Letter to Jess on Cupcake Day

My Lovie where she loved to be xo

Sweet Jess,

Cupcake Day has arrived again, on your Earth birthday, which was such a magnificently happy day for me when you arrived. I sure wish you were here physically to share it with me. We are heading into year five of navigating life with you in your Heaven and me here, us here. It is so hard sometimes and at other times, so beautiful. I have learned so much.

Thank you for the grace in your death, for the choices we made when we were working in our Spirit World together before we came here. I believe we chose to do this journey together, and I see other mothers doing a harder journey. Yes, there are harder journeys than simply losing a beloved child to death.

Today as I was looking at the posts in the grief sites on FB, I came across a mother whose child has been missing for four months. They know that this beautiful, young, vibrant 16-year-old girl was hoodwinked into getting into a car with a man who was older than she was in Sacramento, California. They pretty much know she got pulled into a sex trafficking ring. They hope with all of their hearts and souls that she is still alive and may be able to escape or be found. And my heart wonders how much healing must take place within her if she is found for her to be able to trust in anything in life again, or her loved ones either, to be able to trust.

I don't have to deal with that personally, and for that I am grateful, though I pray for her escape and freedom and healing (and please for those of you who ask the otherworlds for assistance, this would be a great time to ask for intervention where possible). I know where you are, Jess. I know that you are whole, and happy, and surrounded by love and learning and growing. I know how you died. I am sorry for the sickness, but I am grateful for the knowing.

The other thing I come across on the grief sites is mothers who have to deal with children who have been murdered. Their confusion and outrage is, of course, enormous. That is another thing that I could not deal with. Thank you for all you did, Sweet Jess, to make your exit as peaceful as possible. I love you with all my heart and soul and I'm pretty sure I could not deal with the emotions that would arise if you were murdered. I do not know how these mothers do it. I know they struggle with depression, anger, and these deaths, understandably, take over their whole lives.

With your death, I am missing you, but I can honor you, and I feel you are at peace. There is no lingering trauma. You have told me so and I believe you.

Experiencing the death of a child really puts us on shaky ground, where everything we trusted and everything we know is completely annihilated. We rebuild if we can, and that takes a whole lot of seeking, learning, stepping out of our comfort zones and everything we thought we knew. It takes faith, and strength, and a little bit of magic. It takes the love of a precious few people who have hearts of gold and unflinching dedication. It takes the sun and the moon and the trees and the animals and the plants and the Earth herself, upon which I stretch my body out and feel a connection. I am here, and you are there, but you were here too, and I know you will be again, and so will I. And I know that I'll be there too. And we'll be there together too. And that will be a good time!

Thank you for the magic. That magic gentleness of your very soul that is beauty itself. Your determination, your learning, your laughter, your love. Our connection. We are, we were, we always will be.

On cupcake day, (and every day) I celebrate all of your strengths, all of your passion, all of your learning, your adventurous spirit, your willingness to be in the game. I celebrate your beauty, your love, your courage, your delight. I celebrate your life my Love. Thank you for sharing it with me. And thank you for all the soft, quiet moments when I feel you here with me now. I can't do this without you. And though it is different, I feel you. I feel your love, and I love you right back. Always and all ways.

Happy Cupcake Day. Happy journeys. Happy adventures. Happy travels. I know you have simply moved to a place that I will also go. I look forward to it and it makes my heart sing to think of it. May I have as much grace and dedication and courage and strength as you did in my journey here, and in my journey Home.

Before that time, may we work together, hard, to make the world a better place, so that other mothers do not have to experience the horrendous things that are currently happening in this world. Thank you for helping me to write our book, Coming Alive After Death, and thank you for writing with me from your Heaven the letters that will become book number two. May these books make a difference in the world to come.

I love you Sweet Pea, Starbaby, Big Spirit, Jessica Melinda Novak xo

Jess with her puppet George, who made all her photography clients smile!

Love, love, love, YOU,

Mom xoxo!!