Saturday, July 7, 2018

Why Am I Not Angry at God for Taking My Child?

Jess, Herself
I have had a rather horrendous life, in-between the victories and the hope and the beauty and the joy, and yet, it occurs to me that I am not angry at God, though I don't call that force of loving energy God, I call it my Creative Source of Love, the source from which I spring, the source from which we all spring.

I only got angry once, when I watched my daughter, who was sick and dying, get "teased" by a healthy, vibrant friend at the airport when that beautiful young, strong, healthy woman breezed in, noticed Jess sitting there waiting for us to get the luggage, and said, "Oh Jess! How ARE you? It's so nice to see you! We need to get together. I'm getting married! Maybe you can even come to my wedding!"

The young woman went off to collect her suitcases, but before she left, my beloved Jess, who had spent most of her time in a wheelchair through the journey from her home in Portland, Oregon, to State College, Pennsylvania, was the epitome of Grace itself, as she replied, "Yes, it's so good to see you. We should get together."

The girl knew nothing of Jess's struggles with her ailing body. Jess didn't elaborate on her condition. Not a muscle in her face twitched. She radiated p e a c e. And yet, she had no future, no impending marriage, no children, no work, no driving, no eating, no peaceful sleeping, no anything but pain since her sweet body was in major sickness and decline.

That time, I did curse the Heavens. I cursed the gods. I cursed cursed cursed for my daughter's helplessness and the ill-timed appearance of the vibrant, healthy, young woman who epitomized what Jess was not, and would never be, though we didn't know that at the time. We were smack in the middle of trying to help her heal. Bringing on six more doctors and tests and treatments and medicines and everything we could possibly do to help her regain her own vibrancy.

Yes, that time I cursed the gods for flaunting perfect health and vibrancy in the face of my beautiful, shattered daughter. It was cruel.

But, that was the only time. Through all the sickness, doc appointments, disappointments, medicines that worked, medicines that stopped working, physical therapy that worked, PT that stopped working, seizures, and death, I did not become angry at "God."


Because I learned that "God," or as I call it, our Creative Source, is a part of EVERYTHING. This force of energy does not oversee us as a "Father figure," protecting us, OR "taking us away" from our beloveds when it's time for us to die.

This force simply exists. It IS. And we are PART of it. We are MADE of it. It works THROUGH us. Not upon us, not at us, not for or against us, THROUGH us as we live, AND as we die.

So as Jess sat there responding to what I perceived as unutterably cruel, she was totally connected and being her most true, high Self, absolutely imbued with Grace. Peace. Gentleness. Certainty. Beauty. LOVE. Wow.

And as she went through the ups and downs of her illness that led to her death I also went through major ups and downs. My heart was either right in my throat or down in my feet somewhere, depending on what we were going through. Her heart was shining. Glowing. Giving.

She said to me one day, "Mom, come and look in the bathroom at the floor." And she moved the rug back and swiped her toes over a bunch of little cracks that make a picture. "Doesn't that mark look just like Joey Max?!" she said. "Why, yes it does!" I agreed. And we both laughed. (Joey Max is our beloved kitty, who spent every single day and night with Jess while she was here. Jess loved kitties and they loved her right back.) This, she did while she was so sick and so weak, and when I look back at all the kinds of things she did like that, I am reminded of such grace and love through this process of her death where she was giving, giving, giving, to fill me up for the time when we would feel the separation. Sweet child. I wonder if she knows how much treasure she bestowed upon me during the time she was here with us. I think very much so, yes.

Looks just like our kitty, Joey Max xo
And if we look very closely and pay attention to our beloveds as they prepare to exit this planet and go to our Celestial Home, if we're lucky, we become aware of many lovely gifts and assurances along the way.

I am not angry at "God," because I have learned that "God" is very much a part of all that happens during our lives as well as during our departures. It is that force of Love and Energy that radiates out from those who are exiting, however long that takes, as long as they are not afraid, and it is that force that brings them into healing and wholeness after their Earth adventures are over.

It is the force that allows us to reconnect with our beloveds once our hearts and minds have settled, once they have reoriented themselves to the place where we come from, where we belong, the loving place of our origin. All of us!

It is that force that reminds us that we have birth here, on beautiful Earth, and we have death here, but Life itself is ongoing, infinite, regenerating, rejuvenating, and totally based in Love.

I am not angry with "God," because I didn't expect "God" to save her. I expected God to LOVE her. To hold her in the dearest arms of love and to surround her with it. And that is most definitely what happened.

I do not measure her life by the length of it, or by potential "milestones," such as marriage or having children. I measure it by the living she did. And she lived with all of herself.

And I do not "measure" God by the number of days she lived here, or whether they were good or bad or easy or hard. The only "measure" of that force I can perceive, in relation to Jess, is the immeasurable absolute joy or poignancy that came pouring directly out of her, depending on the circumstances she dealt with.

I have recently framed a couple of gorgeous photos she took while she was here, while she was strong, while she was being her photographer Self. And they are most beautiful and make my heart sing when I look at them. I see the world through her beautiful eyes and heart. Thank you sweet Jess. For your living. And your being you. Excellent job babe! xo

Jess's photo of Mt. Hood in Oregon with the moon overhead,
and the poem called Someday a Mountain.
I just love it.
Jess's photo of a gorgeous green twirl of leaves; Life.
I just love that too.
The "Workout Room," the "Life Room"

So this is the room she slept in while she was here healing. I sold the beds and we put all our workout equipment in there. It is now a place of life, a place to come and restore our tired bodies, to listen to beautiful music and stretch out, sometimes meditate, and sometimes dance. I love that her photos grace the walls to remind us of the love and life that we shared here, and that we continue to share, just in different ways.

Yes, we will keep on dancing....

I gave Jess that little dancing doll and she kept it on the wall next to her kitchen. Now it hangs in the workout room by the door. Each time I leave, I pull the string xo


Monday, May 28, 2018

Fear of Meditation - Read this.

My drawing of me in my happy place xo © 2004 Jen Berghage
Click on the images if you wish to see them larger.
Meditation - the ability to "go within" and communicate with the very highest sources of guidance and love belongs to all of us and each of us. It is a Celestial Gift that each of us is born with.

There is nothing to fear. But many people do have fear, as a result of other people telling them it is not safe, it is not real, it is not allowed, and it is not good.

That's a bunch of hooey and a powerplay by greedypeeps.

Why do we believe these people? They're people, no more authorized than we are to tell others what is good, what is allowed, what is real, and what is safe. Your authority resides within you. Period. Be aware of who and what put it there, and if it is chosen by your heart and mind, fine; if you have yet to question its origin, go ahead and do that. Lightning will not strike you, and you might find some interesting answers.

Question anyone who advises you against using your very own Celestial Gifts. These are gifts from Heaven, from your Creator, from God, whatever you call that Source of Love. They're free. They're simple, oh so simple. And they rain upon you so much love you wouldn't believe it. That love can stick with you for hours, for days and days and days, until you do it again. 

Meditate. It's incredibly empowering.

Here is my most recent experience. OMG - definitely feelin' the love.

So I belong to this grief group called Grief Resilience on Facebook. It's facilitated by Sheaya Biddle, a young woman whose mother died, which sent Sheaya into the expected tailspin, but something in her heart wanted to live regardless of the pain of this death. She became aware of a sort of fork in the road of grief recovery where she could choose between spinning out for the rest of her life in sadness and despair, or reaching for the light. And in reaching for the light, she started to share, and in sharing, she has given light and life to so many others. Part of what she does is bring outside speakers into the circle of members in this group of people grieving the passing of their beloveds, and these speakers who have also experienced deep grief have also made the choice to reach for the light, and in this way they are also becoming facilitators and teachers, mentors and friends, beloveds.

So one of these people is named Matt Berrier. He has mourned deeply the passing of his daughter, and he has made the choice to reach for the light and to share what has brought him peace as well as Celestial connection along the way. He shares 15 tools for everyday use, and one of these powerful tools is meditation, which he guides for those who are not used to it, and for those who enjoy a "guided trip."

I joined in on one of his guided meditations this weekend - a short 20 minutes that packs a wallop of love that envelopes me and lasts for hours and hours - just puts me totally into serenity. No panic, no sadness, no regret, no guilt, no missing, just LOVE.

I would like to share with you the mystery and magic of this particular meditation as it was for me, though each individual experience will vary, but from the comments in the feedback during the open session I can say it was all most positive. If you'd like to try out some of his guided meditations you can reach him at ON - Multi Dimensional Activation at  This group is for those who are tired of the "status quo" and for seekers wishing to hasten their own awakening. It is not just "off the wall," but "over the wall." I am totally over that 'effin brick wall. Not over grief, but definitely over the stoppage of that brick wall....

I am not a novice to meditation, have been doing it for 20 years off and on. I LOVE each and every time I do it because I am shown profound things that help me to continue to function effectively in this "everyday" world on Earth. Meditation deals with the "inner" worlds, and those are unique to each individual, but nonetheless, very beautiful and quite profound, though not complex. Meditation is one of the ways our higher sources use to connect with us, guide us, and let us feel what real love feels like. Wow, it feels so good.

The interesting thing about my 20 minutes with Matt was that during the meditation, each thing happened before he said the words out loud to introduce guidance on what we could visualize. This to me, indicates that my inner participants don't function in a linear time; time to them, is simultaneous, so they "know" what he is going to say even before he says it. This is an indication that what is happening in my inner experience is very real. It confirms that they're really with me and aware of every step in my journey whether it's an inner journey or an "Earth" journey or experience. Hallelujah!

He started by having us go to our favorite place in nature (in our minds), and I have one that's very familiar. Have been going there for years, and actually did a beautiful drawing of it at one point. It's a forest area, right next to a tiny stream of clear water. It's where I go lots of times. 

Sister trees and pathway going along to the left of them
that I didn't know was there till this meditation.
Until this meditation I didn't know I could follow that stream to a pathway that opens for miles, and leads to a beautiful mountain. But that is what happened during his guidance. As my feet began to follow this path in the beautiful sunlight of the day, my daughter came to join me and she ran up and took hold of my hand like we'd just seen each other yesterday. She was fit, happy as a clam, and giggly. Dressed in a long flowy skirt and bright red blouse with her hair in two long braids. She was so clear and happy - not sick, not sad, not anything but happy. At first I was not expecting her since I didn't call her or ask her to visit me. But we took hold of each others' hands like we do it every day, and we just might, now that I know we can.

Then my Lynx appeared. He is my totem animal and has been for years ever since I did a card reading and that animal card jumped right out of the deck when I asked to know my own totem animal. Lynx is always there when I imagine him - whether I'm in a dangerous or fearful "life" situation like a doctor's office, or whether I'm exploring in meditation - Lynx is there just radiating strength, confidence, love, and abiding loyalty. So Jess and I and Lynx are walking up this beautiful trail leading to a gorgeous mountain.

Then Grandfather comes and takes my left hand. He is my Earth guide. He helps me when I encounter difficult people, obstacles in Earth life, etc. and he ensures that no wayward spirits can come into my zone uninvited in my inner life. He is loyal as the day is long - I trust him with my soul, and he is wise and worthy of my trust. He loves me unconditionally and I love him without reservation. To have a guide like this is like water to a person coming off the desert. It is so beautiful. He has been with me for many lifetimes. 

So now I'm walking up to the beautiful mountain with my spirit daughter holding my right hand, my Grandfather holding my left hand, and Lynx right beside me. The wind is blowing softly over me and through me, taking all my cares along with it. It feels like pure cleansing. I am dressed in very soft fabric, forest green, but cannot see the whole of it because I can feel myself but I'm sort of "in" myself so can't see the whole of me from outside. I can feel it though, and it feels GOOD. 

I am aware that my Earth father who has died is joining us and I don't want him to hold my hand, but I don't want him to walk behind us so he starts walking a bit ahead of us, jovially. He's happy to be with us. 

We climb the mountain and along the way we pass a huge, strong, magnificent waterfall to our left. Gorgeous water tumbling over beautiful smooth boulders. We can hear it, smell it, feel its spray upon our faces. We keep going. 

We can hear birds. A mountain lion watches our passing. A bear watches our passing. A bee flutters around us, (these are Matt's totem animals) and a hawk soars above us. The forest is alive with loving creatures. The earth feels soft under my feet. 

We reach the top and I see a fire ring. It is made of stones and the ring itself is bigger than any I have ever seen before. It must be 12 feet across, and there's a beautiful bonfire burning. The ring is surrounded by seating made of logs and big boulder-like benches. There are people sitting on almost all of them - they have been awaiting our arrival. We go and sit down. 

I feel welcomed like I've never been welcomed at a party before. It's like a homecoming of sorts. We are so glad to see you. Welcome, welcome, many hugs. 

With all of us sitting in this circle around the fire there is no sound of talking because all communication is telepathic. We sort of just feel it. A beam of love goes up simultaneously from all of us and it goes way up into the stars in the night sky above. It beams for miles and miles. And we can feel love beaming back to us from it. We just do this communion thing for a while. 

Then it is time to go back down the mountain. To leave my beloveds. I feel some reluctance but find that my daughter again takes my hand, and Grandfather, and Lynx pads along next to us as we go down the trail. All of my beloveds (wow there are many more than I knew of) follow behind us. 

As we near the bottom of the mountain and Matt starts to signal the awakening of my Earthly body, or the grounding in this "reality" I should say, my beloveds hug me, first my daughter, "I am always with you Momma," she says, then Grandfather, "I am with you," he says, and all the beloveds behind us say "we are with you, always and all ways." 

I am beloved. And I know it. Thank you my kindred spirits.

Under the moon and the pines, by the water, with the fire, barefoot,
and the wind is singing through the trees. I am beloved.
That is what meditation can look like, and I can find no words to describe the love that comes along with it other than to say that when you feel this kind of love you have touched what is really real, and it stays with you for a long, long time. You carry it with you while you're doing your regular day. It gives these tasks a lot of light, much serenity and satisfaction in accomplishing them, whatever they are.

Don't be afraid to meditate. It is the language of the soul. 

If you'd like guidance, and guided meditations by really good practitioners are excellent, get in touch with Matt. If any practitioner introduces fear into the process blow them a kiss goodbye and walk the other way. Anyone tying you to them through fear is not in any way connected to the otherworlds in ways that will help you to grow.

Thank you for sharing in my wonderful meditational experience. Many blessings to you as you explore your own!


Friday, April 27, 2018

My Favorite Thing

This is my favorite thing right now.
Did you ever see such a thing? No, I hadn't either, when I came upon this little bird wearing a huge crown, in the clock store in Millheim. It so delighted me that I kept coming back to it, and not only did I buy one for myself; I also bought one for a good friend.


Because it brings to mind the saying "only the meek shall inherit the Earth," - and though I don't subscribe to any religion, being quite spiritually based, I do carry in my heart some of the golden threads that weave through all the religions.

This little bird delights me because it does not know it's wearing a crown. It is a "common" bird, and doesn't even know it's royalty. It walks softly upon the earth, taking only what is needed, and sings the trees awake in spring, and me awake in the morning. It has lots and lots of friends.

It has no ego. And that is the very reason why it is crowned and can wear the crown gracefully, absolutely born to it.

It knows nothing of power. Only of belonging. Sharing. Flying high into the sky, into the forest and among the sun dappled branches of the trees. It mates for life.

It is royalty itself. So humble and so beautiful!  So I brought it home simply because it delights me to think of these things.

I have a fairly big desk and I like to put things on it that inspire me. So this is where my little sparrow lives, among candles and tiny oil lamps and a Cirque du Soleil doll who is standing on a golden ball. Cirque employs the biggest of the best human beings on this planet, and I just love their shows. The music is always excellent and the things they can do with their bodies are just jaw-droppingly amazing. Plus the organization itself does marvelous things for the planet and the well-being of the people. Best show on Earth besides Brazilian Rhapsody.

I think it's fun to figure out why I buy some things, especially in this era of not glomming up the planet with junk. I love to support artists, and I do not know who designed this little bird, but I wish them a good day every day for the joy they've brought me.

My little, humble, royal sparrow. The thing I love best is he has no idea how truly great he is. Nice.


Monday, April 16, 2018

Sure Signs From Heaven

Jess and me together xo
I've been doing a lot of research and work to finish my book, our book, Coming Alive After Death and sweet Jess has been very close. Not only because of this research and work, but also because it is our birthday month. I'm April 5th and her Earth birthday was April 29th. So she comes close to me during this time of year, and it's absolutely delightful.

Yes, I found a dime, and a penny, yes, I've had birds doing all kinds of things, like for example, right on my birthday I was home alone while my husband was at work, and as I walked through my kitchen I looked out the window. I saw two beautiful doves and not only were they cooing their lovely coos, but they were flirting with each other, doing the major mating dance. I stood stock still in my kitchen watching birth happen, wow!

Yes, beautiful spring has arrived with its rains and winds and birds making love. The doves puffed themselves up and the female spread her wings out and turned her back on the male, who promptly fluffed his chest feathers up and danced all around her, pecking at his chest to make it fluff out even more.

Downloaded from
Finally he mounted her and they made little baby doves fresh from Heaven which will arrive in just a few weeks! Now it's nest building time. I felt that Jess had guided me to be in just the right place and time to witness this beautiful event for my birthday present this year, and how can you beat that? Baby doves coming! Baby doves coming! Yay!

Well right up next to it is a dozen long-stemmed, fat, fluffy, fragrant red roses from my son and his wife, that I sniffed several times every day for all the days they were happy being with us. Gorgeous roses! Gorgeous doves!

Beautiful roses from my son and his wife xoxo
But that is not all of the story about signs from Heaven and love. Rob and I went out to our car to run some errands on this day, and we had the most delightful, mysterious experience. We each have key fobs that have buttons on them to open the door locks, to open the trunk of the car, and to set off an alarm. He punched the button to unlock the doors. What happened was that not only did the doors unlock, but as we opened them and climbed inside the car, all the windows went down about half an inch, AND the sunroof opened about half an inch too!

There's no way to control the windows from the key fob, and certainly no way to open the sun roof except for the button up near the top of the windshield once you're inside the car. But all these opened on this day while we had our hands on the front doors of the car and were just climbing in. It was like sweet Jess was saying, "I'm with you and I'm all in. Let's go!"

Rob and I looked at each other, he had a funny smile on his face and was feeling sort of puzzled and I just said "Hi sweet Jess!" and felt totally delighted. I know that because of their higher vibration, spirits can play with electricity rather easily, and it's one of the signs they use to let us know they're well and happy and with us in happiness, love, and light.

Yes, our Lovies do send us signs that they're well and happy and very much with us and they want us to be happy too.

She's also popped several light bulbs this week. Stock up on lightbulbs, peeps who have Lovies in Heaven!


Saturday, April 7, 2018

What does your Celestial child say to you on your birthday?

Making a wish, which I think will come true xo
Jess and I shared the same birthday month. Mine is April 5th, yes I'm an Aries all the way, and hers was April 29th, a Taurus all the way. The first year after she died I had zero interest in celebrating anything, much less my birthday. My family was kind and gave me gifts and phone calls, but I was totally out of it emotionally, mostly still in shock and trauma. The second year I was deeply grieving and searching for ways to try to celebrate life but still under the darkness of death.

Now we're into the beginning of the fourth year, and I feel a connection with Jess which brings great relief, love, a feeling of non-separation which feels good. I didn't really work hard to find this, mostly it found me, and I'm totally open to it because it brings beautiful laughter, joy, peace, and that sense that all is well.

I still miss her, especially this month, because it is not only my birthday month, but hers, and I used to love sending her presents, talking with her on the phone, and just our physical connections. So of course it is natural that I would write to her in our special journal. 

Our special journal #2, cover design by Stephanie Law
I never know what I'm going to get when I decide to connect with Jess, and tonight I wasn't sure if she'd have any interest or anything to say. But as always, I was so pleasantly surprised. What a gift.

As always, if you'd like to read the letter, click on the images to enlarge them.
I lit a tealight candle in the special turquoise mosaic holder that Jess knows is hers. I turned down the lights. I put the man and pups to bed, fed the cat, and poured a glass of iced wine. Sat down and said my prayer of blessings and protection, then started drawing the little spirals Desiree taught me to do to calm myself. The technical explanation of what these drawings do is that they quiet the mind so that when you're focused on drawing (anything simple - doodles), your mind becomes able to receive messages from your Lovies who've passed on to higher vibrational worlds. They can't get through if your mind is a boggle of thoughts or grieving, so the drawing, like music, dancing, or sleep puts you into a receptive mode.

I could already hear her talking to me in the kitchen while I was getting the ice, which I'd done for us while she was here in life. She was saying she was aware and all there for my birthday and I felt her love and excitement for me. I'd been feeling her close for a few days - found a penny heads up - and you know they send you pennies from Heaven. I have a whole collection just from her. 

I told her thank you for the beautiful butterfly cloud she sent and she acknowledged that yes, she had sent it to me and that clouds are easy for spirits to send messages through. She was glad I had gone outside at that time so I could see it. I was too! It is meaningful for us, the butterfly, because when she was sick and I was taking care of her I helped her with her showers. After she died, I redid the bathroom and put up a new shower curtain that is covered with beautiful butterflies, to represent her metamorphosis into her new/ancient Self. The butterflies represented her Celestial birth. So she knows that butterflies are special between us, and that is how I knew the cloud was from her.

Heck of a lovely butterfly, eh?
What's really interesting about the butterfly photo is that it had been a cloudy sort of day and we just got a little bit of golden sunshine right at sunset. If you've read my earlier posts, you know that's a meaningful time of day for Jess and me. So when I went outside I was drawn by that little bit of sun and wanted to soak it up, and when I aimed my camera I thought I was focusing on the tips of my favorite trees. While I saw the clouds the thought in my mind was that it was curious there were two such different types - the fluffy spreading out ones (butterfly wings) and the heavy, dense slash (butterfly body). I didn't have any idea of what photos I would choose to go with this letter, but I figured since it was about my birthday I'd look in that folder of the pics I took on that day. When I look through photos to choose some for the blog, I generally select all the photos and open them so I can see all the images larger, one by one. It was then that I suddenly noticed the clear as a bell butterfly shape, and realized it was her gift to me. It even has a bit of rainbow color from the setting sun. Happy birthday Momma!

I wrote to her about some of the things she'd given me over the years, which bring me joy, and she said she tried to choose carefully so that they would bring me happiness, which of course, they do. And I mentioned to her that I missed the texts and conversations we'd had on the phone, because I lost them when I got my new phone, which, at the time felt devastating. So she says to me, "Well Momma, all our texts and conversations exist in eternity and if you want to experience them again you just need to re-member."

Ripples of Loooooove
She says "They are singing with love as they always have." I said "Thank you for that reminder - I sure did enjoy them." And she says, "Me too Momma." Then she drew me a little picture of hearts radiating and said, "That's our love radiating out throughout worlds Momma! Isn't it pretty?!"

 "Yes, it sure is gorgeous," I said. So she says "That's what everyone can do, make love ripples that go out and keep going and going. It's like food for people's souls." So sweet. So I said, "Oh I love that! Probably why I enjoy lots of the magical Facebook posts I encounter and love to share, food for the soul." 

"Yes, Momma, you are just learning how to turn to that for nourishment - to choose what makes you happy and it's very good for you, like medicine. Keep doing that lots more." 

"Don't fear anything. Just bask in the light. All is as it should be," she says.

Build anything you want!
So I tell her about some physical challenges I'm facing and she says, "Momma, you can build anything you want to, you just have to have the true desire to see it come to fruition. You will choose what you wish to experience. Trust that."

I told her I thought that was a loaded statement. She said, "Yeah, how about that - power! Just let your heart and mind see and feel the possibilities - there are a lot of them. You're running your show - even though most people don't really know that about themselves." 

She was in a very encouraging mode, which is pretty much how she always is from the Celestial worlds, and she said "Yes, celebrate Momma, we had a good time, and it will always be. Be happy. Truly, deeply happy. It is such a good feeling to be filled up by the love we have." And she drew me a bunch of little hearts and the feeling that I get when looking at them is somewhat of the flutter of butterflies and somewhat of their emanating across whole expanses of space and time.

Spiritual practice!

We are not taught to practice our spiritual capacities. But in learning to do this, I've experienced amazing results. From bending spoons to having spiritual conversations with those I've had difficulties with smooth out like silk. She encourages me to flex my spiritual muscles more. And it's so cute cause she's so in "Jessie" mode. "RRRrrrr," she says. That's so Jess. "It's excellent for you, and others too," she says. "You are on your pathway, doesn't it feel good, Momma?" 

Yes. It does. Not that I haven't always been on my spiritual pathway. Everything I've ever experienced has helped me become who I am, so my feet have not been too far astray. But she's talking about doing this consciously. Directing it. Receiving guidance. Welcoming and embracing that through meditation and personal connection. That makes life "conscious." And it makes a big difference in both happiness and results.

"Use it." she says. Oh I am! "Follow the happies Momma. That is the way. It will take you to the places of your heart," she says. 


The cutest thing of all xo
And the cutest thing of all that she said tonight was "I am right here Momma. Touch your finger to your heart, that's my doorbell."

Yeah, I know. Adorables. 

"Welp, happy birthday Momma, and many more as you wish. I am with you, loving you and celebrating you." 

Thank you sweet Sparklepuff for your connection. You are most precious! And I love you forever and a day.


Thursday, March 29, 2018

Bending Spoons, Being ONE

Yep, we can do this.
So I am reading an author that I have loved for a number of years, Martha Beck. I first fell in love with her when I read Expecting Adam, the beautiful book she wrote that launched her career. She was a student at Harvard and she became pregnant. The doctors could tell from tests that her baby would be born with Down Syndrome. Many of her professors told her to abort the child. She could not. Many magical things began to happen to Martha while Adam grew in her womb.

They continued after he was born. Adam brought many gifts. I am so, so glad Martha listened to her heart and not those professors. And I am certain she is also glad. And beautiful Adam too.

Her career blossomed as a result of that first book, and over the years she became one of the most respected "life coaches" of today, though that was not her original "Plan A" for life. Her methods of teaching get us to think, or actually maybe a better way to put it might be not to think, but to feel, to intuit, to connect with the whole, to allow ourselves to be part of the magnificent force of energy we know as the Creator of Life, Love itself; they invite us to partake of gifts that are inherent to our simply being born here in this very special place and time. She introduces us to these gifts that have mostly been hidden from us for many centuries, especially in the Western world.

In her book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, she has many off-the-wall exercises we can practice, such as spoon-bending. Yes, just like those strange people we sometimes see on television or YouTube - those who can bend metal with their minds and very little else.

She has studied many things, which include physics and the sciences. She blends her scientific knowledge with spirituality and takes it all many steps further. She encourages us to do the same.

So in the course of reading this book and doing the exercises I came to the one where she teaches that we are all connected and we are all energy. Matter is made of energy, thus also connected and part of us. One of the exercises she invites us to participate in, in order for us to learn what it feels like to connect and feel a part of the whole is spoon bending. Yes. Bending spoons.

So after reading about her experiences with it and learning how it is done, I followed her suggestion and went into my kitchen to pick out a spoon to bend.

I brought it with me into my studio and tried bending it. It is made of stainless steel. It did not bend. I laid it down upon my desk and every so often throughout a succession of days, I would pick it up and "connect," asking it to bend for me, which it did not. I had purchased some very thin stainless steel headpins for my jewelry making which were, by accident, too thick to bend, even with my hand tools, and this spoon is much, much thicker than those.

It should feel like butter in your hands, she said. There will be no resistance, she said. When you are one with all that surrounds you, you can ask, and if there is no harm, your request will be granted. I'm paraphrasing here. The point is that we have to ask. And there must be purpose behind our asking.

My purpose in wanting to bend my spoon was only to learn that it is possible. That is all. I felt that if I were shown that it is possible for me to know that I'm connected to the whole and there is no separation of energies then it would provide me with trust in the whole process and beauty of life. In what is possible. In the basis of love and connection as the whole foundation.

I picked up my spoon many times over a period of days. I tried to bend it. I pushed quite hard with both hands. I asked with my mind. I tried to be pals with the spoon, but nothing happened. It stayed straight as the day it was made. I even pushed both backwards and forwards with no result.

Tonight I went into my bedroom where my puppy was sleeping and this is the puppy of my heart. I fell in love with him the moment I met him and he has made my heart sing ever since. I curled up with him on the bed and pet him for a while and he made my heart all warm and fuzzy.

Came into my studio and picked up my spoon and my heart was still filled with love and warm fuzzies and suddenly my spoon melted into the shape you see in the photograph. Yes, I was holding it in my hands, but I did not use any force at all, was only aware of a yielding. When I became aware of the yielding the spoon was sort of "emanating" to me, I pushed my hands together and woosh, it bent like hot butter.

Holy shit.

It seems that at that moment my heart was filled with love, and I was still radiating love when I picked up my spoon; it could feel that and wanted to be a part of it, so it just melted in my hands.

Wow. I'm still a little perplexed, but my heart is filled with love for the possibilities of what this really means. It means I AM a part of the whole. The whole is both bigger and smaller than I've been taught. I can work within the whole for the benefit of all - as she teaches us with her other exercises and "metaphors," which involve dropping into what she calls Wordlessness, becoming connected in Oneness, using Imagination, and Forming amazing things in the real world based upon these "skills."

Over the days that I picked up my spoon and put it back down after it would not bend, I did not believe it ever would. I thought well, this exercise is for others. I kept the door slightly open because my heart wants to believe, but I wanted the proof of the spoon.

Now I know that it did bend. The spoon is my signpost that says keep going, this is fun! It says there are no barriers, we all belong (because I am very ordinary and if I can do it so can many others). It says Martha's a helluva coach. It says there's hope! It says there's a whole different way of interacting and working in and with this reality we find ourselves in! Try it. Don't just listen to me. Read the book and play with it. You just might be amazed. And don't give up if you try to bend your spoon and it doesn't work the first time. That is what really makes you go wow when it does bend like hot butter.

I have to add that I was so thrilled with my bent spoon that I did my happy dance over to my husband and stood in front of him holding it in my hands to show him. He got a funny look on his face, eyes twinkling, mouth smiling, he looked at the spoon and then looked at me and he said, "You ruined our spoon!" This cracks me up. He wasn't angry in any way. He's a scientist. He looks at the world in a very creative but practical way. And I thought it was hilarious that I was practically flying with the possibilities and meaning behind this little exercise and his first reaction was about the condition of the spoon and its apparently jeopardized usefulness. I explained the exercise to him and declared he'd enjoy reading the book, but he leans towards action thrillers if he does find the time to read.... I love him dearly because he encourages me to be myself, never correcting or discouraging me, and he's quite comfortable being himself. All good. I promised him I wouldn't bend our other spoons. That's what Martha did when she discovered she could do this. She bent every spoon in her kitchen! I'm sure they'll also bend back into shape, but I'm keeping mine as is.

Martha Beck. Highly recommended reading, and practice - she's written many books and has lots of videos available on YouTube. She's a very special woman - big spirit in action right here with us now, aren't we lucky?! She's also very funny. I laugh a lot reading her material, and sometimes I cry too.

Well spoon bending is awfully fun - give it a try after reading her material. Thank you, so much, Martha Beck, for the work that you do. We are growing.


Wednesday, March 14, 2018

The In-Between Time

Sweet Doves, the birds of Love
So I've been sitting vigil for some of my Lovies who have transitioned to our Celestial home over the past few weeks and days. Rob's Dad is in our Celestial home now. My sweet friend and colleague Amy is in our Celestial home now. My sister's son's wife's mother is in our Celestial home now. My husband's father's sister's son is in our Celestial home now. Ah, so many exits. We celebrate their beautiful lives with love.

Sweet Incense
I light incense on the porch outside and a candle or two in my studio for them. My candles are like winks or nods that I know they can see and feel. I fill up the birdfeeders outside and somehow feel a connection and communication through the sky-fliers. They come in flocks, or couples - the cardinals and blue jays who've been procreating in our backyard for some 12 years now. The hawk who sits in the tree across the street that I can see outside the windows of my studio. The crows who caw in the evenings and the doves who coo in the mornings.

Lovely Cardinals, Spirit's Herald
I feel my daughter close, who has been living in our Celestial home for going on four years now. She strokes my hair and makes my head tingle sometimes in the quiet of the night when I'm doing artwork or beadwork or writing. When she was here in life and she was little, she would stand at my elbow while I was working, and I would explain to her what I was creating. It is like that when she strokes my hair.

She also played again with the TV tonight to let me know she was here, or maybe it was sweet Amy checking in. I had had the TV on for the evening, and was at my desk winding up a few details on the editing project I'm working on. When I finished, I turned to go over and sit on the little leather couch in my studio, and I realized the TV had half turned itself off. "Hello," I said. I wasn't sure if it was Jess or Amy visiting but I knew it was Spirit cause one of the first things they learn to do because they are full-on vibration is to play with other full-on vibration here, and electricity is that.

I blew a kiss and air-talked with whatever Spirit was visiting, asking for my TV operations to be restored since it is my comfort. I worked with the remote control pushing various buttons - the "all power" button vs. the "on/off" button. It took its time responding, but respond it did after about five minutes. "Thank you," I said.

"I bet you're loving it," I said in case it was Amy. "You're still you, but bigger, and you have no pain!" I said. "And you can slip in and beam your love to your family!" I said. "I know, I know," I said. From the bottom of my heart, I know.

We all have our angels xo

They have zero judgment and they beam love and encouragement to us all the time. They feel so very relieved of the weight and machinations of the Earthly world. It's meant to be a good, sweet world, but at the moment it's in the control of some really unawakened, dare I call them, people. I want to call them barbaric animals, but no, I will not say it out loud.

I thought of what my friends who had lost children to death said to me, "It's a long road, but you'll make it," as I remembered the beautiful, heartfelt post Amy's daughter posted - my Mom was a strong woman and she raised me to be that way too. I will carry on and live my life to the fullest, because that's what she taught me, gave me. I'm paraphrasing here.

Tree of Life 

And I thought, I said the same things when Jess made her transition - I felt strong in those first days. But it is a long road with lots of ups and downs. And I wanted to tell Amy's family - cry when you need to right out loud. Those tears are healing for your body and mind and soul. And laugh. Laugh whenever you have the opportunity and it sneaks up on you, most likely brought on first by a loving, sweet animal, or perhaps another family member or friend. See the beauty in the passing of each moment and grab what sunshine there is. Your heart may feel heavy sometimes. Put on two pairs of fluffy socks and wrap up in a soft bathrobe and curl up under a blanket when you need to, with that sweet animal or a fresh-from-heaven baby human. Hug a lot. Sleep with a soft, fluffy teddy bear to shield your wounded chest from the pain. Pull out hankies when you need them and walk tall in the world in-between these times, doing what it is you care most about.

The sun will come out. It will come out now, but not in the brilliance that it will come out later. Ride the waves of emotion and know that they will pass. Be ever so grateful that you had someone to love so much - some people do not have that in their lives. Know that your mother, daughter, wife, sister, aunt, is not missing, like some others who never find closure to a life so well-lived. Know that she did not pass through violence, but surrounded by the tender, loving care of her family. Blessings. So many blessings. Hold them dear. I think her beautiful spirit orchestrated this. It was her journey and what a beautiful journey it has been.

The sun will come out....
Know that you will be reunited. Yes, go on and live your life to the fullest, not out of fear, but out of love. Love for the life she gave you, love for the love she poured into everyone and everything she touched. She was an inspirational spirit. So very special.

This is the in-between time. For her in her Celestial world, she is now like the facets of a diamond - all of her lives, all of her whole Self, even bigger than she was when she was here with us. She will come to you when invited with a peaceful heart. She is living, more vibrant than we can even imagine. Loving, with a love so deep and profound that we can only imagine it. Feel her all around you, by invitation. And live. Love. No reservations.

Welcome her in dreams, she will come to you. She knew the mysteries of Spirit - we had conversations about it. She is clean and good and whole and happy and beaming her love to you all the time. Yes she is.

The gifts of Spirit are not so mysterious or intangible as we have been taught. Trust the love. Trust the process. Honor her full journey which is now complete, as we must with all those who pass before us. One day it will be our turn and how do we want to orchestrate that? How do we want our beloveds to feel after we're finished here on the beautiful Earth plane?

I want my Lovies to feel happy to have known me. Happy to have benefitted in some way from what I had to offer. Appreciative. But definitely not sad upon my passing. I would want them to celebrate that with all of themselves because that's what I will be doing. A job well-done. A journey completed. A well-earned rest and more adventures to look forward to and plan. Love connected always. I think it is good to treat the deaths of our Lovies as we would want our Lovies to feel when we pass. Because we will, we will. Thank goodness.


Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Celestial Advice on Health

Those birthdays they keep coming....
Yes, those birthdays they keep coming, and though I appreciate the time I have here to do what I do, damn, I'm nearly 60! It is nonetheless, quite a challenge as my body grows older. The knees hurt so much sometimes I cannot get down the basement steps to do the laundry. And I like doing laundry, or I should say I like when it's done and I have clean clothes to choose from. I like folding it hot from the dryer. I like the caring that goes on behind it. My hands don't open pickle jars so well anymore, and when I go out into the world I struggle with stairs and hills and long walks or long waits. 

So I decided to ask Celestial Jess what she could tell me about health, and strengthening myself. Her response was, as always, very interesting, quite simple, and yet profound.

First, she advises me that when I'm doing something that gives me joy I should do it as much as possible. "Whenever you feel joy, it is a sign that you should continue," she says. "The beautiful Universe always gives you signs - and joy is one of the best to trust."

So I asked her about us going vegetarian and why this hasn't brought about the depth of healing I would like. It feels excellent, but I still struggle with some physical issues.

Here, she says, "Well Mamaaa, you have asked and so I will tell you what I know so far. Believe in yourself and all the props and comforts and soothing things that you participate in. If some activity does not bring you peace or pleasure or comfort, question that, and consider whether to continue with it or release it. Props and comfort are very different to each individual, according to their deep-seated belief system. This system can be very complex. Don't be afraid to examine it, bring it into the light, figure out what works for you. Yes, some choices can bring about sickness or exit from the planet, but it really is all about the journey, what you want/choose to accompany you. [All humans exit from Earth, and we have several options along the way to choose our exit. Sometimes we choose it before we come in.] It is all okay - no punishment - maybe limitations or consequences, but no punishment. Choose joy. Choose what makes you feel good. That may change from moment to moment. That is life-on-Earth. All good. All okay. Your choice."

Props and such....

I love the idea of choosing what makes me feel good.
I can go there!
But I still have some challenges. I asked her, "So what do I do, how can I heal my physical body from things I feel the medical doctors introduced - like the arthritis that began, like fire in my blood, right after a flu shot I got? I trusted them, yet that created pain that still rears its ugly head years later."

And this is one of her zingers, I just love them:

So she says to me, "Mamaa, your body rejuvenates itself regularly. You must work with your mind and your belief systems to overcome the pathways your body takes on from your mind, your thoughts. And be very sure of those thoughts - dig deep to find the ones that get stuck in pain and release them, consciously. This is something you need to do regularly, in meditation, to keep yourself as clear as possible. Being human, you will probably continue to tax the human vehicle - tool - the body - and that's expected. That's why we have tools built in for cleansing and purification. Your choice." 

Thank you Lovie!
Really good advice. I will meditate some more. Choose joy. Continue doing the things that I just love to do, and there are so many. 

Are you well and happy?
And I ask her, before closing our conversation if she's well and happy. Of course, her answer is not only yes, but "I'd like to tell you worlds, Momma, I could go on for centuries telling you just everything - sharing my delights, but soon enough you'll join me here and know - For now just trust that I'm well and happy and still with you." I have written the word BELOVED on a neon green post-it note and I keep it on my desk. So much of what I have around me is beloved. Joy. I remind myself not to punish myself for feeling guilty about all the hours spent working in the chair by my desk, I also remind myself to get up and go outside to feed the birds or work on something in the sunshine. Joy. I fit it in around the hard stuff. Thank you sweet Jess for the simple but profound reminders xo

Thank you for sharing your wisdom my sweet big spirit girl xo I love you forever and a day.


Tuesday, February 6, 2018

There Are No Dark Ones in Heaven - from Celestial Jess

Original painting by Edmund Dulac
I wrote to Celestial Jess towards the end of January because I was so sad, with so many people I love sick and in pain, dying. My heart felt heavy and it felt as if Death were riding on our shoulders for such a long time. The older we get, we realize it happens more and more, and it never seems to get easier.

"I miss you a lot." I wrote to Jess. "We have so many beloved ones here who are making the journey home - walking the path of sickness where their precious bodies are no longer able to stay strong. Sweet Graciela [she is struggling with bone cancer], Torey's wife's mother. [His wife,] Gaby's strong, but her heart is taking a tumble. Rob's father Bob [he's 89 and fading like a beautiful flower, no memory, won't eat, sigh...]. Rob's strong too, but so short after his sister's passing, and yours, my sweet, is hard for him. And my special colleague and friend Amy [this beautiful sparkling, ever so nearly perfect, widely respected and beloved woman is struggling with pancreatic cancer - the shock of sickness in all of our beloveds is mind-blowing because we want sickness to be selective - to bypass those who are good and sweet and loving]."

I explained to Jess how sad we feel for the family members who love these people. I didn't write down how we hope against hope along these beautiful, painful journeys that by some miracle, healing will happen so they can stay with us here on Earth so we can continue to love them as we always have.

There are no miss-taken steps.
Jess was all there this night, and she had a lot to say.

"Don't be sad," she wrote. "Everything and everyone has their very own journey and as you know, there are no miss-taken steps. It all winds into the glorious tapestry that is the story of a life well lived. Celebrate. Mourn. Feel. And go on to live your very own journey. All is as it is. And all is okay."

When I told Jess how much I miss our conversations she wrote "I'm here now, Mamaaaa, and it's better this way. Trust that."

"Jess, I was mad at the gods the other day, for creating such a beautiful place - Earth, for doing this experiment with humans, for being too proud and standoffish and 'untouchable' to come and intervene. It seems too cruel to me that they could create such a magnificent playground and then watch while we trap and capture and kill and torture and do power trips that cost lives, beautiful, precious lives - what can you tell me about this?" Yes I was afraid lightning might strike me at any moment as I wrote this, but it's how I felt, so I forged ahead.

There is always guidance available.
"Well," she wrote, "we touched on this when we talked about each person's individual life adventure, the free will of humans and the choices they have along the way. I want to remind you that at every step there is wonderful, loving, wise guidance available but only if humans choose to connect with it, to listen."

"You know this Mamaaa, that each person has both spiritual and earthly guides/mentors, and they can choose to listen or not. It's not that they're removed from knowledge, it's always their choice." She's telling us that we can meditate to get in touch with our very own Celestial guides and angels, and we also have what I call "Earth angels," those people here, who love us no matter what.

Here comes a zinger.

"We, here, cannot step in and 'intervene' or meddle except in rare circumstances when we are holding the position of guardian and we know the timing is not right for an exit or a test. Those are the times we can catch a person in a fall or head off a collision or give them a warning dream, but even then they have choice. The life adventure belongs to humans."

The zinger for me there was that there are situations where intervention does happen. And there's an implication that Celestial beings have some knowledge of what our spiritual selves have chosen to experience and they're beside us as we do this.

I love the next part.

After Jess wrote that the life adventure belongs to humans she wrote, "It's like they all get in the boat together and they decide where and how to sail and what supplies to bring, knowing there may be storms - preparing for them - we don't do that for them. Humans know the world. Itself. It's other humans they don't know so well, with each one being different. And part of the adventure is to enjoy that. What would be the pleasure if every human were the same as every other? The beauty and joy is in the differences."

Well of course it makes sense that the Celestial beings wouldn't do our living for us. Simple. The answers are always so very simple but profound, to me.

I wasn't satisfied. I was still searching for understanding - especially in our political climate, and with so much of our beautiful world and its peoples in jeopardy, I had to keep asking.

What about violence and evil?
"Thank you my sweet," I wrote. "It is hard not to understand why there isn't intervention where violence and evil and hurt come in."

"That is the forgetting Mamaa," she wrote. "It is something that happens when people put their belief outside of themselves. When they give authority to those who prettily convince them they should. These people are in all levels and places of life - they have 'forgotten' the most."

"Is there some way we can help them to remember? Can we teach them somehow?" I asked.

Jess wrote "Usually they remember by experiencing. That which they deny others or withhold. Normally they do not learn by hearing about it, through words, and often their hearts can't connect through compassion, so they have to live the experience of what they're causing that is bringing harm. That is what gives rise to the idea of 'karma' though it isn't, quite, as widely perceived - karma just means what they cause, they will experience - but there are many things that happen that are not part of the seeming 'equation of opposites.'"

And the thought that was downloaded into my head/heart while writing this is very hard to capture, but it's telling me that karma isn't perceived correctly here - it isn't "an eye for an eye" and it doesn't mean that evil perpetuates evil unceasingly. There seems to be some element of free will in defusing it. I may be able to explain this better later, as we keep writing. It seems to be part of what Jess describes as stuff she can't share because we have no way of understanding it in our limited terms. One of the things I've always struggled with is the idea that karma seems to perpetuate evil, and she's trying to tell me that isn't so. I hope she'll go into more detail about it at some point.

UPDATE - I came across some wonderful information while researching in preparation for the book I am writing, Coming Alive After Death, and it explains Karma perfectly, and DOES lay rest to the worry that Karmic evil may perpetuate yet more Karmic evil on earth. 

This perpetuation does NOT happen and here's why. (YAY!)

In the book Life in the World Unseen, written by Anthony Borgia, channeled by the Catholic priest Monsignor Robert Hugh Benson after his death, the afterlife is described in great detail in the span of 224 pages. Monsignor Benson realized after his transition to the Celestial worlds, that the books he had published during his Earth life were full of incorrect information, and from his Celestial position he wished to correct that. So that is how this book came about. It is wonderfully fascinating and heartwarming for all.

He explains that there is no judgment in the Celestial world except for that which we as individuals impose upon ourselves. There are "bands," or "spheres," or "levels" of existence in the spiritual worlds to which we assign ourselves as a result of how we perceive our behavior while on earth. No one judges us except ourselves. One of these levels of existence to which we can relegate ourselves is quite painful in that whatever we have perpetrated on others to cause pain, we then experience in our spiritual existence. We become the receivers of all that we have performed without conscience on earth, and we suffer the misery of it. 

THIS is what I now understand removes the worry from my mind that "Karma" - the law of cause and effect, decrees that those who perform evil can only learn by experiencing it themselves - does NOT necessarily take place on Earth. When severe, it takes place in the spiritual world to which each individual retires after Earthly life. 

The authors go on to say that it only takes an inkling of thought, light, wondering, reaching, to call to the spirit experiencing the most debasing levels of misery, help, so that they can learn and grow out of this miserable condition. It also describes many spirits who have no wish but to keep performing abominations and therefore keep experiencing them. Helpers are not allowed to intervene until the spirit feels the call from inside themselves for intervention and help. In essence, it is self-punishment and learning by experience.

I am so glad it does not have to happen on the Earth plane. I am so happy to have encountered information that puts the power of growth and beauty and love and harmony into the heart of each individual.

This book, Life in the World Unseen, is available free by pdf download and I will put the link here, but if it should break, just google it and you should be able to obtain a copy for free. Because it was published in the early 20th century, it is in the public domain, so freely accessible, and a more beautiful and heartwarming account of the afterlife I have yet to encounter. Should be required reading in school for everyone! 

To download your free copy go to

So I asked her "Does 'karma' happen during that same lifetime? Where justice comes about, or learning?"

"No," she wrote, "time is of no consequence on spiritual levels - so it can take as long or short as necessary for the being to experience what they've put out." Hm.

Dealing with dark ones.

"Does karma work on positive levels too?" I asked her.

I love this part. "Oh yes!" she writes. "As I understand it, and my understanding is not complete, positive karma brings many rewards, not only on physical levels of Earth plane but also in the spiritual worlds - that is how we grow and gain new options and choices. If we want fun ones, we have the choice to keep to the positive, if we want dark ones we can stay in the forgetting zone."

So I ask "But how do we protect ourselves from those who choose the dark options?"

She writes, "We are safe and loved at all times Mamaa, we are never truly in any distress. We are whole, nothing and no one can change that. Earth is a playground."

"What if we don't want any dark ones to come around us?" I asked.

And here's the scary but comforting part. I don't know if I like it. As I was writing it I didn't want to be writing it.

"They will." she wrote. Great, I thought to myself. We are vulnerable and what are we supposed to do?

Well she told me.

"We can strengthen ourselves at all times by keeping love in our hearts - before, during, and after any episode or event with dark ones. Love heals. It fills us up. If we cross over during an episode or event with dark ones, we are completely healed on this side, if we don't cross over, we can turn to love to heal us while we are there."

She writes, "Love comes from within, from our guides and mentors both spiritual and Earthly, and from friends and sometimes family. Love can also come from Earth herself and her creatures. Elements of Earth - fire, water, air, earth, spirit. Remember Mamaaa? Love heals."

I don't understand why she included the four elements plus spirit - sometimes I don't understand everything she writes. Maybe it'll become clear later.

So I wrote to her "Thank you sweet Jess - this doesn't sound like you, when we just talk, though I really appreciate your answers -"

Because she has a sort of spunky way about her and this was a bit more sort of serious.

Here's a lovely zinger.

"I can tap into a collective of information from my teachers now, Momma, and I've been working hard to learn and re-member."

She wrote, "I had forgotten a lot, and though I wasn't 'dark,' I was a bit lost, or without my inner guidance when I was there. That is why I say you showed me a lot, taught me a lot, but Dad [biological father, Jeff], was more 'forgetful' than you and I picked up more of that from him. I was not a 'dark one' but I was a little farther away from the light than I like to be. So now, after my accelerated life, where I was reminded when in your care, surrounded by your love, I was finished learning about forgetting. I will seek to re-member first, next time so I can stay closer to the light. I like that a lot. I can still have fun, you taught me that. But I don't have to lose myself. Thank you Momma."

Another little zinger. Jess says that she will "seek to re-member first, next time," which I understand means that she will plan to seek connection to her resources in her next life as she grows. This implies spiritual planning before we come in, which I really like. So it seems that life is a bit of a mix of spiritual with physical and I'm learning the boundaries, which seem to flex according to various factors. Fascinating.

And as you can see if you click on the images to enlarge them and read the close of our letter, I tell her how much I love her and how proud I am of her.

A lot there to ponder. More about what she does in heaven, evidently she connects with her teachers and they somehow sort of channel info so it filters down. That's way cool. I like how things are explained. And always, always, after our letters, I like the feeling of peace that stays with me for a long time after we write.

If I were writing this myself, I would somehow make it so we are not vulnerable, so "dark ones" never come near us and never hurt us on any level. I am an idealist, and I LOVE my rose-colored glasses. However, that is not how "the adventure of life" seems to be here, but there are a few silver linings - 1) we are never alone during our trials, and 2) we cannot be harmed beyond the physical level, though that may include mental, physical, and/or emotional distress while we are here, which we can heal with love, and 3) we are advised to apply love to heal all areas of distress. So simple but also rather profound.

Thank you sweet Jess and Celestial teachers. I will ponder these things. One of the things I will ponder is how I define love. It is much, much bigger than I thought....

Update - the other thing I just realized is that she's saying "the forgetting causes the darkness," which implies that dark ones are only "human," - that they forget when they come to Earth plane. I like that one a LOT! It makes sense to me because if there's no threat to existence and no ownership in our Celestial world, there's not a darn thing to fight over. Yay!

Original painting by Arthur Rackham
So now we're all caught up on the latest letters. Thanks for reading along.