What does your Celestial child say to you on your birthday?

Making a wish, which I think will come true xo

Jess and I shared the same birthday month. Mine is April 5th, yes I'm an Aries all the way, and hers was April 29th, a Taurus all the way. The first year after she died I had zero interest in celebrating anything, much less my birthday. My family was kind and gave me gifts and phone calls, but I was totally out of it emotionally, mostly still in shock and trauma. The second year I was deeply grieving and searching for ways to try to celebrate life but still under the darkness of death.

Now we're into the beginning of the fourth year, and I feel a connection with Jess which brings great relief, love, a feeling of non-separation which feels good. I didn't really work hard to find this, mostly it found me, and I'm totally open to it because it brings beautiful laughter, joy, peace, and that sense that all is well.

I still miss her, especially this month, because it is not only my birthday month, but hers, and I used to love sending her presents, talking with her on the phone, and just our physical connections. So of course it is natural that I would write to her in our special journal. 

Our special journal #3, cover design by Stephanie Law

I never know what I'm going to get when I decide to connect with Jess, and tonight I wasn't sure if she'd have any interest or anything to say. But as always, I was so pleasantly surprised. What a gift.

As always, if you'd like to read the letter, click on the images to enlarge them.

I lit a tealight candle in the special turquoise mosaic holder that Jess knows is hers. I turned down the lights. I put the man and pups to bed, fed the cat, and poured a glass of iced wine. Sat down and said my prayer of blessings and protection, then started drawing the little spirals Desiree taught me to do to calm myself. The technical explanation of what these drawings do is that they quiet the mind so that when you're focused on drawing (anything simple - doodles), your mind becomes able to receive messages from your Lovies who've passed on to higher vibrational worlds. They can't get through if your mind is a boggle of thoughts or grieving, so the drawing, like music, dancing, or sleep puts you into a receptive mode.

I could already hear her talking to me in the kitchen while I was getting the ice, which I'd done for us while she was here in life. She was saying she was aware and all there for my birthday and I felt her love and excitement for me. I'd been feeling her close for a few days - found a penny heads up - and you know they send you pennies from Heaven. I have a whole collection just from her. 

I told her thank you for the beautiful butterfly cloud she sent and she acknowledged that yes, she had sent it to me and that clouds are easy for spirits to send messages through. She was glad I had gone outside at that time so I could see it. I was too! It is meaningful for us, the butterfly, because when she was sick and I was taking care of her I helped her with her showers. After she died, I redid the bathroom and put up a new shower curtain that is covered with beautiful butterflies, to represent her metamorphosis into her new/ancient Self. The butterflies represented her Celestial birth. So she knows that butterflies are special between us, and that is how I knew the cloud was from her.

Heck of a lovely butterfly, eh?

What's really interesting about the butterfly photo is that it had been a cloudy sort of day and we just got a little bit of golden sunshine right at sunset. If you've read my earlier posts, you know that's a meaningful time of day for Jess and me. So when I went outside I was drawn by that little bit of sun and wanted to soak it up, and when I aimed my camera I thought I was focusing on the tips of my favorite trees. While I saw the clouds the thought in my mind was that it was curious there were two such different types - the fluffy spreading out ones (butterfly wings) and the heavy, dense slash (butterfly body). I didn't have any idea of what photos I would choose to go with this letter, but I figured since it was about my birthday I'd look in that folder of the pics I took on that day. When I look through photos to choose some for the blog, I generally select all the photos and open them so I can see all the images larger, one by one. It was then that I suddenly noticed the clear as a bell butterfly shape, and realized it was her gift to me. It even has a bit of rainbow color from the setting sun. Happy birthday Momma!

I wrote to her about some of the things she'd given me over the years, which bring me joy, and she said she tried to choose carefully so that they would bring me happiness, which of course, they do. And I mentioned to her that I missed the texts and conversations we'd had on the phone, because I lost them when I got my new phone, which, at the time felt devastating. So she says to me, "Well Momma, all our texts and conversations exist in eternity and if you want to experience them again you just need to re-member."

Ripples of Loooooove

She says "They are singing with love as they always have." I said "Thank you for that reminder - I sure did enjoy them." And she says, "Me too Momma." Then she drew me a little picture of hearts radiating and said, "That's our love radiating out throughout worlds Momma! Isn't it pretty?!"

 "Yes, it sure is gorgeous," I said. So she says "That's what everyone can do, make love ripples that go out and keep going and going. It's like food for people's souls." So sweet. So I said, "Oh I love that! Probably why I enjoy lots of the magical Facebook posts I encounter and love to share, food for the soul." 

"Yes, Momma, you are just learning how to turn to that for nourishment - to choose what makes you happy and it's very good for you, like medicine. Keep doing that lots more." 

"Don't fear anything. Just bask in the light. All is as it should be," she says.

Build anything you want!

So I tell her about some physical challenges I'm facing and she says, "Momma, you can build anything you want to, you just have to have the true desire to see it come to fruition. You will choose what you wish to experience. Trust that."

I told her I thought that was a loaded statement. She said, "Yeah, how about that - power! Just let your heart and mind see and feel the possibilities - there are a lot of them. You're running your show - even though most people don't really know that about themselves." 

She was in a very encouraging mode, which is pretty much how she always is from the Celestial worlds, and she said "Yes, celebrate Momma, we had a good time, and it will always be. Be happy. Truly, deeply happy. It is such a good feeling to be filled up by the love we have." And she drew me a bunch of little hearts and the feeling that I get when looking at them is somewhat of the flutter of butterflies and somewhat of their emanating across whole expanses of space and time.

Spiritual practice!

We are not taught to practice our spiritual capacities. But in learning to do this, I've experienced amazing results. From bending spoons to having spiritual conversations with those I've had difficulties with smooth out like silk. She encourages me to flex my spiritual muscles more. And it's so cute cause she's so in "Jessie" mode. "RRRrrrr," she says. That's so Jess. "It's excellent for you, and others too," she says. "You are on your pathway, doesn't it feel good, Momma?" 

Yes. It does. Not that I haven't always been on my spiritual pathway. Everything I've ever experienced has helped me become who I am, so my feet have not been too far astray. But she's talking about doing this consciously. Directing it. Receiving guidance. Welcoming and embracing that through meditation and personal connection. That makes life "conscious." And it makes a big difference in both happiness and results.

"Use it." she says. Oh I am! "Follow the happies Momma. That is the way. It will take you to the places of your heart," she says. 

Yes.

The cutest thing of all xo

And the cutest thing of all that she said tonight was "I am right here Momma. Touch your finger to your heart, that's my doorbell."

Yeah, I know. Adorables. 

"Welp, happy birthday Momma, and many more as you wish. I am with you, loving you and celebrating you." 

Thank you sweet Sparklepuff for your connection. You are most precious! And I love you forever and a day.

Namaste,
Jen