My Love Story - True Gift from Heaven

Blessings

We are each blessed, at certain points throughout our lives, no matter how hard, with some events and people and circumstances that are just plain gifts from Heaven, probably having to do with what we choose to sustain us as we come in to this Earth life, even before we get here. I believe we work with other spirits before we arrive, to agree on certain possibilities, and I believe we recognize each other when we encounter these mentors and allies and beloveds during our lifetimes here.

I am almost finished writing my book, Coming Alive After Death, and here, present a couple of chapters to whet your appetite, should you choose to explore more after it is published. These are not the opening chapters of the book.

Divine Connections happen' here xoxo

Divine Connections

We were so blessed to have my sweet husband in our lives, escorting us through this foray into uncharted territory with my daughter so sick. My husband is one of the most accepting people I've ever met, next to my sweet and gentle grandfather. He doesn't judge people, and he believes the best in them. He has faith that they can work out their troubles and though he is always available to talk with, and his perspectives are always generous and enlightened, he's not a meddler or a controlling person. Raising our four kids with him was amazing. We were a blended family, both of us having experienced divorce when our respective spouses became bored with us.

It was magical when we got together and has been pretty magical ever since. 

My Littles in our tiny house in Colorado
when I first became a single Mom xoxo
Jess was 7 and Torey was 9 years old.

When I moved from Colorado to Pennsylvania with my children as a single mother, we lived in a three-bedroom apartment for a couple of years. We found ourselves surrounded by lots of other single mother families, and many students. And I found that most of these mothers were bitter towards men and not really the kind of people I enjoyed spending time with. I love men. I believe the world is full of really good ones, and I can't sit around dissing them just because the one in my first marriage was not trustworthy.

So I started looking for a place to live that offered more of a neighborhood environment, with a mix of families. It had to allow pets, since I had a cat and wanted a dog, and it had to be small enough for me to comfortably afford the heat in winter, and easy to take care of and maintain both inside and out. I came across an ad in the paper for a duplex and arranged to see it early one morning.

When I walked into the modest living room just inside the front door, I heard myself saying "I'll take it!"

All I had seen was the floor, the windows, and the empty bookshelves when I heard myself say,
"I'll take it!"

This is exactly when divine forces clicked into motion, though I didn't know it at the time. 

Life-sustaining forces are everywhere.

I am absolutely certain of divine forces working through my life, to bring me opportunities, to place right in front of me just what I need when I need it. I believe in this for ALL of us. And as I grow older, I get better at listening, feeling, recognizing, and responding to these beautiful, life-sustaining forces. I will add here, that I don't believe these divine forces are meant to save us from death, because death comes to all of us, and the beauty in death is how we navigate it both with those we love who are dying, and the grace in the experience ourselves. I also have come to understand that death is merely transition to another kind of LIFE, so all that we are given is ultimately life-sustaining. 

The current tenant, who was showing me around said, "But don't you want to see the rest of it?"

I said, "Yes, but I'm sure I'll take it," because I had fallen in love with the immaculately finished gorgeous wooden floors, the wall of built-in bookshelves along the back of the living room, and the beautiful, very large, wooden, multi-paned windows punctuating the walls of every room in the house.

The tenant showed me around the rest of the duplex and though the third bedroom was very small, the place was just as beautiful upstairs as down. The backyard was small, but had a very old weeping cherry tree in one corner, and the cherry tree, viewable from the kitchen and dining rooms, bloomed fragrant white blossoms whose petals fluttered down and across the yard like springtime snowflakes. It was a dream come true to find an affordable place that felt like home. Outside my bedroom window was a tall, sturdy sugar maple tree that made the room glow pink as its leaves turned color with the cold winds of the coming winter. There were kids in the neighborhood, and lots of retired folks, single moms with dogs, and starter families. It was good.

My two children and I lived there for three years, and it was a very good home for us. I loved cooking in the tiny kitchen that overlooked the backyard, and the children and I ate at the dining room table I'd inherited from my grandparents when they passed away. Spaghetti dinners, late Sunday brunches, giggles and songs and stories. There was much laughter at that table, lots of crafting, homework, puzzle building, and so much of the sweetness of life.

Living room in the duplex was cozy.

The family that owned the other side of the duplex (we were just renting, with the dream of eventually owning) liked to spend time outside, and they had lots of barbecues. The father spent a lot of time in their backyard, gardening and tending to his beautiful plants, and they had a little custom-built pond with a tiny waterfall. The pond was filled with beautiful goldfish and water-plants. I could hear it from my open windows as I worked in the kitchen or basked in warm water and bubbles in our bathtub upstairs. Sometimes I'd look over and see the four of them, and dream of the day when our family would no longer be lopsided, missing the comfort of a loving paternal influence. I wanted to be like them.

Me at my desk in the little duplex living room.

During those years I spent a lot of time working, holding down a full-time job as well as doing regular freelance work in my off-hours. One night I was working at my computer, tucked into a corner of the living room and the doorbell rang. I never had any company so was curious to see who it could be. When I opened the door, I discovered that it was the father from the family next door, and he introduced himself and said, "I noticed that you left the lights on in your car. Would you like me to turn them off for you?"

"Oh!," I said, "no, I'll go do that right away. Thanks so much for letting me know." For the next few seconds we stared at each other awkwardly. Then he said goodnight and slipped away to join his beautiful family. As he left and I trotted out with my keys to turn off the headlights, I felt my solitude keenly, wondering if ever I would feel the wholeness of family again.

During the first year we lived there, I said hi to the neighbors once, and the mother drove my children to school a couple of times when it was thundering in the morning and I had to be at work by 8 a.m. Usually my children walked to school. I so appreciated the kindnesses of my little community. Though we didn't socialize, I'd sometimes find my driveway shoveled out after a hard snow, and once the father neighbor came over and sprayed a huge ant nest that was in our backyard, because the ants were finding their way into their kitchen next door.

One night while the family was out in their backyard barbecuing, my children came to me with a dead bird they had found. Together, we picked tiny wildflowers and a couple of nice big green leaves, and I gave them a garden trowel and went with them to the far corner of our yard, underneath the cherry tree. We dug a little hole and lined it with the leaves and flowers, and laid the bird to rest. I asked the children if they could think of something nice to say to send it on its way. They each, with very solemn faces, blessed the little bird and I did too. We gently covered the bird with soft earth, and I went to sit on the steps by the kitchen door that overlooked the backyard and my two lovely children stayed with the bird for a while longer. My daughter was about nine years old at the time, and my son, 11.

As I sat contemplating death so close to the life that was happening right next door, I heard my children start to sing, and I had to run inside to keep them from hearing the laughter that erupted from my belly, for they were singing, at the top of their lungs, with all the passion of innocent youth "FooOOOOr he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fe-e-e-llow, which nobody can deny!"

Oh Lord, I'll never forget that delightfully sweet moment. What a treasure.

Were they too young to understand the solemnity of death? Or were they young enough to remember it's a time for celebration?

Celebration xo

As I am writing this book, I take little breaks, to go out on the porch and feel the warm sunshine, sniff the wind, and stretch my eyes across the expanse of trees in the distance. As I live and breathe, here is what happened to me just now.

I'm standing on the back porch, basking and sniffing and stretching my eyes, when I roll them down and what do I see? A little chipmunk, quite dead, that my kitty has brought to me. It's a gift, he thinks. And my heart sinks just a little. So I go into the garage and get my garden trowel and then I pick some lovely little flowers and a long, fat green leaf, and I pick up the chippy and carry everything out to the front of the house. I can't bury it in the backyard because I'm afraid the pups would be too interested.

The neighbors think I'm gardening. I dig the hole, line it with the lovely green leaf and tuck the little chippy into its soft bed. I place the flowers around it and check to make double sure it won't be awakening, miraculously recovered, before I push earth's blanket of soil over it. Nope. No chance of recovery.

And you know what I do then? Yes, I start softly singing, "Foooor he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good fellow. For he's a jolly good f-e-e-e-llow! Which nobody can deny." I sing it all the way through, and my heart feels warm. I picture Jess up in The Garden in the Sky, and she's picking Little Chippy up as he runs to her and they cuddle. I swear my kitty is in cahoots with Jess as I write this book. They're both hovering pretty close.

Joey Max when he was a kitten xo

Becoming Cinderella

Our lives went on, working, working, working, dreaming, sleeping, growing, and I would often sit outside on the steps with my coffee on Sunday mornings, soaking up the dappled sunshine and enjoying the peace of nature.

One morning the father from the other side of the duplex came out his back door, which was only a few feet to the side of my back door, and he said "Can I talk with you?"

I was in my bathrobe, which was perfectly decent, but my hair was a mess and I had not had my shower yet, so was not at my best for entertaining neighborly conversation, but something about him was quietly urgent, so I said yes, come on over. He sat on the step with me and shattered my illusions when he announced "My wife has asked me for a divorce." Oh, my heart sank to my toes to hear this, as I had thought them the most perfectly wonderful example of family. They were the stuff of my hopes and dreams, and I never would have imagined anything wrong. I didn't want for them to go through what our family had experienced!

He said, "I know you're a single mother, and you know more than I do about this kind of situation, so I'd like to ask you a question." I said, "Of course, however I can help you, I'm happy to share what I know."

"Do you think that the children need a relationship with both the mother and the father when a marriage dissolves?" he asked.

"If at all possible, and if it doesn't harm them, most certainly," I replied.

We talked for a bit longer and he went back home, and I went inside my little home, each to our separate chores and duties.

And that was the beginning, though I didn't know it. The beginning of Becoming Cinderella with divine forces at work.

The pups, Tristan, Rob's lab, and Tyler, my sheltie xoxo

We both had dogs. His family had a golden retriever and my beautiful sheltie loved to jump over the fence between our yards to go and play with their pup. The dogs would run shoulder-to-shoulder through the neighbor's backyard, chasing the children and running after balls, and whenever this happened I felt embarrassed that my dog was so shameless about trotting around where he didn't belong. To make sure that the dogs would be friendly to each other, I took to giving them dog biscuits whenever I saw them together. It was the first bond of friendship, the love that those two pups developed for each other.

Though the father had told me his wife wanted a divorce, she continued to live platonically in the duplex with them for many months, and one day she came out to sit on the steps outside her kitchen door. I spent a lot of time on my steps, and so I went to sit beside her and asked how things were going. I asked her if there was any chance of reconciliation between them and she adamantly replied that there was no chance of it. "I'm done with him," she said.

And as I went back into my home after our conversation, into my little kitchen, I felt so confused that she would reject a man like him. He seemed so very kind. Well it wasn't any of my business, so I stayed out of it until one day in the late, late summer, the father stood awkwardly outside of his kitchen door and said to me, "There's a little art festival in a town nearby, and I was thinking of going. Do you want to go?"

I had decided after my gut-wrenching, life-shattering divorce that I had no interest in any kind of a permanent relationship, and was not at all actively looking for a relationship, and I knew he was feeling vulnerable. I got ready to politely decline, but the words that came out of my mouth were not my own and I heard myself saying, "Yes. Let's go." 

What?! My brain was completely surprised at my response to his invitation and I went inside to change and get ready to go explore the little town I knew nothing about. Ah, to be around some art and music, after all the relentless hard work of the past year. I scrimped and saved and the children and I only went out for free things, like beautiful hikes. The only money I spent on entertainment was to rent movies, and we practically kept Blockbuster in business for that time, since it was affordable, and it was a fun way to spend time with the children.

The little neighborhood was good for my children, and they made friends, sometimes doing sleepovers, and I was grateful for their experience of normalcy in other people's homes.

This was a sleepover day for them both, so my neighbor and I headed for the festival in the early afternoon. As I sat in his car while he drove, it felt awkward, since I was so used to driving myself everywhere and being both the man and the woman in my household. My children's father was mostly absent, living in another state, having relationships with women, partying, and spending his leisure hours as though he'd always been single with no responsibilities. He paid only half of the child-support the courts had awarded me each month. I had no knowledge of how to press for the whole amount, and truth to tell, didn't want any contact with him that wasn't absolutely necessary, as he was unstable in character and behavior.

When my neighbor and I arrived at the festival, he parked and we stepped out into the warm sunshine to walk through the streets, which were lined with booths of beautiful craftware. There were puppet shows and street entertainers doing skits, and coffee and wonderful foods and for a little while I forgot the toil of rebuilding life for my little lopsided family. I felt grateful for the reprieve.

My neighbor and I walked down to the beautiful gazebo located in a park at the bottom of the hill in this charming little town, and there we sat, alone, together, quiet in the twilight. It was a romantic setting, with tiny white lights twinkling all around the roof of the gazebo and couples strolling around the park. But he was not yet divorced, and so we did not kiss. Not then. We did not touch, all day.

And when we got back to our duplex we went into our separate front doors and slept alone, knowing the other was not far away, but unreachable for oh so many reasons.

One of those dog-walkin' days just after a fresh snow.

We took to walking the dogs together and we walked all over God's half-acre. We covered miles and miles of sidewalks past beautiful homes and gardens. We took the pups hiking through sun-dappled forests. We walked in the rain and the snow and the sun and the day and the night. It was our only time together. We talked. We laughed. We shook snow-laden branches on each other and snapped water at each other from the branches in the rain. We sank into huge leaf piles along the sides of the roads in the autumn, and we kicked and crunched our way through the leaves when there weren't enough of them to sink down into. The pups conspired to keep us close to each other, frequently entwining their leashes so that the father bent over with his arms around me to untangle them.

After several weeks of this, we returned from our walks dreaming of a time when perhaps we would not have separate front doors.

Finally they divorced, she moved out, and shortly after that, we held hands for the first time. I remember we were walking the pups through a paved alleyway in a neighborhood not far from ours when he reached out and grabbed hold of my hand and my body shivered inside the whole way home. It was the best kind of shivers.

I remember the moment when I fell in love with him. We were in the woods with the dogs, and by this time, his two sons and my two children hiked with us, and we were talking about the beautiful, thick moss that covered the rocks and boulders. He laid his hand on top of some deep green, thick moss, and as I looked at that hand, I suddenly knew inside that I loved him. That I would love him forever. No matter what.

We had the most romantic courtship that ever the world has known, living beside each other in our duplex after his wife went off to pursue her dreams. He raised his kids, and I raised mine, and we lived parallel lives for two years. We never had to call each other on the phone because we were right next door, and as the relationship grew, we shared our spaces with all of the children, sometimes barbecuing in his backyard, sometimes eating together in my little dining room. The children were able to get to know each other without the enforced confinement of mutual territory, and it worked well for us all.

We wrote love letters, which I still have, and he would tuck a single purple flower from the butterfly bush in his backyard into each envelope. He would open my kitchen door just a crack and tuck my love letter into the door as he closed it, and it would be the first thing I'd see when I woke in the mornings, with time to read and reread as I sipped my coffee. I loved getting his letters and I loved writing to him.

The antique desk where he wrote my love letters xoxo

Vases and more vases!

In the warm growing seasons, he would bring me huge buckets and buckets and buckets of beautiful flowers from the trial gardens that he oversaw as a professor of horticulture at the university in our town. Sometimes he brought me so many flowers it took me hours to get them all into vases. I put them into every room of our home. Big flowers, little flowers, all over the dining room, living room, kitchen, bathroom, children's rooms, my bedroom. Everywhere! And they were much appreciated since for several years I couldn't afford to buy flowers but would sometimes treat us to just one. I scoured the antique shops for inexpensive vases and sometimes used our drinking glasses and milk pitchers to put these beautiful flowers in. Yes, he swept me right off my feet, and I've been happily swept for all these many years.

Happies!

Yep, that's Jess on the right : P

Sillies in the kitchen having a cake fight

Torey and Jess

Torey and Jess right before Jess moved to Portland

Alex and Danielle with Joey Max

Trevor

Rob and Jess

This is the man who walked with me to scatter the ashes of my daughter, the daughter that we partially raised together when he picked up the slack my ex-husband had left behind and stepped firmly into the role of male provider and loving head of our now balanced families. We married two years after attending the enchanting art festival.

To this day, 18 years after that first time, we always attend the annual art festival in the little town of Bellefonte, where our magic first began.

Magic man. Wonderful man. Lovely flower man. My man. My beautiful, kind, generous, loving man.

My Love

So you see, my book is not so much about death as about life. It is not an easy read, as there is pain, but there is such beauty, and there is hope, faith, connection, and some mindblowing revelations as well as true comfort. I will post when it becomes available.

Namaste

Why Am I Not Angry at God for Taking My Child?

Jess, Herself

I have had a rather horrendous life, in-between the victories and the hope and the beauty and the joy, and yet, it occurs to me that I am not angry at God, though I don't call that force of loving energy God, I call it my Creative Source of Love, the source from which I spring, the source from which we all spring.

I only got angry once, when I watched my daughter, who was sick and dying, get "teased" by a healthy, vibrant friend at the airport when that beautiful young, strong, healthy woman breezed in, noticed Jess sitting there waiting for us to get the luggage, and said, "Oh Jess! How ARE you? It's so nice to see you! We need to get together. I'm getting married! Maybe you can even come to my wedding!"

The young woman went off to collect her suitcases, but before she left, my beloved Jess, who had spent most of her time in a wheelchair through the journey from her home in Portland, Oregon, to State College, Pennsylvania, was the epitome of Grace itself, as she replied, "Yes, it's so good to see you. We should get together."

The girl knew nothing of Jess's struggles with her ailing body. Jess didn't elaborate on her condition. Not a muscle in her face twitched. She radiated p e a c e. And yet, she had no future, no impending marriage, no children, no work, no driving, no eating, no peaceful sleeping, no anything but pain since her sweet body was in major sickness and decline.

That time, I did curse the Heavens. I cursed the gods. I cursed cursed cursed for my daughter's helplessness and the ill-timed appearance of the vibrant, healthy, young woman who epitomized what Jess was not, and would never be, though we didn't know that at the time. We were smack in the middle of trying to help her heal. Bringing on six more doctors and tests and treatments and medicines and everything we could possibly do to help her regain her own vibrancy.

Yes, that time I cursed the gods for flaunting perfect health and vibrancy in the face of my beautiful, shattered daughter. It was cruel.

But, that was the only time. Through all the sickness, doc appointments, disappointments, medicines that worked, medicines that stopped working, physical therapy that worked, PT that stopped working, seizures, and death, I did not become angry at "God."

Why?

Because I learned that "God," or as I call it, our Creative Source, is a part of EVERYTHING. This force of energy does not oversee us as a "Father figure," protecting us, OR "taking us away" from our beloveds when it's time for us to die.

This force simply exists. It IS. And we are PART of it. We are MADE of it. It works THROUGH us. Not upon us, not at us, not for or against us, THROUGH us as we live, AND as we die.

So as Jess sat there responding to what I perceived as unutterably cruel, she was totally connected and being her most true, high Self, absolutely imbued with Grace. Peace. Gentleness. Certainty. Beauty. LOVE. Wow.

And as she went through the ups and downs of her illness that led to her death I also went through major ups and downs. My heart was either right in my throat or down in my feet somewhere, depending on what we were going through. Her heart was shining. Glowing. Giving.

She said to me one day, "Mom, come and look in the bathroom at the floor." And she moved the rug back and swiped her toes over a bunch of little cracks that make a picture. "Doesn't that mark look just like Joey Max?!" she said. "Why, yes it does!" I agreed. And we both laughed. (Joey Max is our beloved kitty, who spent every single day and night with Jess while she was here. Jess loved kitties and they loved her right back.) This, she did while she was so sick and so weak, and when I look back at all the kinds of things she did like that, I am reminded of such grace and love through this process of her death where she was giving, giving, giving, to fill me up for the time when we would feel the separation. Sweet child. I wonder if she knows how much treasure she bestowed upon me during the time she was here with us. I think very much so, yes.

Looks just like our kitty, Joey Max xo

And if we look very closely and pay attention to our beloveds as they prepare to exit this planet and go to our Celestial Home, if we're lucky, we become aware of many lovely gifts and assurances along the way.

I am not angry at "God," because I have learned that "God" is very much a part of all that happens during our lives as well as during our departures. It is that force of Love and Energy that radiates out from those who are exiting, however long that takes, as long as they are not afraid, and it is that force that brings them into healing and wholeness after their Earth adventures are over.

It is the force that allows us to reconnect with our beloveds once our hearts and minds have settled, once they have reoriented themselves to the place where we come from, where we belong, the loving place of our origin. All of us!

It is that force that reminds us that we have birth here, on beautiful Earth, and we have death here, but Life itself is ongoing, infinite, regenerating, rejuvenating, and totally based in Love.

I am not angry with "God," because I didn't expect "God" to save her. I expected God to LOVE her. To hold her in the dearest arms of love and to surround her with it. And that is most definitely what happened.

I do not measure her life by the length of it, or by potential "milestones," such as marriage or having children. I measure it by the living she did. And she lived with all of herself.

And I do not "measure" God by the number of days she lived here, or whether they were good or bad or easy or hard. The only "measure" of that force I can perceive, in relation to Jess, is the immeasurable absolute joy or poignancy that came pouring directly out of her, depending on the circumstances she dealt with.

I have recently framed a couple of gorgeous photos she took while she was here, while she was strong, while she was being her photographer Self. And they are most beautiful and make my heart sing when I look at them. I see the world through her beautiful eyes and heart. Thank you sweet Jess. For your living. And your being you. Excellent job babe! xo

Jess's photo of Mt. Hood in Oregon with the moon overhead,
and the poem called Someday a Mountain.
I just love it.

Jess's photo of a gorgeous green twirl of leaves; Life.
I just love that too.

The "Workout Room," the "Life Room"

So this is the room she slept in while she was here healing. I sold the beds and we put all our workout equipment in there. It is now a place of life, a place to come and restore our tired bodies, to listen to beautiful music and stretch out, sometimes meditate, and sometimes dance. I love that her photos grace the walls to remind us of the love and life that we shared here, and that we continue to share, just in different ways.

Yes, we will keep on dancing....

I gave Jess that little dancing doll and she kept it on the wall next to her kitchen. Now it hangs in the workout room by the door. Each time I leave, I pull the string xo

Namaste,
Jen

Fear of Meditation - Read this.

My drawing of me in my happy place xo © 2004 Jen Berghage
Click on the images if you wish to see them larger.

Meditation - the ability to "go within" and communicate with the very highest sources of guidance and love belongs to all of us and each of us. It is a Celestial Gift that each of us is born with.

There is nothing to fear. But many people do have fear, as a result of other people telling them it is not safe, it is not real, it is not allowed, and it is not good.

That's a bunch of hooey and a powerplay by greedypeeps.

Why do we believe these people? They're people, no more authorized than we are to tell others what is good, what is allowed, what is real, and what is safe. Your authority resides within you. Period. Be aware of who and what put it there, and if it is chosen by your heart and mind, fine; if you have yet to question its origin, go ahead and do that. Lightning will not strike you, and you might find some interesting answers.

Question anyone who advises you against using your very own Celestial Gifts. These are gifts from Heaven, from your Creator, from God, whatever you call that Source of Love. They're free. They're simple, oh so simple. And they rain upon you so much love you wouldn't believe it. That love can stick with you for hours, for days and days and days, until you do it again. 

Meditate. It's incredibly empowering.

Here is my most recent experience. OMG - definitely feelin' the love.

So I belong to this grief group called Grief Resilience on Facebook. It's facilitated by Sheaya Biddle, a young woman whose mother died, which sent Sheaya into the expected tailspin, but something in her heart wanted to live regardless of the pain of this death. She became aware of a sort of fork in the road of grief recovery where she could choose between spinning out for the rest of her life in sadness and despair, or reaching for the light. And in reaching for the light, she started to share, and in sharing, she has given light and life to so many others. Part of what she does is bring outside speakers into the circle of members in this group of people grieving the passing of their beloveds, and these speakers who have also experienced deep grief have also made the choice to reach for the light, and in this way they are also becoming facilitators and teachers, mentors and friends, beloveds.

So one of these people is named Matt Berrier. He has mourned deeply the passing of his daughter, and he has made the choice to reach for the light and to share what has brought him peace as well as Celestial connection along the way. He shares 15 tools for everyday use, and one of these powerful tools is meditation, which he guides for those who are not used to it, and for those who enjoy a "guided trip."

I joined in on one of his guided meditations this weekend - a short 20 minutes that packs a wallop of love that envelopes me and lasts for hours and hours - just puts me totally into serenity. No panic, no sadness, no regret, no guilt, no missing, just LOVE.

I would like to share with you the mystery and magic of this particular meditation as it was for me, though each individual experience will vary, but from the comments in the feedback during the open session I can say it was all most positive. If you'd like to try out some of his guided meditations you can reach him at ON - Multi Dimensional Activation at https://www.facebook.com/groups/893474797447098/  This group is for those who are tired of the "status quo" and for seekers wishing to hasten their own awakening. It is not just "off the wall," but "over the wall." I am totally over that 'effin brick wall. Not over grief, but definitely over the stoppage of that brick wall....

I am not a novice to meditation, have been doing it for 20 years off and on. I LOVE each and every time I do it because I am shown profound things that help me to continue to function effectively in this "everyday" world on Earth. Meditation deals with the "inner" worlds, and those are unique to each individual, but nonetheless, very beautiful and quite profound, though not complex. Meditation is one of the ways our higher sources use to connect with us, guide us, and let us feel what real love feels like. Wow, it feels so good.

The interesting thing about my 20 minutes with Matt was that during the meditation, each thing happened before he said the words out loud to introduce guidance on what we could visualize. This to me, indicates that my inner participants don't function in a linear time; time to them, is simultaneous, so they "know" what he is going to say even before he says it. This is an indication that what is happening in my inner experience is very real. It confirms that they're really with me and aware of every step in my journey whether it's an inner journey or an "Earth" journey or experience. Hallelujah!

He started by having us go to our favorite place in nature (in our minds), and I have one that's very familiar. Have been going there for years, and actually did a beautiful drawing of it at one point. It's a forest area, right next to a tiny stream of clear water. It's where I go lots of times. 

Sister trees and pathway going along to the left of them
that I didn't know was there till this meditation.

Until this meditation I didn't know I could follow that stream to a pathway that opens for miles, and leads to a beautiful mountain. But that is what happened during his guidance. As my feet began to follow this path in the beautiful sunlight of the day, my daughter came to join me and she ran up and took hold of my hand like we'd just seen each other yesterday. She was fit, happy as a clam, and giggly. Dressed in a long flowy skirt and bright red blouse with her hair in two long braids. She was so clear and happy - not sick, not sad, not anything but happy. At first I was not expecting her since I didn't call her or ask her to visit me. But we took hold of each others' hands like we do it every day, and we just might, now that I know we can.

Then my Lynx appeared. He is my totem animal and has been for years ever since I did a card reading and that animal card jumped right out of the deck when I asked to know my own totem animal. Lynx is always there when I imagine him - whether I'm in a dangerous or fearful "life" situation like a doctor's office, or whether I'm exploring in meditation - Lynx is there just radiating strength, confidence, love, and abiding loyalty. So Jess and I and Lynx are walking up this beautiful trail leading to a gorgeous mountain.

Then Grandfather comes and takes my left hand. He is my Earth guide. He helps me when I encounter difficult people, obstacles in Earth life, etc. and he ensures that no wayward spirits can come into my zone uninvited in my inner life. He is loyal as the day is long - I trust him with my soul, and he is wise and worthy of my trust. He loves me unconditionally and I love him without reservation. To have a guide like this is like water to a person coming off the desert. It is so beautiful. He has been with me for many lifetimes. 

So now I'm walking up to the beautiful mountain with my spirit daughter holding my right hand, my Grandfather holding my left hand, and Lynx right beside me. The wind is blowing softly over me and through me, taking all my cares along with it. It feels like pure cleansing. I am dressed in very soft fabric, forest green, but cannot see the whole of it because I can feel myself but I'm sort of "in" myself so can't see the whole of me from outside. I can feel it though, and it feels GOOD. 

I am aware that my Earth father who has died is joining us and I don't want him to hold my hand, but I don't want him to walk behind us so he starts walking a bit ahead of us, jovially. He's happy to be with us. 

We climb the mountain and along the way we pass a huge, strong, magnificent waterfall to our left. Gorgeous water tumbling over beautiful smooth boulders. We can hear it, smell it, feel its spray upon our faces. We keep going. 

We can hear birds. A mountain lion watches our passing. A bear watches our passing. A bee flutters around us, (these are Matt's totem animals) and a hawk soars above us. The forest is alive with loving creatures. The earth feels soft under my feet. 

We reach the top and I see a fire ring. It is made of stones and the ring itself is bigger than any I have ever seen before. It must be 12 feet across, and there's a beautiful bonfire burning. The ring is surrounded by seating made of logs and big boulder-like benches. There are people sitting on almost all of them - they have been awaiting our arrival. We go and sit down. 

I feel welcomed like I've never been welcomed at a party before. It's like a homecoming of sorts. We are so glad to see you. Welcome, welcome, many hugs. 

With all of us sitting in this circle around the fire there is no sound of talking because all communication is telepathic. We sort of just feel it. A beam of love goes up simultaneously from all of us and it goes way up into the stars in the night sky above. It beams for miles and miles. And we can feel love beaming back to us from it. We just do this communion thing for a while. 

Then it is time to go back down the mountain. To leave my beloveds. I feel some reluctance but find that my daughter again takes my hand, and Grandfather, and Lynx pads along next to us as we go down the trail. All of my beloveds (wow there are many more than I knew of) follow behind us. 

As we near the bottom of the mountain and Matt starts to signal the awakening of my Earthly body, or the grounding in this "reality" I should say, my beloveds hug me, first my daughter, "I am always with you Momma," she says, then Grandfather, "I am with you," he says, and all the beloveds behind us say "we are with you, always and all ways." 

I am beloved. And I know it. Thank you my kindred spirits.

Under the moon and the pines, by the water, with the fire, barefoot,
and the wind is singing through the trees. I am beloved.

That is what meditation can look like, and I can find no words to describe the love that comes along with it other than to say that when you feel this kind of love you have touched what is really real, and it stays with you for a long, long time. You carry it with you while you're doing your regular day. It gives these tasks a lot of light, much serenity and satisfaction in accomplishing them, whatever they are.

Don't be afraid to meditate. It is the language of the soul. 

If you'd like guidance, and guided meditations by really good practitioners are excellent, get in touch with Matt. If any practitioner introduces fear into the process blow them a kiss goodbye and walk the other way. Anyone tying you to them through fear is not in any way connected to the otherworlds in ways that will help you to grow.

Another EXCELLENT resource for meditation is a free app you can get on your phone called Insight Timer. With this app you can choose from hundreds of different guided meditations, from nature sounds to music to healing, forgiveness, and any number of things. I use it a LOT and adore it!

Side note - research shows that meditation can help with health issues of all kinds. Use your Celestial gifts and bask in the love!

Thank you for sharing in my wonderful meditational experience. Many blessings to you as you explore your own!

Namaste,
Jen

My Favorite Thing

This is my favorite thing right now.

Did you ever see such a thing? No, I hadn't either, when I came upon this little bird wearing a huge crown, in the clock store in Millheim. It so delighted me that I kept coming back to it, and not only did I buy one for myself; I also bought one for a good friend.

Why?

Because it brings to mind the saying "only the meek shall inherit the Earth," - and though I don't subscribe to any religion, being quite spiritually based, I do carry in my heart some of the golden threads that weave through all the religions.

This little bird delights me because it does not know it's wearing a crown. It is a "common" bird, and doesn't even know it's royalty. It walks softly upon the earth, taking only what is needed, and sings the trees awake in spring, and me awake in the morning. It has lots and lots of friends.

It has no ego. And that is the very reason why it is crowned and can wear the crown gracefully, absolutely born to it.

It knows nothing of power. Only of belonging. Sharing. Flying high into the sky, into the forest and among the sun dappled branches of the trees. It mates for life.

It is royalty itself. So humble and so beautiful!  So I brought it home simply because it delights me to think of these things.

Inspiration

I have a fairly big desk and I like to put things on it that inspire me. So this is where my little sparrow lives, among candles and tiny oil lamps and a Cirque du Soleil doll who is standing on a golden ball. Cirque employs the biggest of the best human beings on this planet, and I just love their shows. The music is always excellent and the things they can do with their bodies are just jaw-droppingly amazing. Plus the organization itself does marvelous things for the planet and the well-being of the people. Best show on Earth besides Brazilian Rhapsody.

I think it's fun to figure out why I buy some things, especially in this era of not glomming up the planet with junk. I love to support artists, and I do not know who designed this little bird, but I wish them a good day every day for the joy they've brought me.

My little, humble, royal sparrow. The thing I love best is he has no idea how truly great he is. Nice.

Namaste,
Jen

Sure Signs From Heaven

Jess and me together xo

I've been doing a lot of research and work to finish my book, our book, Coming Alive After Death and sweet Jess has been very close. Not only because of this research and work, but also because it is our birthday month. I'm April 5th and her Earth birthday was April 29th. So she comes close to me during this time of year, and it's absolutely delightful.

Yes, I found a dime, and a penny, yes, I've had birds doing all kinds of things, like for example, right on my birthday I was home alone while my husband was at work, and as I walked through my kitchen I looked out the window. I saw two beautiful doves and not only were they cooing their lovely coos, but they were flirting with each other, doing the major mating dance. I stood stock still in my kitchen watching birth happen, wow!

Yes, beautiful spring has arrived with its rains and winds and birds making love. The doves puffed themselves up and the female spread her wings out and turned her back on the male, who promptly fluffed his chest feathers up and danced all around her, pecking at his chest to make it fluff out even more.

Downloaded from Pinterest.com

Finally he mounted her and they made little baby doves fresh from Heaven which will arrive in just a few weeks! Now it's nest building time. I felt that Jess had guided me to be in just the right place and time to witness this beautiful event for my birthday present this year, and how can you beat that? Baby doves coming! Baby doves coming! Yay!

Well right up next to it is a dozen long-stemmed, fat, fluffy, fragrant red roses from my son and his wife, that I sniffed several times every day for all the days they were happy being with us. Gorgeous roses! Gorgeous doves!

Beautiful roses from my son and his wife xoxo

But that is not all of the story about signs from Heaven and love. Rob and I went out to our car to run some errands on this day, and we had the most delightful, mysterious experience. We each have key fobs that have buttons on them to open the door locks, to open the trunk of the car, and to set off an alarm. He punched the button to unlock the doors. What happened was that not only did the doors unlock, but as we opened them and climbed inside the car, all the windows went down about half an inch, AND the sunroof opened about half an inch too!

There's no way to control the windows from the key fob, and certainly no way to open the sun roof except for the button up near the top of the windshield once you're inside the car. But all these opened on this day while we had our hands on the front doors of the car and were just climbing in. It was like sweet Jess was saying, "I'm with you and I'm all in. Let's go!"

Rob and I looked at each other, he had a funny smile on his face and was feeling sort of puzzled and I just said "Hi sweet Jess!" and felt totally delighted. I know that because of their higher vibration, spirits can play with electricity rather easily, and it's one of the signs they use to let us know they're well and happy and with us in happiness, love, and light.

Yes, our Lovies do send us signs that they're well and happy and very much with us and they want us to be happy too.

She's also popped several light bulbs this week. Stock up on lightbulbs, peeps who have Lovies in Heaven!

Namaste,
Jen

What does your Celestial child say to you on your birthday?

Making a wish, which I think will come true xo

Jess and I shared the same birthday month. Mine is April 5th, yes I'm an Aries all the way, and hers was April 29th, a Taurus all the way. The first year after she died I had zero interest in celebrating anything, much less my birthday. My family was kind and gave me gifts and phone calls, but I was totally out of it emotionally, mostly still in shock and trauma. The second year I was deeply grieving and searching for ways to try to celebrate life but still under the darkness of death.

Now we're into the beginning of the fourth year, and I feel a connection with Jess which brings great relief, love, a feeling of non-separation which feels good. I didn't really work hard to find this, mostly it found me, and I'm totally open to it because it brings beautiful laughter, joy, peace, and that sense that all is well.

I still miss her, especially this month, because it is not only my birthday month, but hers, and I used to love sending her presents, talking with her on the phone, and just our physical connections. So of course it is natural that I would write to her in our special journal. 

Our special journal #3, cover design by Stephanie Law

I never know what I'm going to get when I decide to connect with Jess, and tonight I wasn't sure if she'd have any interest or anything to say. But as always, I was so pleasantly surprised. What a gift.

As always, if you'd like to read the letter, click on the images to enlarge them.

I lit a tealight candle in the special turquoise mosaic holder that Jess knows is hers. I turned down the lights. I put the man and pups to bed, fed the cat, and poured a glass of iced wine. Sat down and said my prayer of blessings and protection, then started drawing the little spirals Desiree taught me to do to calm myself. The technical explanation of what these drawings do is that they quiet the mind so that when you're focused on drawing (anything simple - doodles), your mind becomes able to receive messages from your Lovies who've passed on to higher vibrational worlds. They can't get through if your mind is a boggle of thoughts or grieving, so the drawing, like music, dancing, or sleep puts you into a receptive mode.

I could already hear her talking to me in the kitchen while I was getting the ice, which I'd done for us while she was here in life. She was saying she was aware and all there for my birthday and I felt her love and excitement for me. I'd been feeling her close for a few days - found a penny heads up - and you know they send you pennies from Heaven. I have a whole collection just from her. 

I told her thank you for the beautiful butterfly cloud she sent and she acknowledged that yes, she had sent it to me and that clouds are easy for spirits to send messages through. She was glad I had gone outside at that time so I could see it. I was too! It is meaningful for us, the butterfly, because when she was sick and I was taking care of her I helped her with her showers. After she died, I redid the bathroom and put up a new shower curtain that is covered with beautiful butterflies, to represent her metamorphosis into her new/ancient Self. The butterflies represented her Celestial birth. So she knows that butterflies are special between us, and that is how I knew the cloud was from her.

Heck of a lovely butterfly, eh?

What's really interesting about the butterfly photo is that it had been a cloudy sort of day and we just got a little bit of golden sunshine right at sunset. If you've read my earlier posts, you know that's a meaningful time of day for Jess and me. So when I went outside I was drawn by that little bit of sun and wanted to soak it up, and when I aimed my camera I thought I was focusing on the tips of my favorite trees. While I saw the clouds the thought in my mind was that it was curious there were two such different types - the fluffy spreading out ones (butterfly wings) and the heavy, dense slash (butterfly body). I didn't have any idea of what photos I would choose to go with this letter, but I figured since it was about my birthday I'd look in that folder of the pics I took on that day. When I look through photos to choose some for the blog, I generally select all the photos and open them so I can see all the images larger, one by one. It was then that I suddenly noticed the clear as a bell butterfly shape, and realized it was her gift to me. It even has a bit of rainbow color from the setting sun. Happy birthday Momma!

I wrote to her about some of the things she'd given me over the years, which bring me joy, and she said she tried to choose carefully so that they would bring me happiness, which of course, they do. And I mentioned to her that I missed the texts and conversations we'd had on the phone, because I lost them when I got my new phone, which, at the time felt devastating. So she says to me, "Well Momma, all our texts and conversations exist in eternity and if you want to experience them again you just need to re-member."

Ripples of Loooooove

She says "They are singing with love as they always have." I said "Thank you for that reminder - I sure did enjoy them." And she says, "Me too Momma." Then she drew me a little picture of hearts radiating and said, "That's our love radiating out throughout worlds Momma! Isn't it pretty?!"

 "Yes, it sure is gorgeous," I said. So she says "That's what everyone can do, make love ripples that go out and keep going and going. It's like food for people's souls." So sweet. So I said, "Oh I love that! Probably why I enjoy lots of the magical Facebook posts I encounter and love to share, food for the soul." 

"Yes, Momma, you are just learning how to turn to that for nourishment - to choose what makes you happy and it's very good for you, like medicine. Keep doing that lots more." 

"Don't fear anything. Just bask in the light. All is as it should be," she says.

Build anything you want!

So I tell her about some physical challenges I'm facing and she says, "Momma, you can build anything you want to, you just have to have the true desire to see it come to fruition. You will choose what you wish to experience. Trust that."

I told her I thought that was a loaded statement. She said, "Yeah, how about that - power! Just let your heart and mind see and feel the possibilities - there are a lot of them. You're running your show - even though most people don't really know that about themselves." 

She was in a very encouraging mode, which is pretty much how she always is from the Celestial worlds, and she said "Yes, celebrate Momma, we had a good time, and it will always be. Be happy. Truly, deeply happy. It is such a good feeling to be filled up by the love we have." And she drew me a bunch of little hearts and the feeling that I get when looking at them is somewhat of the flutter of butterflies and somewhat of their emanating across whole expanses of space and time.

Spiritual practice!

We are not taught to practice our spiritual capacities. But in learning to do this, I've experienced amazing results. From bending spoons to having spiritual conversations with those I've had difficulties with smooth out like silk. She encourages me to flex my spiritual muscles more. And it's so cute cause she's so in "Jessie" mode. "RRRrrrr," she says. That's so Jess. "It's excellent for you, and others too," she says. "You are on your pathway, doesn't it feel good, Momma?" 

Yes. It does. Not that I haven't always been on my spiritual pathway. Everything I've ever experienced has helped me become who I am, so my feet have not been too far astray. But she's talking about doing this consciously. Directing it. Receiving guidance. Welcoming and embracing that through meditation and personal connection. That makes life "conscious." And it makes a big difference in both happiness and results.

"Use it." she says. Oh I am! "Follow the happies Momma. That is the way. It will take you to the places of your heart," she says. 

Yes.

The cutest thing of all xo

And the cutest thing of all that she said tonight was "I am right here Momma. Touch your finger to your heart, that's my doorbell."

Yeah, I know. Adorables. 

"Welp, happy birthday Momma, and many more as you wish. I am with you, loving you and celebrating you." 

Thank you sweet Sparklepuff for your connection. You are most precious! And I love you forever and a day.

Namaste,
Jen

Bending Spoons, Being ONE

Yep, we can do this.

So I am reading an author that I have loved for a number of years, Martha Beck. I first fell in love with her when I read Expecting Adam, the beautiful book she wrote that launched her career. She was a student at Harvard and she became pregnant. The doctors could tell from tests that her baby would be born with Down Syndrome. Many of her professors told her to abort the child. She could not. Many magical things began to happen to Martha while Adam grew in her womb.

They continued after he was born. Adam brought many gifts. I am so, so glad Martha listened to her heart and not those professors. And I am certain she is also glad. And beautiful Adam too.

Her career blossomed as a result of that first book, and over the years she became one of the most respected "life coaches" of today, though that was not her original "Plan A" for life. Her methods of teaching get us to think, or actually maybe a better way to put it might be not to think, but to feel, to intuit, to connect with the whole, to allow ourselves to be part of the magnificent force of energy we know as the Creator of Life, Love itself; they invite us to partake of gifts that are inherent to our simply being born here in this very special place and time. She introduces us to these gifts that have mostly been hidden from us for many centuries, especially in the Western world.

In her book, Finding Your Way in a Wild New World, she has many off-the-wall exercises we can practice, such as spoon-bending. Yes, just like those strange people we sometimes see on television or YouTube - those who can bend metal with their minds and very little else.

She has studied many things, which include physics and the sciences. She blends her scientific knowledge with spirituality and takes it all many steps further. She encourages us to do the same.

So in the course of reading this book and doing the exercises I came to the one where she teaches that we are all connected and we are all energy. Matter is made of energy, thus also connected and part of us. One of the exercises she invites us to participate in, in order for us to learn what it feels like to connect and feel a part of the whole is spoon bending. Yes. Bending spoons.

So after reading about her experiences with it and learning how it is done, I followed her suggestion and went into my kitchen to pick out a spoon to bend.

I brought it with me into my studio and tried bending it. It is made of stainless steel. It did not bend. I laid it down upon my desk and every so often throughout a succession of days, I would pick it up and "connect," asking it to bend for me, which it did not. I had purchased some very thin stainless steel headpins for my jewelry making which were, by accident, too thick to bend, even with my hand tools, and this spoon is much, much thicker than those.

It should feel like butter in your hands, she said. There will be no resistance, she said. When you are one with all that surrounds you, you can ask, and if there is no harm, your request will be granted. I'm paraphrasing here. The point is that we have to ask. And there must be purpose behind our asking.

My purpose in wanting to bend my spoon was only to learn that it is possible. That is all. I felt that if I were shown that it is possible for me to know that I'm connected to the whole and there is no separation of energies then it would provide me with trust in the whole process and beauty of life. In what is possible. In the basis of love and connection as the whole foundation.

I picked up my spoon many times over a period of days. I tried to bend it. I pushed quite hard with both hands. I asked with my mind. I tried to be pals with the spoon, but nothing happened. It stayed straight as the day it was made. I even pushed both backwards and forwards with no result.

Tonight I went into my bedroom where my puppy was sleeping and this is the puppy of my heart. I fell in love with him the moment I met him and he has made my heart sing ever since. I curled up with him on the bed and pet him for a while and he made my heart all warm and fuzzy.

Came into my studio and picked up my spoon and my heart was still filled with love and warm fuzzies and suddenly my spoon melted into the shape you see in the photograph. Yes, I was holding it in my hands, but I did not use any force at all, was only aware of a yielding. When I became aware of the yielding the spoon was sort of "emanating" to me, I pushed my hands together and woosh, it bent like hot butter.

Holy shit.

It seems that at that moment my heart was filled with love, and I was still radiating love when I picked up my spoon; it could feel that and wanted to be a part of it, so it just melted in my hands.

Wow. I'm still a little perplexed, but my heart is filled with love for the possibilities of what this really means. It means I AM a part of the whole. The whole is both bigger and smaller than I've been taught. I can work within the whole for the benefit of all - as she teaches us with her other exercises and "metaphors," which involve dropping into what she calls Wordlessness, becoming connected in Oneness, using Imagination, and Forming amazing things in the real world based upon these "skills."

Over the days that I picked up my spoon and put it back down after it would not bend, I did not believe it ever would. I thought well, this exercise is for others. I kept the door slightly open because my heart wants to believe, but I wanted the proof of the spoon.

Now I know that it did bend. The spoon is my signpost that says keep going, this is fun! It says there are no barriers, we all belong (because I am very ordinary and if I can do it so can many others). It says Martha's a helluva coach. It says there's hope! It says there's a whole different way of interacting and working in and with this reality we find ourselves in! Try it. Don't just listen to me. Read the book and play with it. You just might be amazed. And don't give up if you try to bend your spoon and it doesn't work the first time. That is what really makes you go wow when it does bend like hot butter.

I have to add that I was so thrilled with my bent spoon that I did my happy dance over to my husband and stood in front of him holding it in my hands to show him. He got a funny look on his face, eyes twinkling, mouth smiling, he looked at the spoon and then looked at me and he said, "You ruined our spoon!" This cracks me up. He wasn't angry in any way. He's a scientist. He looks at the world in a very creative but practical way. And I thought it was hilarious that I was practically flying with the possibilities and meaning behind this little exercise and his first reaction was about the condition of the spoon and its apparently jeopardized usefulness. I explained the exercise to him and declared he'd enjoy reading the book, but he leans towards action thrillers if he does find the time to read.... I love him dearly because he encourages me to be myself, never correcting or discouraging me, and he's quite comfortable being himself. All good. I promised him I wouldn't bend our other spoons. That's what Martha did when she discovered she could do this. She bent every spoon in her kitchen! I'm sure they'll also bend back into shape, but I'm keeping mine as is.

Martha Beck. Highly recommended reading, and practice - she's written many books and has lots of videos available on YouTube. She's a very special woman - big spirit in action right here with us now, aren't we lucky?! She's also very funny. I laugh a lot reading her material, and sometimes I cry too.

Well spoon bending is awfully fun - give it a try after reading her material. Thank you, so much, Martha Beck, for the work that you do. We are growing.

Namaste,
Jen

The In-Between Time

Sweet Doves, the birds of Love

So I've been sitting vigil for some of my Lovies who have transitioned to our Celestial home over the past few weeks and days. Rob's Dad is in our Celestial home now. My sweet friend and colleague Amy is in our Celestial home now. My sister's son's wife's mother is in our Celestial home now. My husband's father's sister's son is in our Celestial home now. Ah, so many exits. We celebrate their beautiful lives with love.

Sweet Incense

I light incense on the porch outside and a candle or two in my studio for them. My candles are like winks or nods that I know they can see and feel. I fill up the birdfeeders outside and somehow feel a connection and communication through the sky-fliers. They come in flocks, or couples - the cardinals and blue jays who've been procreating in our backyard for some 12 years now. The hawk who sits in the tree across the street that I can see outside the windows of my studio. The crows who caw in the evenings and the doves who coo in the mornings.

Lovely Cardinals, Spirit's Herald

I feel my daughter close, who has been living in our Celestial home for going on four years now. She strokes my hair and makes my head tingle sometimes in the quiet of the night when I'm doing artwork or beadwork or writing. When she was here in life and she was little, she would stand at my elbow while I was working, and I would explain to her what I was creating. It is like that when she strokes my hair.

She also played again with the TV tonight to let me know she was here, or maybe it was sweet Amy checking in. I had had the TV on for the evening, and was at my desk winding up a few details on the editing project I'm working on. When I finished, I turned to go over and sit on the little leather couch in my studio, and I realized the TV had half turned itself off. "Hello," I said. I wasn't sure if it was Jess or Amy visiting but I knew it was Spirit cause one of the first things they learn to do because they are full-on vibration is to play with other full-on vibration here, and electricity is that.

I blew a kiss and air-talked with whatever Spirit was visiting, asking for my TV operations to be restored since it is my comfort. I worked with the remote control pushing various buttons - the "all power" button vs. the "on/off" button. It took its time responding, but respond it did after about five minutes. "Thank you," I said.

"I bet you're loving it," I said in case it was Amy. "You're still you, but bigger, and you have no pain!" I said. "And you can slip in and beam your love to your family!" I said. "I know, I know," I said. From the bottom of my heart, I know.

We all have our angels xo

They have zero judgment and they beam love and encouragement to us all the time. They feel so very relieved of the weight and machinations of the Earthly world. It's meant to be a good, sweet world, but at the moment it's in the control of some really unawakened, dare I call them, people. I want to call them barbaric animals, but no, I will not say it out loud.

I thought of what my friends who had lost children to death said to me, "It's a long road, but you'll make it," as I remembered the beautiful, heartfelt post Amy's daughter posted - my Mom was a strong woman and she raised me to be that way too. I will carry on and live my life to the fullest, because that's what she taught me, gave me. I'm paraphrasing here.

Tree of Life 

And I thought, I said the same things when Jess made her transition - I felt strong in those first days. But it is a long road with lots of ups and downs. And I wanted to tell Amy's family - cry when you need to right out loud. Those tears are healing for your body and mind and soul. And laugh. Laugh whenever you have the opportunity and it sneaks up on you, most likely brought on first by a loving, sweet animal, or perhaps another family member or friend. See the beauty in the passing of each moment and grab what sunshine there is. Your heart may feel heavy sometimes. Put on two pairs of fluffy socks and wrap up in a soft bathrobe and curl up under a blanket when you need to, with that sweet animal or a fresh-from-heaven baby human. Hug a lot. Sleep with a soft, fluffy teddy bear to shield your wounded chest from the pain. Pull out hankies when you need them and walk tall in the world in-between these times, doing what it is you care most about.

The sun will come out. It will come out now, but not in the brilliance that it will come out later. Ride the waves of emotion and know that they will pass. Be ever so grateful that you had someone to love so much - some people do not have that in their lives. Know that your mother, daughter, wife, sister, aunt, is not missing, like some others who never find closure to a life so well-lived. Know that she did not pass through violence, but surrounded by the tender, loving care of her family. Blessings. So many blessings. Hold them dear. I think her beautiful spirit orchestrated this. It was her journey and what a beautiful journey it has been.

The sun will come out....

Know that you will be reunited. Yes, go on and live your life to the fullest, not out of fear, but out of love. Love for the life she gave you, love for the love she poured into everyone and everything she touched. She was an inspirational spirit. So very special.

This is the in-between time. For her in her Celestial world, she is now like the facets of a diamond - all of her lives, all of her whole Self, even bigger than she was when she was here with us. She will come to you when invited with a peaceful heart. She is living, more vibrant than we can even imagine. Loving, with a love so deep and profound that we can only imagine it. Feel her all around you, by invitation. And live. Love. No reservations.

Welcome her in dreams, she will come to you. She knew the mysteries of Spirit - we had conversations about it. She is clean and good and whole and happy and beaming her love to you all the time. Yes she is.

The gifts of Spirit are not so mysterious or intangible as we have been taught. Trust the love. Trust the process. Honor her full journey which is now complete, as we must with all those who pass before us. One day it will be our turn and how do we want to orchestrate that? How do we want our beloveds to feel after we're finished here on the beautiful Earth plane?

I want my Lovies to feel happy to have known me. Happy to have benefitted in some way from what I had to offer. Appreciative. But definitely not sad upon my passing. I would want them to celebrate that with all of themselves because that's what I will be doing. A job well-done. A journey completed. A well-earned rest and more adventures to look forward to and plan. Love connected always. I think it is good to treat the deaths of our Lovies as we would want our Lovies to feel when we pass. Because we will, we will. Thank goodness.

Namaste,
Jen