to Jess how sad we feel for the family members who love these people. I didn't write down how we hope against hope along these beautiful, painful journeys that by some miracle, healing will happen so they can stay with us here on Earth so we can continue to love them as we always have.

There are no miss-taken steps.
Jess was all there this night, and she had a lot to say.

"Don't be sad," she wrote. "Everything and everyone has their very own journey and as you know, there are no miss-taken steps. It all winds into the glorious tapestry that is the story of a life well lived. Celebrate. Mourn. Feel. And go on to live your very own journey. All is as it is. And all is okay."

When I told Jess how much I miss our conversations she wrote "I'm here now, Mamaaaa, and it's better this way. Trust that."

"Jess, I was mad at the gods the other day, for creating such a beautiful place - Earth, for doing this experiment with humans, for being too proud and standoffish and 'untouchable' to come and intervene. It seems too cruel to me that they could create such a magnificent playground and then watch while we trap and capture and kill and torture and do power trips that cost lives, beautiful, precious lives - what can you tell me about this?" Yes I was afraid lightning might strike me at any moment as I wrote this, but it's how I felt, so I forged ahead.

There is always guidance available.
"Well," she wrote, "we touched on this when we talked about each person's individual life adventure, the free will of humans and the choices they have along the way. I want to remind you that at every step there is wonderful, loving, wise guidance available but only if humans choose to connect with it, to listen."

"You know this Mamaaa, that each person has both spiritual and earthly guides/mentors, and they can choose to listen or not. It's not that they're removed from knowledge, it's always their choice." She's telling us that we can meditate to get in touch with our very own Celestial guides and angels, and we also have what I call "Earth angels," those people here, who love us no matter what.

Here comes a zinger.

"We, here, cannot step in and 'intervene' or meddle except in rare circumstances when we are holding the position of guardian and we know the timing is not right for an exit or a test. Those are the times we can catch a person in a fall or head off a collision or give them a warning dream, but even then they have choice. The life adventure belongs to humans."

The zinger for me there was that there are situations where intervention does happen. And there's an implication that Celestial beings have some knowledge of what our spiritual selves have chosen to experience and they're beside us as we do this.

I love the next part.

After Jess wrote that the life adventure belongs to humans she wrote, "It's like they all get in the boat together and they decide where and how to sail and what supplies to bring, knowing there may be storms - preparing for them - we don't do that for them. Humans know the world. Itself. It's other humans they don't know so well, with each one being different. And part of the adventure is to enjoy that. What would be the pleasure if every human were the same as every other? The beauty and joy is in the differences."

Well of course it makes sense that the Celestial beings wouldn't do our living for us. Simple. The answers are always so very simple but profound, to me.

I wasn't satisfied. I was still searching for understanding - especially in our political climate, and with so much of our beautiful world and its peoples in jeopardy, I had to keep asking.

What about violence and evil?
"Thank you my sweet," I wrote. "It is hard not to understand why there isn't intervention where violence and evil and hurt come in."

"That is the forgetting Mamaa," she wrote. "It is something that happens when people put their belief outside of themselves. When they give authority to those who prettily convince them they should. These people are in all levels and places of life - they have 'forgotten' the most."

"Is there some way we can help them to remember? Can we teach them somehow?" I asked.

Jess wrote "Usually they remember by experiencing. That which they deny others or withhold. Normally they do not learn by hearing about it, through words, and often their hearts can't connect through compassion, so they have to live the experience of what they're causing that is bringing harm. That is what gives rise to the idea of 'karma' though it isn't, quite, as widely perceived - karma just means what they cause, they will experience - but there are many things that happen that are not part of the seeming 'equation of opposites.'"

And the thought that was downloaded into my head/heart while writing this is very hard to capture, but it's telling me that karma isn't perceived correctly here - it isn't "an eye for an eye" and it doesn't mean that evil perpetuates evil unceasingly. There seems to be some element of free will in defusing it. I may be able to explain this better later, as we keep writing. It seems to be part of what Jess describes as stuff she can't share because we have no way of understanding it in our limited terms. One of the things I've always struggled with is the idea that karma seems to perpetuate evil, and she's trying to tell me that isn't so. I hope she'll go into more detail about it at some point.

So I asked her "Does 'karma' happen during that same lifetime? Where justice comes about, or learning?"

"No," she wrote, "time is of no consequence on spiritual levels - so it can take as long or short as necessary for the being to experience what they've put out." Hm.

Dealing with dark ones.

"Does karma work on positive levels too?" I asked her.

I love this part. "Oh yes!" she writes. "As I understand it, and my understanding is not complete, positive karma brings many rewards, not only on physical levels of Earth plane but also in the spiritual worlds - that is how we grow and gain new options and choices. If we want fun ones, we have the choice to keep to the positive, if we want dark ones we can stay in the forgetting zone."

So I ask "But how do we protect ourselves from those who choose the dark options?"

She writes, "We are safe and loved at all times Mamaa, we are never truly in any distress. We are whole, nothing and no one can change that. Earth is a playground."

"What if we don't want any dark ones to come around us?" I asked.

And here's the scary but comforting part. I don't know if I like it. As I was writing it I didn't want to be writing it.

"They will." she wrote. Great, I thought to myself. We are vulnerable and what are we supposed to do?

Well she told me.

"We can strengthen ourselves at all times by keeping love in our hearts - before, during, and after any episode or event with dark ones. Love heals. It fills us up. If we cross over during an episode or event with dark ones, we are completely healed on this side, if we don't cross over, we can turn to love to heal us while we are there."

She writes, "Love comes from within, from our guides and mentors both spiritual and Earthly, and from friends and sometimes family. Love can also come from Earth herself and her creatures. Elements of Earth - fire, water, air, earth, spirit. Remember Mamaaa? Love heals."

I don't understand why she included the four elements plus spirit - sometimes I don't understand everything she writes. Maybe it'll become clear later.

So I wrote to her "Thank you sweet Jess - this doesn't sound like you, when we just talk, though I really appreciate your answers -"

Because she has a sort of spunky way about her and this was a bit more sort of serious.

Here's a lovely zinger.

"I can tap into a collective of information from my teachers now, Momma, and I've been working hard to learn and re-member."

She wrote, "I had forgotten a lot, and though I wasn't 'dark,' I was a bit lost, or without my inner guidance when I was there. That is why I say you showed me a lot, taught me a lot, but Dad [biological father, Jeff], was more 'forgetful' than you and I picked up more of that from him. I was not a 'dark one' but I was a little farther away from the light than I like to be. So now, after my accelerated life, where I was reminded when in your care, surrounded by your love, I was finished learning about forgetting. I will seek to re-member first, next time so I can stay closer to the light. I like that a lot. I can still have fun, you taught me that. But I don't have to lose myself. Thank you Momma."

Another little zinger. Jess says that she will "seek to re-member first, next time," which I understand means that she will plan to seek connection to her resources in her next life as she grows. This implies spiritual planning before we come in, which I really like. So it seems that life is a bit of a mix of spiritual with physical and I'm learning the boundaries, which seem to flex according to various factors. Fascinating.

And as you can see if you click on the images to enlarge them and read the close of our letter, I tell her how much I love her and how proud I am of her.

A lot there to ponder. More about what she does in heaven, evidently she connects with her teachers and they somehow sort of channel info so it filters down. That's way cool. I like how things are explained. And always, always, after our letters, I like the feeling of peace that stays with me for a long time after we write.

If I were writing this myself, I would somehow make it so we are not vulnerable, so "dark ones" never come near us and never hurt us on any level. I am an idealist, and I LOVE my rose-colored glasses. However, that is not how "the adventure of life" seems to be here, but there are a few silver linings - 1) we are never alone during our trials, and 2) we cannot be harmed beyond the physical level, though that may include mental, physical, and/or emotional distress while we are here, which we can heal with love, and 3) we are advised to apply love to heal all areas of distress. So simple but also rather profound.

Thank you sweet Jess and Celestial teachers. I will ponder these things. One of the things I will ponder is how I define love. It is much, much bigger than I thought....

Update - the other thing I just realized is that she's saying "the forgetting causes the darkness," which implies that dark ones are only "human," - that they forget when they come to Earth plane. I like that one a LOT! It makes sense to me because if there's no threat to existence and no ownership in our Celestial world, there's not a darn thing to fight over. Yay!

Original painting by Arthur Rackham
So now we're all caught up on the latest letters. Thanks for reading along.



Monday, February 5, 2018

Surprise - What To Let Go Of When Our Beloved Dies

The Big Beautiful World
Some of the letters I write to Celestial Jess are embarrassing to share. I guess I feel embarrassed because my weakness shows. I don't like to let it show. But sometimes she teaches me things and makes me think differently, and I like to share that with you.

So I wrote to her in the night on January 2nd, relieved that we'd gotten through the third holiday season without her physical presence, but dreading the time period between New Year's Day and January 9th, because that's the day I was told about her death.

Click on the images to enlarge them if you'd like to read the whole letter.
I reminded myself in the days leading up to January 9th that I never have to relive that traumatic, devastating period again. I reminded myself of all that I've learned since then. And when I reached out to her, letting her know how much I miss her, she gently set me back on my pathway, as she often does.

"I miss you Pal," I wrote.

"I know Momma," she wrote back. "But I had to journey on - you know me. I learned what I needed to learn and you were a big part of that and I chose to move on." Interesting that she says she had a choice. Do we have a choice even after our body seems too sick to go on? If we choose to come back, does divine healing take place so we can continue? How do we recognize that healing? Do we only acknowledge healing as being without challenges?

When I told her that it seems backwards that I'm still here and she's there, she says, "I had an accelerated life Momma. I wanted to learn fast, and when I was done with it, I was done."

That phrase sticks in my mind - "an accelerated life." This is a new way for me to think of those who die young. It seems to imply some consent or arrangement before we come into Earthly incarnation. Hm.

She says, "You nursed me while I was weak, you showed me what is possible, these were some of the reasons we came together." Hm. I like that perhaps I was a part of the arrangements that may have taken place in our Celestial home even before we came to Earth. This is a fairly new way for me to consider our adventures together. Perhaps I can trust the process.

And, as she does fairly often, she sets me back onto my own pathway by reminding me that I am not done with my adventure here yet and she reminds me that she's with me always and I can happily stretch into who I am. She says, "Let it be as it is and KNOW that it is good." Know that it is good. We've heard that before, haven't we?

Live your life.

Here's where it starts to get interesting for me. She says, "Leaving the world is always heavy for those who love and are still there, but it doesn't need to be heavy at all when you understand your place in my journey - your role, your gifts, they don't have to be burdensome. Love with all your heart. Breathe lightly. See the beauty all around you and choose your battles to fight. Live your life. I am right beside you. Graduation is good. No matter how it comes about. Each exit has its sorrows and its blessings and beauty. Drop the responsibility Momma, and step forward into teaching and celebration of life itself. It's pretty cool. There is total balance on this side. Trust that."

Curious how she says I need to understand "my place" in her journey, my role, my gifts.... I'm not sure I've thought about it quite like that before. It's like she's saying we did this together and we each get to "keep" it. Forever. It happened. It is, was, and always will be. And there will be more of these types of journeys, together, if we choose. Hm.

When she writes about each exit having its sorrows and its blessings and beauty the thought that feels downloaded into my head/heart is that even when we are afraid of the trauma of a violent transition, one that seems forced, the one who transitions is not alone, and is surrounded by loving entities at all times. She talks more about that later on and I'll share that part too in the next post, which is at the same time scary, and also very comforting.

She praises me a lot, and I love when she does that. She used to do that on the phone too. And again, she reminds me to meditate. Some of my best lessons and paintings come from meditation. Such simple teachings, like lightbulbs going on.

When I ask her about the dream I find her response fascinating, since I truly didn't understand it and when I dreamed it, it felt cruel. I dreamed that she was right in front of me, dressed so finely I'd never seen anything like it. She was wearing a beaded necklace that was beaded right into the fine hairs of her body and I remember examining it in wonder. She was wearing a beautiful shimmery garment. She was very tall, somehow appearing as if she were standing above me. I touched her, put my hand right on her midriff, and the part that hurt was that she said nothing, she did not look at me, and I wanted so much for some kind of communication.

In asking her about this in our letter, I was reminded yet again that she communicates in different ways and if I don't understand I can always ask for clarification.

I asked her, "So Jess, what was that strange dream where we were so close, I saw beautiful you, but you said no words and I felt some sense of separation? What am I supposed to know from that?"

She says, "You are supposed to know that as beautiful as I am, you are you. And you need to follow through on your pathway."

I still thought it felt cruel of her to "ignore" me, and I wrote, "So why couldn't we just talk and communicate? Why the additional pain? Why not just relax into a fluid form of communication? Was that you?"

She wrote, "I was showing you that I am safe, well suited to my environment. I am on various levels. You must be somewhat more in your world but knowing I'm with you." I can feel that she gets a kick out of appearing in this gorgeous raiment, and explaining that she's "well-suited" to her environment. This makes her laugh xo My little minx.

I understand that when she says I must be "somewhat more in my world," she means I need to be with people doing what I do. I love to be in my studio doing artwork, drawing, painting, writing, and it can be somewhat jarring to be out in the world. But I do find that when I go out in the world I have the most wonderful exchanges with people. Truly delightful. She's nudging me to get out more so that I have more of these exchanges, where I learn from others, and I can give them some takeaways too. There is joy in these exchanges. So because of these nudges I'm making an effort to leave the wonderful seclusion of my studio and be out in the world. It is good.

So I asked the question we all are afraid to ask and we don't want to do it - "Do I need to let go?"

I was afraid of her answer. I was afraid of what she might say. And here came the zinger.

"Yes, let go of the Earthly stuff. The trauma. The attachment to the physical. Truly step right into our spiritual world breathing it all in and letting it glow in your heart. Really let go of the physical sometimes and afterwards ground yourself by going outside, feet on the earth, or with food. We are in relationship but it's all different now."

Wow. Yes, I'm supposed to let go, but not of her, just of my limited, "Earthly" definition of her. She's telling me that it's good to be in relationship, but I need to stretch into my spiritual self for that to happen. Her response surprised me. It is always interesting to be surprised by what your own hand is writing, especially when you feel afraid of it and it turns out to be just beautiful!

Little lessons....
I asked her another question and her response was interesting. While she was living with us as a teenager, she loved to decorate her room at Christmas with sparkly lights, and she had a little fake Christmas tree that she'd put up every year. It was something she picked up from a friend somewhere, and it was a little old and a bit of a "Charlie Brown" tree. She didn't take it with her when she moved to Portland, so after she left I put it up in my studio each year, in celebration of her.

This past holiday season, Rob and I were downtown and as we walked past Woodring's Florist I noticed a gorgeous little ceramic Christmas tree in the window. I had decided not to put up Jessie's Charlie Brown tree because it was so old and rickety last year it fell over twice, scattering its golden Mardi Gras garland, and smashing a few of the little Santa and snowmen ornaments. It felt traumatic at the time, as if something sacred were in jeopardy. So when I saw the little ceramic tree, I went into Woodring's and bought it. I thought it was just perfect for bringing freshness to our ways of "holding things sacred," perfect for stepping out of "the decline" and the past, and stepping into our "now."

New traditions....
I was delighted with this little tree, and enjoyed it very much in my studio for exactly one evening. Then the lights winked out right in front of me while I was standing there enjoying it, and they could not be relit. We tried putting in new batteries and that didn't work. I was so disappointed! I loved the tree because it is very small, smaller than most ceramic Christmas trees, and it fit right on the corner of one of the tables in my studio. I loved it because we bought it at Woodring's where, years ago, Rob had arranged for them to deliver flowers to my office every Monday for weeks when he was courting me. I did not WANT any other tree.

But unfortunately the little tree was put together in such a way that the internal bulb could not be accessed. The manufacturer had glued the base onto the ceramic tree in such a way that it couldn't be removed. It should've lasted 20 years. I should've taken it back, but I couldn't. I couldn't understand WHY this wonderful, healthy step into our new now had turned into a failure. Secretly, somewhere inside, I wanted Jess to fix the tree. I wanted it to miraculously wink back on and shine for the next 20 years.

So I asked Jess, "Why did my little tree break when it symbolized for me, our new relationship?"

"To test you and let you know your capabilities for making things the way you really want them to be."

"Geez though - okay," I wrote back, thinking good grief, it seems they never let up. The simplest things that we do to make ourselves feel better, to shore ourselves up, turn into tests and lessons. Yep. They do.

I spent time researching ceramic Christmas trees and found that many of them are made with plugs so you can just plug them into an outlet. I learned that you can buy just various parts. Light kits, bases, plugs, all kinds of things. So I talked with Rob, and he took our little tree down into the basement and used his Dremel tool to burn out the plastic bottom. It was a very delicate operation, since the ceramic could shatter at any time with the vibrations of the Dremel so close to it. But I reminded myself if I could live without my daughter's physical presence, I could certainly recover from a broken piece of pottery, so we took the risk. It did not shatter. Rob took his time and the bottom eventually popped right out. It was fascinating! The tiny tree had not been lit by a single white bulb internally, like most others - it was lit by several led lights that truly should've lasted for 20 years. One of them had the blackened interior that signaled its failure.

So now we had this beautiful little tree without a base or any way to attach internal parts. That's when I started to do some research. The first time I tried, before we'd taken it apart, the internet gave up no solutions. But several evenings later, after we'd taken it apart, and I again tried to research how to fix it, the internet provided a host of choices! Yay! So we measured and e-mailed an Etsy vendor and chose a base along with the smallest light kit and plug available, and when they arrived it took Rob no more than a half hour to put it all together. Ta da!! It worked and it's beautiful and it'll work for probably more than 20 years!

Darling little tree!
So that's the part in our letter where I say thank you to Jess for helping us find just what we needed. When I complained about the expense, my little $31 dollar tree now being valued at about $70 dollars, she replied, "You are well taken care of Momma, and you will always have what you need."

So I learned two very simple, but important lessons. Number One - If I want something a certain way, the Celestial bodies and entities are not going to come down and make that happen, though they can and do help me find my way, and Number Two - I have to take the initiative and act to bring things about that I desire.

I was so close to just returning the tree, but that isn't what I wanted. How many times in life do we give up? How many times do we curse the Heavens for not delivering? Well, with these two simple lessons I'm back on track.

Thank you sweet Jess for reminding me of my Earthly powers, to use them, and to invite you to be a part of them. It is a new relationship indeed.


Sunday, February 4, 2018

Some of What They Do In Heaven

My Lovies xoxo
Yes, we are still writing, my sweet Celestial daughter and I. I have to go back about three letters to catch you up, cause some of the stuff she shares with me builds upon previous stuff.

Of course, sweet Jess was much on my mind during the holidays, so I wrote to her on November 28, and I asked her "What is your world like where you are, my sweet Jess?" I didn't have any idea of what I'd get back, but as usual, it was a few cool zingers.

Here we go.

Click on the image to enlarge it if you'd like to read the letter.
She's not playing harps, though I'm sure if she wanted to, she could.

She says "Well, as I have described before, it is vast. We see with our hearts, not so much with our eyes. We can project an image of ourselves with eyes, but we are light. And vibration. We feel, we have emotion, but because there's never any threat, we pulse, we pump along with events here and the process is akin to music, sound, with colors."

So I get the feeling she's telling me there's a sense of community and belonging and zero threat to safety.

I ask her "What is the purpose of this activity?" - meaning the pulsing thing.

She says "We feel a sense of belonging, community, throbbing with the whole. It's like the ocean breathing. It is an elemental feeling, primal. It restores in us our sense of rhythm. Rhythm. Like a heartbeat, the Universe, what you call it down there, pulses and we can join that, like a dance."

Hm, imagine that. No curfew, no transportation issues, just jumping in and throbbing along with the Universe. I could go for that. Must feel pretty good.

So I said, "Wow, this sounds like it would feel very good sweet darling." And I told her (wrote her) about the time I was meditating and got to hear Celestial music, which is an experience like no other. When it happened to me, I felt the music, I heard the music, and yes, I was the music. It was as complex as our very best orchestras with levels all through it but way better than anything we have here.

I had worked on our book that day, the book I'm finishing up that I'm writing called Coming Alive After Death, so I thanked her for her help on it because as I've mentioned before, I do nothing all by myself. I have a host of Celestial helpers as well as Earth angels to work with, and I love it!

Our "conversation."
She says, in her very Jessie way, "Hey Momma, that's what it's all about. I'm more than happy to help with our book. It is the way of things for me to be placed just so, so I can be of use in its creation." Such a funny little statement. I appreciate her willingness to be present and still do what she does "up there."

I said to her, "I got the sense today that we agreed to do this part together too, well beyond our Earth years together."

And she answers, "You got it Momma. We did. Our adventure is just beginning. Interesting, isn't it. I just love to play with you and work with you on it."

And here's the thing. She's very much in her "Jessie form" in this letter, but as you'll see in the next couple of letters, she experiences growth where she is and becomes quite a bit more expanded. Discovering these things about her spiritual world is fascinating to be sure.

It reminds me to say out loud to myself, "She's good. She's busy. She's growing."

I know that in my limited Earthly capacity I can only understand a little bit of what she's experiencing and I appreciate all she can share.

So, okay, I'll take you into our second letter. It was Christmas Eve. I'd had 4 what I call "meltdowns" where I cried, missing her, and cuddled under blankets with my pups in-between doing the Christmas things we have to do, or at least I felt like I had to because we had Rob's kids visiting us this year, and the show must go on.

I did that all right, but late at night I curled up to write to her and this is our exchange:

Being holographic and setting me back on my feet.
Christmas Eve I told her, as I say often to the air, "I miss you pal," and she said, "Hi Mommaaaaa, I've been waiting for you." Wow that was so sweet to hear. She used to do that thing on the phone when she said Hi Mommaaaaa and drew it out, with her singsong voice - she still does that. I can hear it plain as day when we're writing.

She says, "I am well. Yes, I do see the things you are doing and I try to help where I can. I am always with you, even when I am doing other things, cause remember I am holographic like a diamond with its facets now, Momma." That's a zinger for me, to be reminded that she can be in several places at once, which is hard for our minds to comprehend, but I like it cause I never want to "interrupt her."

She encourages me on my journey, which continues, and says, "Don't be afraid of the otherworlds Momma, they are your friends in Spirit. You are connected." Well this is interesting in that I've had a number of new things come about this year that include the "otherworlds." I've met some wonderful new friends who are writers, like me, and they're also interested in working with me professionally, as I can offer editorial services. Well, the pleasure's all mine, as I read the first volume of a trilogy that one of these authors has published and discover it's all about the fairy worlds. She writes beautifully, and working with her will be pure pleasure. The other has a heartfelt memoir that also has the golden threads of beauty and truth flowing through it that we can all relate to and I'm over the moon to be working with these two peeps right now. So no, I have no fear at all of the otherworlds. In fact, I will be doing garbage pickup in the schoolyard soon as we can see the ground again because I know it pleases the fairies xo.

Then Jess talks with me about my little ego self meltdowns and she says, as I am for certain sure all of our Lovies do from their Celestial worlds, "Feel me near. Feel my peace, my joy, my serenity. I am basking in my true home. I'm in the presence of the greatest teachers and friends, loves, all knowledge. It feels so good Momma." This is so very comforting to hear.

Then I ask her "How do I love you during this season?"

How do I love thee?
And she says, "Remember who I was and what I did and what I was seeking, and know that you were a great part of that Momma. I want for nothing but I feel your love, and that lifts me up and fills my heart."

I tell her I send her light beams of love all the time and she lets me know she can feel it and then she goes completely into a sideways thing, telling me what she's recently experienced. I found it delightful.

"The greatest thing happened to me recently," she says. "I shall tell you. I was bathed in light and color and sound and I felt it all around me and within me and it was like a refreshing swim in a cold lake - where you know you are safe, and you are all filled up. And there was music. Like nothing you've ever heard. Imagine that for a moment Momma - to be experiencing that. It feels excellent!"

And I love to hear these things. I look forward to experiencing them myself when I get to be in my sweet pulsing light body.

She says, "Don't be sad, Momma. It's really all good. Truly."

And that is very sweet to hear and to carry with me. Thank you sweet Jess for sharing your Celestial experiences.

There's another letter after this, where she again sets me back into my journey with great encouragement, and the one after that I ask her a lot of hard questions. I'll post it soon.

Thank you Sparklepuff for sharing with us all! I love you forever and a day,
Momma xoxo

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Spirit-Self Studying the Book of Sacred Law

Quite the challenge I've set for myself, just listen Jen....
There isn't much I do as one would expect. I've pretty much always been that way, and this year's Call for Entries for one of the exhibits at the Bellefonte Art Museum in January is, wait for it...yes, a self-portrait.

NO, I'm not going to sit in front of a mirror or look at a photo of myself and reproduce it. Of course not! THAT'S not who I am.

The description in the Call for Entries said the exhibit celebrates the museum's 10-year anniversary - and it's our opportunity to let the community know "who we are." Well, I ran with that.

I am a spirit-being-human. I'm an artist. I love using my imagination. I base all my decisions on what I know as "Cosmic Law," or "Universal Law," which is much more beautiful and life-sustaining than contemporary societal laws and regulations.

So with this self-portrait I'm making a little statement about who I am. Hope they let me enter the show even though it's not exactly a predictable piece. It might stick out like a sore thumb among the talented artists who are capable of amazing realism. I don't know if that's what they're looking for, but this is my reality, lol.

You can click on the images to enlarge them.

Awareness of both negative AND positive space
are essential to doing Celtic knotwork.
What a challenge I've set myself! One of the things I'm determined to teach myself is how to draw Celtic knotwork. Lord, I've tried this so many times over the years and it's 'effin MIND-BOGGLING. Yes there are all kinds of computer applications that will draw it for you, but I want to teach my mind and hands to do it. It takes a lot of work and a lot of hours and some long-term staring.

This is the work you don't see behind the scenes.
I didn't include any of the language I expressed while working this out. You're welcome.


What I discovered is that while staring, and sort of thinking, but really not because too much thinking does get in the way of the stream that happens with doing artwork - what I discovered is that I just need to step out of my way and listen. When I started doing that (people think we're just staring or thinking, but I see this as the time I'm listening and getting guidance about what to do next and how) I realized I'd have a whole lot more luck figuring this out if I focused on negative space (which has always been one of my artistic weaknesses).

So the first thing I did this afternoon, after her skirt, was outline the negative spaces in the pencil drawing of the Celtic border with ink. I'll figure out where the overlaps and underlaps are later. Can't deal with that yet.

My little helpers.
These are the rough guidelines I made just to get the general pattern down. I wish I could use a different color on the actual watercolor paper because to do this pattern you actually need three lines. The inside (red) is the pattern itself, the "flow" of the knotwork, and when drawing it I have to outline it on both sides, so I have three lines, which is where I get boggled. I'll continue to work with it. Am sure I'm learning a lot about Celtic knotwork as I start to make friends with it.

I do like her lovely feet with little feathers on them. She can fly if she wants to. And her skirt was very relaxing to do, though I won't know til I start to paint it whether it's made of feathers or leaves. She's keeping that a secret til the colors start to happen.
Past, Present, Future
I like her choice of reading matter. This is the page in the Sacred Book of Law that teaches us that the Past is our teacher, the Present is our creation, and the Future is our inspiration. A theme I like to work with. I did three paintings on it, which hang, beautifully framed, in the home of my son and his wife : )

When I stopped at about 5 this evening, I went into the kitchen and felt so relieved to see a few dishes waiting to be washed and dinner waiting to be made, and plants needing to be watered. Ah, set aside the work/play, and pour a glass of wine and dream of what we can do tomorrow.... Contrary to what you might think, I can't drink when I'm working because it takes a lot of focus and concentration, but afterwards, heck yeah!

Wish me luck! I have hours more of staring and drawing and many hours of staring and painting, then will take it to be framed. Hopefully will be all done in a couple of weeks.

Time well-spent. Such a pleasure. The colors, I think will be lots of fun to do. They are already starting to play in my mind.

Update - here she is all done! Ta da!

The whole image.
Just Herself.
How'd I do with that Celtic knotwork?
My physical Self struggling with life in the real world.
All framed : ) My husband still has his gloves on -
we delivered it to the museum on a very cold day, brrrr.

This one will be for sale, but the price will be high because there's so much work in it. And it has to be worthwhile to sell. I don't mind having it on the wall in my home ; )

Happy Thursday!


Friday, November 10, 2017

Letters and New Zinger Teaching from Celestial Jess xo

I think it's gorgeous Momma.
While my sweet daughter, Jess, was home healing, we sat on the little leather couch in my studio and I said to her, "I bought that turquoise candle holder thinking of you, because you like turquoise and teal colors. Do you like it?" And she said, "I think it's just gorgeous, Momma."

And every night after she passed, I would light it to send up good loving vibes from our hearts.

And when I write to her, and invite her to write to me, I light it. So that explains the picture. By the way, you can click on the photos to enlarge them so you can read her letter.

And now I'd like to share with you some "zinger teaching" she sends to me in her letters. I light her candle, put on soft music, and pull out our special journal, never knowing whether we'll connect or what she'll say. But I'm usually pleasantly surprised.

Our letter of September 24, 2017
I had inherited her beloved "Self Care"cards, which are similar to tarot cards but suggest areas for personal attention rather than self-direction, and when I opened the box there was a long, long, hair in there, which belonged to her. It was all sparkly with her red and gold highlights. I tied some love knots in it and set it free out by our peach tree, imagining that a beautiful bird might pick it up and weave it into her nest....

My light and love are always with you.
Jess is telling me that she loves where she is and I can trust that and "leave the rest to her." I go into a bit of how I wish I could have been more helpful, and she soothes me.

If we had all the answers....
I love how she talks about having all the answers and says that if we did have them there'd be no point in the adventure of living itself. "We are whole here," she says, "but on the earth plane we are not whole, we come with part of ourselves and parts awaken as we experience things. Emotion brings us awakening, both positive and negative. When we are happy we feel to do more of that. When we are sad we feel to head in other directions or to teach. To give others a hand up out of sadness or distress."

Then she says, "There is no failure Momma. There is no success. There is only experience and what it brings to the individual. And what we each decide to do with that knowledge. We are all okay. We are better than okay. We are eternally safe in ways you cannot know or imagine."

Rest your heart.
Very often in her teachings now, she says, "That is the way." I like that. "I am so big Momma, and so is each individual, don't worry about those things. Help when you are called if you want to, but control is not in any individual's hands. Only action that springs from the heart they embody. Each does their best according to their realization. That is the adventure."

Why must we suffer so?
I asked her "Must we live through hard times to reveal and discover love and safety?"

And she says, "Well, each person lives what teaches them best."

And when I ask, "Why must we suffer so?" she says, "We can and do express beauty and love Momma through all our adventures if that is what we're made of at the heart of the matter. Good and bad don't make a difference to the essential self. 'Seeing,' 'knowing,' the essential self, that's where the beauty lies."

"Do what makes your heart absolutely sing, all else will follow. That is the way."

Thank you my sweet big spirit beloved girl child for sharing your wisdom.